Why does my teenage daughter constantly complain?

Question

My 15 year old daughter just came to live with me. She was living with her father from age 10 to 15.

We are living on our own in an apartment now. We were living with my parents. I live in a different state from my ex-husband.

I am to the point where I dread evenings with her. She complains and is always unhappy no matter what I do for or with her. I feel that I am going home to a long, unhappy face each evening.

I try my best to do things with her that she will enjoy and help her study, but it does not help.

Its now that I have a sinking feeling when I drive home as to what complaints I will have to face and deal with.

Will this ever end or is there a way to effectively deal with it?

Answer 1

Stareyes, you are going to have to sit down with yourself and make a decision that you are not going to let your 15-year-old daughter run your life!! You've done all you can. Let it go. You cannot make another human being happy -- people decide whether or not to be happy because of their attitude, and frankly, your daughter's attitude needs a major readjustment. You've been worry about this for weeks, now. It's time to stop.

Tell her, kindly but firmly, that THIS is her life, now, and you don't want to hear any further complaints, because they aren't going to change anything. Point out that she is making *herself* miserable by her complaints and attitude, and that it is going to stop NOW.

And then, try your best to ignore them. Be pleasant, but when she starts in on the complaints, remind her that complaining is no longer a valid means of communication, and change the subject, or walk away. If she keeps it up, point out the cell phones and computer usage are privileges, not rights . . .

Answer 2

What have you done to help your daughter transition from living with her father to living with you? Also, is your daughter fully informed of why she lived with her father and then switched to living with you? Could she be experiencing feelings of rejection by her father? Remember, it's a really big adjustment she is going thru, living with you, in a new community, going to a new school, new friends, everything. Did you and she have a good relationship before the switch? You both may need some counseling if this seems to be more than the usualy teenage angst. It's quite normal for teenagers in general to complain but it's up to us as their parents to point out solutions to their complaints and to let them know that action, just words, resolve complaints. Talk to your daughter about your feeling that she is terribly unhappy and discuss things and ways to create more happiness and positive areas in her life. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

It's ok, she likes the drama, that's it. Being unhappy makes her feel special. And probably she has too much free time...so try to make her participate in different activities, like some sport, or club, where she can meet people her age and do something she likes. Probably she feels lonely in a new place without her old friends and people who were close to her.
Whatever you do, DO NOT quit on her. You are her mom, and even if sometime it seems she doesn't want you there, believe me she does, and she needs you. If you quit on her she will never trust anyone again and then she'll be a mess. Just be patient, give her some time, remember teenagers are selfish, but sooner or later she'll come around and adjust (or just grow up)

Good luck to you two!

Answer 4

Your daughter has been through alot, Most likely there is no quick fix.

Her parents are divorced and live far away, she probably feels like she is in a tug of war between you two. Her living situation has not been stable, she lived 5 years with Dad and now with you. There is probably more going on than you are writing about.

The other thing that is probably going on is that she is going through the teen phase of rebelling on top of this.

I think that you should seek out a councilor and try to work this out and in the mean time be stable force in her life, it won't be easy and she may not come around until her 20s.

Answer 5

Well how long has it been since she moved in with you? If it's only been a couple weeks, then you're aren't being practical. She was taken away from her old life; friends, school, room, activities.
She needs help getting involved in school activities, making friends and so on. She was completly ripped away from what she found comfortable. You need to be patient and help her learn her life with you can be just as comfortable. But if you are going to dread spending time with her maybe you aren't ready to be a single parent. Trust me kids will do much worse things then complain. If complaining is all that is wrong with her, your lucky. (ie. pot, sex, drinking, stealing or other drugs)

Answer 6

Look, im a 15 year old teenage daughter too.

Im constantly unhappy because of personal things going on with my non- existence social life and how i want one, which is basically nothing my mom can do, so when she asks me "what's wrong NOW?'' i hesitate because she is impatient and doesn't help. So maybe your daughter's situation is different, If you are patient enough, ask her what's wrong. If she doesn't reply, maybe it's not something you need to hear, or nothing you can help her with.

Answer 7

Yikes, maybe you should look into getting your daughter some counselling. A big move like that can be hard on her and maybe her problems go deeper than just some annoying complaining on the surface. I think you need to go deeper and get to the root of the problem.

Answer 8

Unfortunately alot of teens constantly complain. Think back to when you were her age. Did you complain? I know I did.

My suggestion to try to find things that interest her to talk about. Let her complain but try to find something positive to say back to her. She may have learned to complain from her father when she lived with him. Its going to take some time to adjust to living with you.

Ask questions that aren't demanding or considered "snooping" in her life. Once she learns that you can be trusted, she'll change.

Answer 9

The kid can't help it. If she were with Dad she would gripe too. She is in the midst of teen angst also smart enough to think if she whines enough she will get more freedom. Stick to your guns. Grin and bear it. This too shall pass.

Answer 10

She needs a wake up call. Let her volunteer to help the needy. If that doesn't work, send her back to her father.