One more question for you military men?

Question

My father is 73 now. I want to know all I can about his life. He will not discuss ANYTHING about the war with me though. Only things he has ever said was he was in Korea and was a paratrooper. Anytime I try to ask anything else at all, he tells me he won't discuss it, or changes the subject. I know war and what goes on is beyond what I can imagine, but it makes me sad to know I can't know anything about such a big part of his life. The war changed him so much my mother said, made him quiet and withdrawn all these years. Can another military man explain to me why he can't share even simple things? I know this is a painful question, but I hate for him to die taking those things to the grave. Any other vets who refuse to discuss, and why?

Answer 1

Combat is a strange environment. You make friends quickly who are closer than anyone you have known for a lifetime. You do things that you would have never considered doing. You age at a rate that cannot be understood by anyone who was not in the dirt with you. Many will not talk about it because they simply do not want to remember it any clearer than they already do.... it hurt too damn much.

I am a Vietnam vet.... and I can relate to your Dad. We were not welcomed home by the typical American. There were no parades....or government leaders singing our praises. We were looked upon as just a nuisance to have to tolerate until we die. To minimize the pain....we put it behind us and just let it go. Talking about it brings back the hurt.... and brings back the memories of being ignored by the country who sent us to battle.

I know this isn't the answer you were hoping for...but I hope it helps.

Tell your Dad...an old Marine said.... Welcome home brother... Job well done.

Semper Fi,
Z
Capt. USMC Ret

Answer 2

My dad did the same thing.
I didn't get much out of him while he was alive about him and WWII.
So after he pass away I connected with his unit and gone to the reunions.
They are now starting to talk about it.

My dad was in on the invasion of North Africa, Sicily, Normandy, and Operation Tiger.

He had the boat he was on in Sicily blown out from under him.

Operation Tiger was a practice for Normandy.
They had no ammo and some German E boats came on them and lay waste. Many die that day. My dad didn't talk about it. Than on the news they release it and my mom ask him was he there? To which he sat there and cry.

The pain those guys went through doesn't have words. When they open up about it that feeling and pain come back.

War is not a simple thing with easy answers and never will be.
My prayer are with your father.

Answer 3

Those who have been in combat don't talk about it. When you get down to it, the only ones who would understand them would be the guys who were five meters or less away on either side of them. War is brutal. It destroys all of the myths which you learned in childhood. It isn't about the flag, the country or even the people. It's about killing someone so that you and those guys five meters away or less on either side of you can go home safe and sound along with you.
So, don't hate him if he dies and takes those things to the grave. Bless him for doing so.

Answer 4

Korea was an interesting war... worse, for American soldiers, in some ways than WWII was. You see, Korea was the proof that mass tactics (overwhelming number of bodies thrown at your opponent) COULD still be effective. MacArthur didn't ever expect China to be bold enough to enter the war, so he didn't have nearly enough troops to support a war with the Chinese Army. Then, the worst possible thing happened: MILLIONS of professional infantry stormed accross the border into N Korea to help the communist cause.

Here's the scene your dad saw:
A hasty beat retreat accross hundreds of miles through mountainous terrain, including cold weather/snowy passes. Pursued doggedly by an enemy who outnumbered their forces more than 50 to 1. They would stop and defend every strategic point they could, slaughtering tens upon thousands of enemy troops at rivers and choke points, having to pour their drinking water on their machine guns in order to keep them cool enough to keep firing. Calling in Airstrikes to the tune of hundreds of enemy bodies flying through the air at the drop of a bomb... a drop that often had to be made so close it would rattle your teeth and, possibly, kill a few american soldiers with flack. And STILL, STILL after all of the terror they inflicted on the enemy, the chinese troops would relentlessly pour forward and overwhelm all defenses they could manage. Finally, after months of living like that, wondering if he'd be killed from day to day, he made it back to the 38th parallel and the rest of the American forces. Only at this point could the shelling from massive artillery batteries, the air strikes from countless fighterbombers, and the rigid lines of machine guns and mines finally stop the chinese and north korean counter offensive.

Imagine you had to look someone in the eyes as they died, knowing you had shot them running towards you and the only justification you had was that if he got to you, it would be you instead. Now imagine that you're holding down the trigger to a screaming .50 cal machine gun and doing that same thing to literally thousands of men whos families may always wonder what happened to them. Don't make your dad tell about it, some aspects of war are best left to die with the soldiers in the field.

Answer 5

I can't even imagine what it'd be like to experience something so bad you won't discuss it. At least that means he's not lying.

However, an Australian Army Chaplain told my recruit platoon that these men are usually more willing to open up to other servicemen they can relate to before anyone else. Maybe if you could find a Chaplain he can talk to?

Answer 6

Visit the recruter for the branch of service your dad was in. They can provide you with the form or a phone number you can call. You can get his entire service record. There may be a small charge for it but that will be a start.

Answer 7

Sometimes even talking about the simple things brings back all the memories which are terribly painful.

Answer 8

Respect his wishes. I served in the Nam and things you see and hear in combat you spend a lifetime trying to forget. It changes a man, is the nature of the beast.