I know I made a dumb mistake when I was young and I repent. My partner finds it really important to have sex after marriage and it would be of a great disappointment to tell him that I am not a virgin. At the same time I would feel wrong of lying to him but I would feel even worst if I didn't had this surgery cause then he would find out that I am not a virgin. Do you understand me? So what do you think, should I get this surgery or not or do you think its too risky?
Thanks for the help.
2007-10-15 08:11:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No! You should not get a surgery just to keep your future husband from finding out you're not a virgin! That is ridiculous! You need to be honest with him. You can't build the foundation of your marriage on a lie. Eventually he'll find out and in turn he'll discover the surgery and you'll end up with a pile of new problems. Sit him down and tell him how much you love him and respect him and want him in your life. Tell him you've made some mistakes growing up. Everyone has made mistakes and you've been fortunate enough to learn from yours. Tell him you are tired of lying to him and keeping secrets and you can't let your relationship go on like that. Then, tell him that you aren't a virgin. It may be important for him that a person wait until marriage but a person's ideals can't be more important to them than the person they are going to marry. He loves you for you and that includes your faults. Things don't always work out like we expect them to and he should know that. So, he's not going to marry a virgin. Instead, he's going to marry a woman that knows what it's like to be with another man, and a woman who is never going to wonder what that's like. A woman that's never going to want to go elsewhere for that kind of love.
2007-10-15 08:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth & skip the expenses.
Since, you mentioned that you feel wrong in lying to him then tell him the truth. You don't want to build your relationship in lies. Start to build the trust and this is where it should start. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will accept you for who you are. People make mistake and dumb decision in life and part of it is the consequence. This is the consequence that you have to face lying about is yet another consequence to face. So the list of consequence will go on if you will not make it right. Past is past and the important thing is your future as a partners and both of you will make things RIGHT.
God Bless You!
2007-10-15 15:21:29 · answer #2 · answered by brittanique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him,...either way you go, not telling him and getting the surgery, or waiting until there is no other option, it is still decieving him. If he loves you then he will try to understand. You not being a virgin won't be the issue with him it will be that you didn't tell him. If he cannot accept it then you have to be able to deal with the consequences of your mistake. Good Luck
2007-10-15 15:16:36 · answer #3 · answered by Tre 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are an idiot. You think that it is ok to lie to him but not to tell him you have had sex?
Getting the surgery and then not telling him you are not a virgin is worse than not being a virgin in the first place.
If is has an issue with it leave, he is a jerk anyway.
2007-10-15 15:17:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, you will be lying, and then trying to cover up a lie. You are going to get married under these circumstances? Why not just be honest. Be yourself. You actually do deserve to be loved for you, not some make believe version of yourself. (That is the best way to get on the fast train to divorce.)
A good marriage starts off with respect, and lying does not fall under that category.
2007-10-15 15:16:34 · answer #5 · answered by quirky 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most young girls do not have a hymen at all these days, and it is not because they are sexually active. Playing sports will tear them, or doing anything that has you moving. Very few girls have not torn their hymen by the time they have sex. Even running stretches and tears the hymen
2007-10-15 15:26:57 · answer #6 · answered by Aireyaunna A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could get the surgery, but lying to your partner about your virginity ruins the trust and sanctity of marriage. if your partner truely loves you for who you are, then you should be able to tell your partner about your mistake, but that you regret it, and would really like to save the rest of yourself for marriage. getting married is a deep bond. one that requires commitment, trust, and love. if you can live for the rest of your life carrying this secret around, then by all means, don't tell your partner. but just step outside of yourself and think if you were him. he expects for you to be completely honest with him, and i think you should talk to him before you get married. if he truely loves you, he'll respect you and your decision, and understand, and want to work things out with you. don't hide your past..it will come out one day or another.
best of luck sweetheart!
2007-10-15 15:18:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting the surgery won't solve the problem-- you can't turn back time...
Your choices are..
1) tell him
2) say nothing,go with the flow, rely on the fact that he won't know and no one will care, in the heat of the moment...
2007-10-15 15:20:25 · answer #8 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well the surgery is basically a lie so hows he feel about that? if you want to lie to him just tell him it broke by you using tampons. your are still lying and it wont cost you as much.
2007-10-15 15:20:18 · answer #9 · answered by kevins hippy chick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I bet he is a virgin himself right.....well he can't throw rocks at you so......NO, don't have the surgery.....because if you do....you will begin a web of lies....
What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive says the spider to the fly.
2007-10-15 15:20:20 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋