So Saturday I went with three of the four bridesmaids in my wedding to pick out a dress. The fourth one came down with a cold and cancelled the day before. The other girls put their money down but the store will not order them until the last girl comes in to get measured.
I e-mailed the fourth girl with the absolute latest she can go in, nicely explaining the situation. She writes back that she is sick and she doesn't know when she will be able to go because she is going on vacation soon. At first I thought, ok because she is sick and still has a few weeks before she really needs to go.
Now I found out that not only did she go to a concert the night she was too "sick" to go. And she thinks I am being "selfish" because I want her measurements in by mid-November. Any later and the dress won't come in on time, and not just her dress - the other girls dresses too. I am trying so hard not to be Bridezilla, do you think I'm being selfish?
2007-10-15 08:28:06 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just a Girl - I definitely get where you are coming from with the whole e-mail thing. I wasn't trying to be pushy but maybe she took it that way.
2007-10-15 08:38:50 · update #1
A lot of people say kick her out but as much stress as she's causing I would feel guilty, we have been friends for so long. If she wants to step down, she is free to. I'd be sad because she is supposed to be a close friend but it looks like it would be better for both of us if she did.
2007-10-15 09:05:50 · update #2
* - She has been a good friend for over ten years, recently she has become distant (to our other friends too). She is not financially strapped, if she was I would definitely understand.
2007-10-15 09:22:27 · update #3
There are so many good answers, I will put it up to a vote.
2007-10-17 06:28:47 · update #4
No, you are not selfish. You are the bride and everything is done in a timely manner, so how dare her.
Let me break this down:
A. She cancelled SICK for dress fitting.
B. She said she was SICK for a while.
C. She said going on VACATION after SICK.
D. Went to a Concert when SICK.
E. She said you are SELFISH.
This is all negative, and telling YOU the bride is a bridesmaid raptor. She does NOT want to be IN or PART of your wedding, sorry to say.
Unless she is a cousin or bridesgroom sister, extremely once-close friend, I would omit her, because she will cause problems in your future not hers. Please reconsider. She is not part of your future.
***Lalala, this is a a very difficult one. She's been a friend a long time...She's not backing out, or you won't give her the boot. Well, my friend, just do the best you can, and hope things get better for you. Pray about it, too.
2007-10-15 08:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
NO definitely not. If she lied & then she is coming up w/excuses that why she can't get to have her dress fitting. Take her out of the wedding. People may say that you are being a bridezilla but in order to have stuff done on time sometimes you have to be a little pushy. If she is not married it may just be that she is a little jealous. Or it could just be that she doesn't have the money to put the down yet & not quiet sure how to tell you she can't afford it. In either case she shouldn't have lied on not being able to go the fitting. Weddings are happy (but stressful) enough times as is to deal with let alone having to deal w/someone's jealousy or dishonesty.
2007-10-15 08:38:15 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. Independent 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
not at all. this is serious. u NEED those dresses. its not like u have months and months to wait around. bsides that considering u gave her a month i think u r being very generous. had it been me i wouldve given her only a couple wks so if she didnt come thru for me i could get a back up bridesmaid i no it sounds terrible. but try to think of it this way...this is ur ONE special day. this is the day we all dream of r entire lives. we put on pearls and high heels and pretend that we have r mr right and r walking down the aisle when we r 6!!! so to expect a friend come thru for u, especially when she has the potential to ruin ur entire ceremony, is not bridezilla like.
im the type of person who expects things from ppl. especially if theyve agreed so i would b very insulted and probly not handle the situation as well as u did. however u might have to put ur foot down. perhaps confront her about the concert (nicely of course) and tell her straight out if she does not want to b part of ur wedding party then plz say so otherwise u have certain expectations and as a bridesmaid she has some obligations that MUST b fulfilled. if they r not u will have to replace her.
good luck its a hard situation to b in.
2007-10-15 20:08:24 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on how you said it to her. Sometimes we don't know what our tone of voice comes out like. The same goes double for e-mails/texts because there is no wording involved.
If I were you, I would apologize for the fact that she feels you were getting Bridezilla on her and leave it at that. This does not mean that you're accepting any blame--you're simply sorry that she "feels that way". Explain that you're not trying to be a b**ch, but that you really need this to take place so that you can make things happen for the other girls. Don't tell her that YOU need it to happen...blame it on the fact that the other bridesmaids won't get their dresses on time.
No, I don't think you were wrong. I think this is just a highly emotional time right now and you need to understand that people might automatically assume that you're being pushy, even when you're not.
2007-10-15 08:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nope. Tell the bridal shop that you only have three bridesmaids so go ahead and order the dresses. When that fourth bridesmaid of yours decides to call you after being "sick" and going on vacation, tell her that she doesn't need to worry about going in to get fitted. Since she's been so busy you figured she wasn't up for being a bridesmaid because the dresses needed to be ordered and it was so inconvenient for her to be measured. Let her know she can attend the wedding though!
2007-10-15 09:13:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally I would give her a time line. if she doesn't comply by say the first week of november find someone else to replace her, because i've been in her 'situation'..i came down sick.. i mean REALLY the day before the dress fitting, but i still managed to get my measurements (with help from a neighbor),and talked with the bride and gave her my measurements. The bride and the other bridesmaids came down with the same thing that i did. We had gone away on a girls weekend,and we all caught the same bug. I have an extremely weak immune system, and it hit me harder then any of them. I hope I helped.
2007-10-15 08:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right to ask her to come down to be measured. She is the one being selfish. If she was a true friend she would make the time to help you on your special day. So you know it is your day and it is OK for you to be selfish some. You need to make sure that the dresses are made so they fit the people right. And have time to alter it if it is needed. If she does not want to help you have to do what is best for you and your true bridesmaid.
2007-10-15 09:49:39 · answer #7 · answered by videoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish, she is. Not only is it selfish on her part it is also rude and it's not fair to the other brides maids who now have to wait because of her. I had the same problem last year when I was married, one of the brides maids was mad at me and said I was selfish because she didn't like the color the dresses. She wouldn't come to the fittings and held everyone up. I talked to all the other brides maids and we decided to kick her out of the wedding party. What you need to do is decide if you want to put up with her behavior or just nip it in the bud and get rid of her now while there is still time. You don't need stress from a brides maid its not worth it. This is your time to be happy and you don't need her ruining it for you.
2007-10-15 08:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by stinky4sam 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give her an out- say something like "you've really got a lot going on, are you sure you still want to be in the wedding? I would understand if you're too busy"
I know you probably don't want to do this, but the other option is to say nothing and deal with the fact that you are going to have to plead with her to participate every step of the way.
2007-10-15 08:39:21 · answer #9 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, this is sad and you are not alone. I tell my brides to relax, and have a plan b. It was your friends decision to be in your wedding, and also her decision to so it seems, not participate. If this was a business, you would have replaced her with out a blink. I'm sorry sweetheart, but you need your Plan B. Turn the table around.....she is the one who is being selfish, you are not a Bridezilla, just a bride trying to get her wedding off to a great start. Best wishes, Chaplain Debby
2007-10-15 11:57:07 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋