Kids biting each other?

Question

My 4 year old was NEVER a biter, but my 2 year old has started having teeth marks on her arms and legs. They're small, so I know they're from her sister. (She doesn't go to day care or anything, I'm a stay at home Mom). When I ask my 4 year old why she does it, she says because her sister bit her first- but she never has marks.

By the time I find the marks, I feel like it's too late to spank, but I do scold her for it. My other concern is that my 2 year old never tells on her sister when it happens. She isn't a crier and I know these bites hurt because they leave marks.

What would you do?

Answer 1

Your four year old has acknowledged that she is biting the little one. That's all you need.

Show her the bite marks. Be sure to be distressed and maybe even cry a little yourself. Offer to bite her very hard so that she can feel how much it hurts. Being too calm doesn't communicate that you consider the behavior negative. Tell her it hurts, and that you won't allow anyone to hurt her OR her little sister--including her! Tell her to let you know if her sister hurts her in any way, and that she is not allowed to punish her sister herself because she doesn't know what is appropriate.

Let her know this is the LAST TIME you will have to see bite marks, or she will not be allowed to play with her sister or have any fun for two whole days. Be sure to follow through if she bites her again, and make sure that you schedule everything so that she is spending time making pretty pictures to apologize for biting, and making an apology card to give to you for disobeying.

You must be firm without being cruel to ensure that the biting stops immediately.

Answer 2

Your 4 year old is not happy to have a sister who requires your attention. When she bites, you come to her and try to engage in who what why kind of conversation. She is happy to have the negative attention.You need to use a little reverse psychology. The next time the 2 year old has a bite, you must COMPLETELY ignore the biter. Pick up the two year old, cuddle her and tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are that she got hurt. Put a piece of ice in a wash cloth and sit with her in your lap, with the ice on the bite. When the older child tries to talk to you, turn your back and completely ignore her. This will be very difficult but will teach the lesson you want her to get better than anything else. Once the two year old is soothed, then you go to the 4 and say 'I had to take care of your sister because she was hurt. " Then walk away. The very next time you see the 4 year old playing nicely with her sister, go to her with lots of hugs and smiles and tell her how much you love to see her being a good big sister. Give her a ton of positive attention. She just needs to know she hasn't been replaced and you still have time for her.

Answer 3

I think I would not allow the two of them to be in the same room at the same time until you can get this behavior to stop. Explain to your 4 year old that she is not to bite for any reason. Tell her that she is to come to you if her sister bites her and that you will take care of the matter. Human bites can cause serious infections and you need to nip this behavior as soon as you can. If your 4 year old continues to bite, she should be given time out and not permitted to have privileges until she can get her behavior under control. She is able to understand that this is something she must not do so she has to have consequences for her actions. I don't know that I would spank her but, I would take away something that would have some meaning. (A favorite program, dessert, etc.)

Answer 4

My mother just waited until a bite drew blood. We learned our lesson very quickly, and I ended up with nine stitches.

I suggest NOT doing that.