I left my hubby of 23 years and moved to Maui. I dated for a while and finally met this great guy. We have so much in common and have a great time together. I moved in 4 months ago. This month we will be together for 1 year. The sex is absolutely fantastic but it is always SEX. Not making love. No affection. And my guy is not at all affectionate. If I want ANY affection I have to go to him. I have to hug him or kiss him or touch him. AND I ALWAYS have to say "I LOVE YOU" then he will say "I love you too". But he will hardly ever say it first. When I try to talk to him about it he saays "Here we go"!! "I am REALLY happy, happier than I have ever been in my life, if you can't accept me the way I am and I don't make you happy then you should not be with me". WOW!!! What do I say to that? I REALLY miss hugging, carressing, kissing etc. AND... I keep myself in great shape. Flat tummy, tan, toned, clean and smelling good. Most nights he just rolls over without a word
2007-10-15 08:27:52 · 13 answers · asked by leototally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Clearly not that into you. Stop giving him the pu**y and see if he sticks around. I'm betting not.
2007-10-15 08:31:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a clod! He doesn't sound like such a great guy if he's so uninterested in trying to meet your needs for affection and tenderness, nor show much willingness to discuss it.
Remember, a person won't change unless THEY want to.
He's right about the acceptance thing, but shows no empathy when the shoe is on the other foot.
I'd cut my losses and get out now. You are doomed to a lifetime of his attitude and not getting your needs met if you stick around.
By his statement about being REALLY happy, he is trying to manipulate you, for certain.
Find someone who cares about your needs and makes them his TOP priority. Don't settle for anything less.
Someone who you "have a great time with" and have lots in common won't cut it in the long run; it's pretty superficial stuff, really. I met a guy like that too, and he turned out to have anti-social personality disorder (popularly known as a sociopath), which was diagnosed by a clinical psychologist during our divorce counseling.
2007-10-15 15:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by holey moley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my bf of a year and a few months is exactly the same way. i always kiss up on him first, we dont really say i love you on the fone anymore unless i say it first, he used to be lovey dovey but hes not anymore i think our relationship has matured past "infatuation" and we both know without saying it and sometimes showing it that our love is strong. when me and him are "love making" i do put forth extra enegry and he usually feeds off of that. I know it may hurt at times and you may not feel appreciated or even worthy but if that was the case you wouldnt be moved in with him- he wouldn't even want you there around him like that. Some guys can really show affection, others can't. Just keep loving him for who he is....and try to "teach" him what to do. While you're fooling around move his hands where you want them to be....things like that always work for me
2007-10-15 15:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Mia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One reason could be that you are living together. When you move in, you actually become "married" and old news after several months. You are essentially what he can get any old time he pleases and there is no fun in that anymore. He doesn't have to work for you anymore since you are now in his bed and in his place.
When he rolls over, it is because he knows where you will be when he wakes up, making his breakfast and putting his clothes together, etc.
He does love you, but when you live together you have no space and you are essentially married in everything but the certificate. The magic is gone and the honeymoon is over.
2007-10-15 15:38:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like he really doesnt care about you. Some men are simply not the affectionate type however even if a person is not affection when they find someone they love it just comes natural.
"here we go"...wow what an a**. My boyfriend really isnt the "talking" type but he will at least hear me out. if hes just telling you ..you shouldnt be with me instead of even TRYING to work things out..hes clearly not that into you.
2007-10-15 15:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by LG4you 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes not treating you the way he should. Maybe hes just using you for the physical aspect. Either way, talk it out with him even though he doesn't want to. He should be lucky enough to have you and its like hes discarding you when the sex is over. Thats not right.
2007-10-15 15:32:22 · answer #6 · answered by shanamoakler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being in a committed relationship does NOT involve just accepting your partner the way he/she is. It involves compromise, and he needs to be receptive to the fact that this is important to you.
That said, some people are just not affectionate.
2007-10-15 15:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by Cunning Linguist 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leototal, Dear move on you deserve to reap what you sow ! Sweety he obviously does not care how you feel as long as he is happy ! That is just the way some people are wired.
2007-10-15 15:44:25 · answer #8 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some guys are just like that. keep on doing what you do (touching/hugging/kissing him) and eventually it will become very normal for him to be touched and he will start to touch back.
2007-10-15 15:32:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is NOT going to change - if you can't adapt, move on. Been there, done that...
2007-10-15 15:31:25 · answer #10 · answered by dhdaddy2003 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋