Dealing with a 13 year old?

Question

My husband has 3 kids from a previouse marriage 2 girls 10 and 8, and a 13 year old son. The kids spend every other weekend at our house. My husband and I have a 2 year old son. Lately the 13 year old has been acting up (I know it's an age thing, I was 13 once too). When we ask him to help out around the house he looks us right in the eyes and tells us NO. When we get on him for that he mubbles under his breath at us. Last weekend I couldn't take it anymore and I lost it and told him in front of the other kids and his dad that if his attitude did not change he was no longer welcome in my house because I did not want the other kids learning his behavior, especially my 2 year old. I know it was harsh words but I didn't know what else to say or do because his father just seems to sit there and lets him do whatever he want. I also found out resently that their mother had told them that they did not need to do chorse while at my house because it was not their house. What do I do?

I'm not trying to come between my husband and his kids, I love those kids. My husband and I have been together for 6 years those kids grew up with me, so I don't know why now the 13 year old has problems. Everytime my husband tries to disipline him the 13 year old just says that he hates him and never wants to see him again so my husband has gotten scared and is now more interested in being his friend then his dad. I've tried the no tv no going out to play with ffriends thing but it doesn't work he just laughs it off. I'm not asking him to do anything more than help empty the dishwasher or load it after dinner. That's his one and only chore in the house. He eats on plates and drinks out of cups he should help clean them.

Answer 1

You sit down and talk to your husband. I personally feel that you are right and that they should be expected to do chores especially ones that exist because they are there. I am sure you are not having them paint the entire house or something silly like that. But it should be expected that they clean up after themselves and assist with dinner and things of that nature. BUT the most important thing is to get your husband on board with this as they are HIS kids first. You both need a unified front even more than traditional parents.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Your between a rock and a hard spot there girl, but I think on the right track. I've had step-kids, and I've been one myself. I know as a step-kid myself, I pushed my step-parent to the extreme limits to see just how far I could push. I found that my step-kids did the same thing. So putting your foot down is a good thing. Also inform your husband that he needs to be a dad, and not a friend to these kids, even if it is only every other weekend, the kids still need that structure and disipline from him. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You have done nothing wrong at all,its your house not his and if he does not want to show you any respect and his farther thinks its a joke...well kick his as,s out as well...its bad enough to be a parent,you don't need the hassle of this, you seem to have taken all you can and very right too,,,don't let t5his child dictate things to you...seems this child resents you as not his real mother...makes me wonder has he got a farther as well.??..if your husband does nothing about this his heart is else where and not with you....play it cool and just ask him what he thinks about his sons attitude...if he says nothing wrong then DUMP THEM ALL...sounds harsh but none of them are showing any respect to you....but still all up to you....wish you all best....don't let a 13 put you down.....

Answer 4

Instead of saying harsh things like that to a child, how about you and your husband actually discipline him? When he tells you no about doing some chores, say he can't watch tv, go online, do whatever until it's done. He's saying "NO" to you, because he can.

Otherwise, if you can't handle it, maybe you need to find someone who doesn't have children from a previous relationship? Because he is your husband's child. He will ALWAYS be welcome in his home or life, if he truly has his priorities in order. No man would ever come before my children, as no man should ever let a woman come before their children.

Answer 5

You need to have your husband talk to his EX. She should not be telling the kids that they do not have to do chores or listen to you in your home. It was wrong to blow up like that though. It would work better if you didn't let him watch TV or use the phone, computer or play video games while in your home. I am also a step-mom. My step-kids were 14 & 15 when I met my husband and they tried to break us up, but it didn't work. You just have to stay strong.

Answer 6

Well when i grew up the jug cord helped but that never really helps.

Maybe its about him missing his real mother?
I know alot of boys have a hard time excepting another women as a higher authority and a parent. most girls dont have a problem because women can bond more easily.

Try talking to him about this and ask him why hes being this way.

Answer 7

It appears that the Mother of the child may have some issues. Hopefully you make the children feel that your home is theirs as well. Sit them down and tell them and maybe you should have a calm chat with the Mother. It is not healthy to grow up in any home where one parent diminishes the other parent, believe me I know.

Answer 8

Maybe you could talk to your husband about it. Parents make mistakes sometimes too, and hopefully the kid will understand that. Just apologize and tell him the whole truth, you were unaware that his mother had told him that. Maybe your husband could apologize for you. If he continues to disrespect you, maybe you two could do something together and "bond." Lol, that sounds kinda corny, but maybe if he had fun and knew you weren't trying to re[place his mother (that's why step kids don't like stepparents, right?) and that you could be friends.

Answer 9

submit vids on YouTube, and dont trust your acquaintances. Its noted as being a definite-guy or regardless of, an excellent style of human beings wont allow you to comprehend what your doing incorrect, you gotta discover grievance, no longer compliments, in case you opt for to toughen. 13 365 days olds can get signed, yet what have you ever offered that the others dont have?

Answer 10

Sorry to have to tell you, but since you're a stepparent you shouldn't be disciplining his children at all. He needs to step up and do it or nothing will change. I know what it's like to be married to a man that won't do it. Good Luck!!