I got married this past August and invited all of my family. I know some of them (several cousins in particular) didn't come because they are too poor. When I had my bridal shower, only one of those cousins came (with her mom), and they gave me a gift, which I appreciated and sent a thank-you note for.
I knew they couldn't come and are pretty poor so I didn't expect a gift, but did expect at least a $1 "congratulations" card in the mail shortly after. Nothing came. The only thing that did was from the cousin who attended the bridal shower, she sent me $30 which I greatly appreciated and thanked her for. My other cousin, who was also invited, never sent a card, or even an email telling me congratulations. Neither did her mom, sister, or aunt (whom are all my second cousins but we are close). Anyway, she wrote my mom an email the other day outlining how great her life is with her boyfriend, how she moved to Ohio, and never asked about the wedding, or anything... should I be mad?
2007-10-15 08:41:23 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
it is rude and hurtful , but i wouldn't worry about it ,thankyou notes are becoming a thing of the past , i always write a card to thank someone ,and it is always appreciated , but some people have no manners , move on and enjoy your new life xxx
2007-10-15 08:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by ♥BEX♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear One, don't waste your time nursing hurt feelings. Obviously, your Aunt is involved with someone and her life is 'different' - hopefully better than it's ever been. Wish her happiness. And you surely must know all about moving..... it's more work than fun. Apparently, the wedding slipped her mind. Or maybe, she feels a bit guilty for not going. The thing is, she's got herself in a hole and she hasn' figured out how to get out. Unfortunately, each inaction has dug her even deeper. What I would do is, send her a card. Tell her your Mom told you she had moved and has a new boyfriend. Tell her you hope she's found happiness. Also tell her you will miss not seeing her. Tell her about the wedding. Share how beautiful it was, tell her some fun things that went on, etc. Tell her you wish she could have shared in it with you. Tell her you love her.
Now, why would I say that? Well, for several reasons. First of all, I take it that you are mature - or you wouldn't have gotten married. I take it that you are happy - or you wouldn't have married that beautiful man. I take it that your wedding went beautifully, with or without your Aunt. So..... why say something 'ugly'. Two wrongs don't make a right. Do you love her? Then simply tell the truth. Her not making your wedding or having your life as her first priority, surely doesn't make you not love her!! Love is supposed to be 'unconditional'. Is yours? Wouldn't it be a shame if we brought the joy of a wedding (becoming one before our Lord), down to 'attendance and gifts'? Isn't part of the joy having those present that 'want' to be there! That want to celebrate with you - not have too? No, dear one, you should not waste your time being angry. Life is too short. Don't spend time 'gossiping' about who did what and who did not! Why make your wedding ugly?? Be mature. Be thankful. Accept the blessing that you received and give praise to your God for loving you so much.
2007-10-15 09:34:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mercedes 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, I don't think that rudeness is a good response to rudeness. Secondly, maybe your cousins have other things going on in their lives and while your wedding may be a priority in YOUR life, it is not so in everyone else's lives. You keep saying that your cousins are poor, so I'm willing to bet they are working on a LOT of other issues of their own. Thirdly, maybe they feel embarrassed about not being able to attend or to get you a gift and didn't know how to handle the situation, so they decided to just ignore it completely.
Whatever the reason, they could have handled it better. ANY acknowledgement of your wedding is better than nothing. Still, it is in poor form for you to hold a grudge against family members over a greeting card.
2007-10-15 10:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its easy to understand on how that would bother you. I know it would bother me. Some times I find it mind boggling that the support or respect you feel you would give someone else, doesn't get given to you. It raises lots of questions of loyalties. I've learnt that these people are thinking of their situations first and not yours. In all honesty, if its something that's under your skin talk it over with them. You might not get the resolution or answers your looking for, but you will know where they stand one way or another. From there the level of involvement you want from them is up to you. Good luck and by the way ibid u2 a warm Congratulations from a stranger !!!
2007-10-15 08:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by snertlover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heads up. Your cousins have more to concern themselves with than your wedding. If you really were as close as you stated, you would probably have received a card. It would appear that they don't have the same feeling for you. The wedding is over so whatever happened is done and will be forgotten in a short period of time.
2007-10-15 09:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
nah. these days everyone is wrapped up in their own world that thank cards and congratulations are sometimes swept under the rug. if you feel like you want to make a civil point, send her a congratulations card on her happiness in ohio! maybe she will get a clue, if not, it cost maybe two dollars including the stamp. just be happy with your new marriage and send out those thank you cards to the people who did show up to watch your important day! Congrats by the way!
2007-10-15 08:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by nacho momma 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sure.
Be mad.
It seems like your life already revolves around you, so it's unthinkable that everybody else does not spend every waking moment thinking about you and your wedding.
Wake up here. Your wedding is the most important thing in YOUR life, but by projecting that on others you are setting yourself up for dissapointment when you find out that YOUR wedding is actually a small sidenote in THEIR life.
It happens. Get over it.
2007-10-15 09:17:54 · answer #7 · answered by mgerben 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't be mad and let it go. You're wedding is not going to be on the top of everybody's priority list. So, you did not recieve a congrats form your cousin.....are you happily married? Was your wedding a blast? Was it the happiest day of your life? Are you enjoying being a newlywed? If yes, than you have all the support and congrats you need. Let this petty thing rest.
2007-10-15 08:47:48 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Have you seen how expensive wedding cards have become? You can't get a decent one for less than $4 or $4.50. With tax and a stamp, it's usually over $5. $5 maybe buys two loaves of bread (the nutritional kind) or a gallon and 2/3 of gas. In some places, it's a couple of gallons of milk. That's how poor people feed their families. She's probably too embarassed to tell you how she must scrimp to get by.
Cut her some slack!
2007-10-15 10:48:48 · answer #9 · answered by holey moley 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
No.First of all don't worry about it. You know they can't afford it,but you have to remember that this can be very embarrassing for them. It may be as hard to send a congrats card as to go and not be able to afford a gift.Let it go and be understanding.It will make you feel better to know that you didn't upset anyone and can understand that every ones view on this may be a little different.P.S congrates and enjoy!
2007-10-15 08:59:49 · answer #10 · answered by just.stew 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋