How do you feel about getting a wedding invitation that was addressed to your parents?

Question

You know, hubby and I have been married for over 17 years and lived in the same house with the same address that is listed in the phone book for all of our married years. Once again, one of my cousins is getting married and we did not get an invitation mailed to us, but rather we were added (& Family) on my parents invitation.

You know, this is really starting to bother me. First off, my mother never remembers to tell us. The only reason I found out is because my parents own a store which hubby works at and he found the invitation. And second, we are grown adults that DO NOT live with my parents.

How do you feel about this practice? I am just getting sick of not formally being invited! Besides, mom threw away the inside envelope that would list who was invited and she cant remember if it said & family or not. I am close to my cousin so I know he wouldnt leave us out intentionally.

They received the invitation around Oct. 10 or 11th.

I don't know if this is just a Michigan thing or what. But this happens to me and my sisters all the time. Not just on wedding invitations, but baby showers and anniversary parties as well. I also want to note, that this has happened on both sides of the family. It isnt the same cousins!

I don't know if this is pertenant or not, but we always go in with my parents on cards and gifts. But with that, the gift is always larger.

Answer 1

You know I think that is just so damn rude!! You have been married for ages and are obviously an adult and as such you should be recognised as one. I think either they were rude or were too slack to send out an extra invite to you. Budget is no excuse at all, they could have gotten invites for cheap. I would not go because you should have gotten your own invitation and that will show people how you feel about this sort of rudeness. If they ask why you are not going, just say that you didn't receive an invite so assumed you weren't invited. If they say you were part of your parents invite, say 'I only take invites seriously that are addressed to me and my husband'. Also, you might like to call up the couple and just say, 'just so you know, we got married 17 YEARS AGO, and have not lived with my parents for the same length of time!!'. Just ignore the invite and they might get the picture that what they did was rude, wrong and not acceptable.

Answer 2

You need to put your foot down and say something. Just call your cousin and tell him that if it weren't for the fact that your hubby found the invite, you guys would have never known about the wedding or even shown up for that matter and that he needs to start recognizing you and your hubby as a married couple, not living with their parents! If your aren't a 100% sure if you were on the invite, I think it is your mothers responsibility to call your cousin and ask seens how she threw away the invitation. Don't make yourself look like a fool.

If he doesn't understand, ask him how he would feel if you sent an invitation to his parents house instead of his.

Answer 3

They are being lazy. But...if this is your male cousin's wedding, then remember that although the bride's family probably was responsible for the invitations, they only went on the information passed along to them (likely by his mother). Your cousin probably has no idea that you were included as "and family."

I think you're just going to have to suck it up and ask if you want to go to this one. In the future I would suggest giving a separate card and gift, though -- that could well be part of the identity separation problem.

Call your cousin and say...so I heard from my mom that you're getting married! What's her name? When's the wedding? Where is it going to be? Are you having a big reception? etc. If he doesn't take the hint then ask as sweetly as you can manage (and blame it on the post office!), whether you were invited, since you didn't receive an invitation.

Or...photocopy your mom's RSVP and send it in with your and your husband's names written very boldly on the line!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Take a stand and don't go. If they ask why you didn't attend afterwards say you weren't invited because honestly, I don't think you were. Then let that reverberate throughout the family. That is downright rude and you have no expectation to attend or send a gift. The only time you put &family on an invite is when you are inviting children to a party too (underage kids)

Answer 5

I would think most often one would just put "and guest" for all invited guests who are not married, giving them the option on whether to bring a guest or not. Obviously if they are engaged, or have been dating a long time, they would be bringing that person along with them. However, I don't think putting the guest's name is necessary. You will understand when you are handwriting out all the addresses and inner envelopes for over 200 invitations! Just remember, printed etiquette somewhere does NOT always trump common sense.

Answer 6

My cousin has never asked for my address, she just sends mail for me c/o my mom. And when I was single and lived there for awhile, my mom kept saying every time they invited her somewhere, it was "assumed" I was invited too. Well, I never "assumed" it, and didn't go unless I was specifically mentioned.

If you would really like to go to this wedding, call your cousin and ask, and maybe he will take the hint. If you would rather not go, it is a good way to get out of it.

But if a lot of people do this to you and have for 17 years, they likely will keep on doing it.

Answer 7

Ettiquette says that people over age 18 (living at home or not) get their own invite. I have not heard of people tacking grown married people (with spouses of their own) onto their parent's invitation. Since this has happened to you in the past, perhaps these cousins have received similar invitations from other family members and they just think that's how it's done.

If you're close to the cousin, forgive their (probably unintentional) oversight. From your past experience, seems logical that you were included as "and family". Call the cousin and clear it up.

Answer 8

How long ago was the invite received? The same thing has happened to me, and I went to the bride and said something, just that I had talked to others that received an invite, but that you hadn't. You definitely shouldn't be included on someone elses, especially after not living at home for that long, and having your own life.

Answer 9

Your family is lazy and rude for doing this. I would not consider this an invitation to you and hubby because "and family" refers only to those living in the same house. You are right to be annoyed, especially after 17 years. My hubby received mail at his parents for a while after we married, naturally, it stopped once they received things from our address. If you want to go, I would call them and ask them to clarify. If you you do not or can not go, I would send them a card congratulating them and skip the gift.

Answer 10

I think it's lazy and cheap for the bride and groom to NOT send invitations to each person they want to invite to their wedding. Sending one to your parents, when you are a married adult? I'd be offended too and, frankly, I wouldn't go (I hate weddings, though, so it doesn't take much for me to not go to one!). Send them a card and say you heard he got married and congratulations. If he calls you on it, just tell him that you didn't find out in enough time to attend and that, had he wanted you there, he should have sent you an invite.