I am scared, my husband has to older daugther's and they haven't seen my husband in over 9 years and?

Question

I have never meet them,and now the girl's have contacted us and want to come and live with us, the girls told us that their mother won't buy them clothes or sneaker's and that the oldest who is only 14 years old has a job and she has to buy her own stuff like for school and clothes I feel that at that age this child should not be working. But the NYC child support takes out $180.00 a week for child support and the girls said their mother told them that my husband doesn't support them, every week he gets this money taken out $180.00. Now they want to come and live with us, where do we start, what do we do,

the reason he hasn't seen the girls in so long is because they move and we didn't know where they were until a few months ago, but child support knew where to send the money, but they won't gives us any info. So we were going to try to get visitation this coming summer so we could save some money for their beds and everything, but I guess that going to happen sooner than we thought.

Answer 1

Is it possible that the grass is always greener on the other side. I would investigate these allegations before telling them they could move in. Could be they just dont like abiding by their mothers rules.

Answer 2

if they do come live with you he needs to go to court to stop the child support order. Just because they want to come and live with you doesn't mean that their mother wants them to. He cannot just take the children from their home without consent of the mom or getting custody. My daughter also worked when she turned 14 and 15 . It does help her to have some things that A single mom working and has child support cannot afford and it teaches her responsibility and work ethics and as long as it isn't too many hours a week theres nothing wrong with that.. Kids like to exaggerate things and they think the grass will be greener on the other side. When they find out that rules are rules no matter where they live, they want to move back. Teens will play both parents for things that they want you can't always give in.
..So if the mom says shes not being supported by the dad he can show them a check stub. but a Teen may think that that money should go directly into their pockets...and when m om says no they want to move.
Having teens is a HUGE responsibility. The attitudes that come with girls this age can be exhausting and if your not used to them being around it may be the biggest challenge you'll ever face. Is mom going to be ready to give them up, just like that? I don't think so. Most girls don't think they get enough... are you ready to give more than their mom can? Do you want a legal battle that will probably amount to nothing when a judge (most likely) will choose for the kids to stay with the mother? She would have to be a drug addict and bad parent for any other ruling. Have you even spoken to the mother? How many times does your husband talk to them on the phone or go see them or send birthday cards? Who moved out of state him or the mother?
Do you think every parent that can't afford to buy the name brand shoes should lose their children? I'm sure the complaining has just begun for these girls and no matter who they live with they're going to want more.

Answer 3

Unfortunatelly, this was a question that should have been considered before marrying your husband. Any one who has not seen their children for that length of time would have been a RED FLAG for me. Now that you are together, his children are a natural part of the deal. The $ is nothing if he's not in a position to nurture and love these children. When (if) you get the children full time, you can have the support stopped through the courts. It would be great if you could let them visit a few day at a time before moving in completely. Allow your husband to be the one to make the final decision and you support his ideas. When the children come, always allow their father do the decipline. If he's affraid to do so, you may have a problem. Let your husband know that you are in his corner about this idea to let his children in. Be honest about your fears and concerns and sit down with him to set loving boundaries in your home. Remember "Rules without Relationship breeds Rebellion!" I'm a divorced mom and I speak from experience. I would love to know how this issue is addressed. Do something! Don't let the children think they are not welcomed or loved by their father. I am very concerned that he's not seen them in that lenght of time. I'm sure there will be some bitter feelings there with the kids....when they come you must not be pushed over, but you have to be patient! Even when you feel like you're being pushed around pray for the patience that's needed to love unconditionally!

blessings to you...

Answer 4

if you're particular your husband cheats on you, and the age of consent is 16 the position you stay, then i might want to assert pass for it. yet, how might want to your husband react if he exhibits out? regardless of if he cheats on you, he would no longer imagine a similar about it popping out of your end, and may want to likely kill the both one of you. Or, tell him you study him dishonest, and also you should this point a youthful guy. If he won't be able to cope with that then destroy up and take 1/2 his stuff. Why are you nonetheless consisting of your piece of crap husband? You typed the question and it seems to me like you're knowledgeable. If he did rape a 13 365 days previous, you opt for to record it to the police, get a legal specialist and divorce him. you nonetheless comprehend the version between top and incorrect, and that is faulty so that you may stay with him. If i become you i might want to p.c.. up each and everything you opt for, drain the monetary employer account, and get an living house and are available across a job. there are a form of jobs the position you do not opt for anymore education than to address to study or write, and frequently that isn't even mandatory. Get the hell far flung from him, and in case your toddlers are so tousled because of him, enable them stay with him. once you've continually been a robust mom, they'll nonetheless be on your existence.

Answer 5

No way lady: stop, look and listen. Number one, go through your attorney and the court first, it's not up to you or your opinion what you think, you have no say in the matter and it doesn't matter what you say.

They cannot just leave their mother and, she cannot just give them up, to the father or anyone. He has all the proof he needs to prove he pays, they can find out by sending the copies of receipts, that's all there is to it.

The mother or, the girls may be up to something more sinister here then meets the eye so, you'd better watch yourself. Call your husbands attorney first and let him know what's going on, let him know the whole story before you make any foolish decisions that may change your entire life.

Answer 6

Don't turn them down. They are inoccent children caught up the mothers' anger. Bring them in and them as if they were yours. It's not their fault that all of this is happening. Show them that the money is taken out so that they don't think you guys are the bad ones. Sounds like the mother is using up their child support money for herself. If the girls live with you, your husband will not have to pay child support. But, you need to see a lawyer and everything that the girl's have said, you need to document and show proof so that your husband is awarded custody of the kids.

Answer 7

It is not a matter of being able to cope with them. They are obviously in an unstable and unhealthy environment. You should meet with the girls, just the 4 of you and talk about things. That way you can all get to know each other and relieve any awkwardness there may be. Find out the story from the girls. Let them explain you and your husband what is going on. Obviously their mother is a very bitter woman, and those girls shouldn't be with her.

Answer 8

First of all, you need to think long and hard about this problem, with your Husband's daughters.When you started to have a relationship with your Husband, did he mentioned to you that he was Married before, and he also had two, daughters? Did it ever occur-ed to you that one of these days, the Girls would want to come and see their dad, and to make matters worse, Live with him? Remember they come with the package, so, what I would advice you to do, is be prepared to put up with their behavior, they are not Children who are younger than 10 years old. and they will try and make your Life miserable, because they are going to see you as a competition, for their Father's affection. why, now do they want to have closure with their dad, I think there is something else that they are having problems with, and I bet they think the only solution, was coming to Live with their father. If there is no way to find some other solution, so everyone will be happy with it, talk with your Husband about what is worrying you, and maybe you both can find some other way for him to see his Girls, and make them happy in the process. Good Luck, to you, and your Husband, you both are going to need it.

Answer 9

Its NOT up to the kids to just move in. The mother has to agree and you and your hubby need to agree as well. This is a big deal and cannot be decided on a whim. Do you have the room? Does your hubby want them to move in? There needs to be some discussions

Answer 10

I think that you should meet them and talk to them. I don't know why their mother is lying to them - but I wouldn't worry about that. The truth always comes out somehow. Why hasn't he seen them in over 9 years? I don't think that he should just agree to allowing them to live with you but certainly if they want contact with him that could be arranged?