his behaviour when drunk is totally inappropriate, disrespectful and embarrasing. this has happened about 3 times in 4 months, the last occasion being particularly bad. i told him i have lost respect and it's over, but he is begging for another chance, saying that he will stop drinking and change. he can't bear to lose me and will do anything to keep the relationship going. i feel like giving him a chance. or do you think people never change and i should end it now while there's good opportunity?
2007-10-15 07:06:23 · 35 answers · asked by jay dee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No he should not get another chance. Why waste your time hoping he will improve when there are hundreds of guys out there who don't need fixing in the first place. Well, maybe dozens...well, maybe 1 or 2... but anyway you are better off alone than with a loser.
2007-10-15 07:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm assuming, because you've been together that long and are considering continuing at least for a while longer, that you haven't been telling other people how he has been. The most important part of breaking up with someone like him is support. You need to start telling people, no matter how hard it might seem; you need as many people as possible to know him well enough before you dump him so they'll already know what to expect. You could start off by asking other girls if they think what he's doing is 'normal'.(It would be best if you can collect Any kind of evidence; photos of the bruises, preferably taken by someone else who knows, anything he's written, answering machine messages, Anything at all. It could be all you've got when it's your word against his.) Once they know how he really is, they won't be so surprised at what he'll do next; a bully like him will at least say things about you later, so get the first word in before he starts; the others will see it coming and disbelieve what he tries on them. Control freaks Hate not controlling you; that's what relationships are to them, they can't handle anything else. Getting this started may sound like too much to do, or that it just isn't necessary, but it's all about having the upper hand over someone who may try to retaliate; so, be prepared. When he hears you want nothing to do with him(preferably with other people with you as witnesses), and knows how many others already know this, he'll have a real incentive to lay off; anything else from him can cost him too much. The last thing Anyone should ever do is nothing; countless women(and many men)didn't say anything because they never thought it would go as far as it does. When it's too late, it's too late.
2016-04-08 22:43:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got dumped by my x girlfriend because of alcohol,i said some bad things when i was drunk which i really do regret.The thing is im a nice guy when im sobre i rarely drink but people think that there actions on alchohol is who they really are and fail to see that alcohol is a dangerous drug that can turn the nicest person into a horrible one after a few drinks.It doesnt reflect who that person truly is.
I made 1 mistake when i was drunk and i didnt get a second chance ,i got drunk said the wrong things and that was it.For some reason the nice guys always get stepped on and the bad one's keep getting chances.
2007-10-15 07:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a very similar situation, and I gave him too many second chances. What a waste. It's true that people can change, but it's not likely to happen over night. If he is going to change, it needs to be for him, not anyone else. I would move on, I know it sucks, it's hard when feelings are involved. You are obviously a very caring person, and when you meet Mr. Right, he will not make you feel this crappy! He will make you feel wonderful all the time! Best wishes!
2007-10-15 07:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by j c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you it must be so hard for you one part of you loves him so much and desperately wants to keep him.
On the other he cannot treat you like this you need to ask yourself do you really want to have to look over you shoulder watching out for him to make sure he isnt going to be embarrising .
Is this how you want to live your life?
I believe people can change but only if they truly want to! I would leave him to it tell him he has three months or a certain amount of time in which to prove to you he has changed set out some ground rules and make these clear to him.
If he strays from them then he obviously doesnt want to change and then he never will.
He does need help and maybe he should seek that from his gp and maybe if your there with him as a friend then that will support him on too.
But you and only you must come first if you are feeling threatened scared abused by this man then dont go back.
He needs to earn your respect back too
Hope it all works out for you xx
2007-10-15 07:16:47 · answer #5 · answered by ***Lisa due dec 4th *** 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would only give him a chance if he agrees to attend AA meeting once a week; however, you said he is abusive so if he hits you or anything like that- do not give him another chance. I'm currently in the same situation and yesterday he just went overboard and threw beer on me a total of 5 times (proving even more that he has a drinking problem)- I'm highly considering kicking him out of my house because of what he does when he drinks.
2007-10-15 07:10:21 · answer #6 · answered by Madison 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change someone if you give them another chance. I think it's just enabling them to keep doing what they're doing, but who knows. Maybe he might change. I don't know your boyfriend personally.
But since you say he is an abusive drunk, I don't think he'll change. Begging for another chance and telling you that he'll change is something very common in abusive relationships...and you know what? They never do change.
To me, it takes tragedy to change someone.
There are plenty more men in the world that can treat you better, and you don't need this guy in your life.
I wish you the best of luck. :)
2007-10-15 07:14:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that deep down inside you know the answer and you should not have to come on here and ask!
Leopard's never change their spots - my dad was abusive & hit my mum for years and always blamed the alcohol - in the end after 18 years marriage he left, she blamed us for him going! If he had a chance he would still be with my mum now but if that was the case then I would have no respect for my mum. Get out while the going is good, there is your somone special out there who does not need a stimulant to control emotions!
2007-10-15 07:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My dad used to have the same problem. He's a lovely man but awful when he drank. So he now doesn't, at all, ever! He was never violent, however just verbal and aggressive.
Is your boyfriend a truly nice person when sober or are there traces of the abusive person there all the time?
People can change, to a point, but only if they truly want to and they honestly mean it. He should get some help.
My dad did. But he wanted to keep my mum and me and my sister enough.
2007-10-15 07:42:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
End it right now. I have worked in the Licensed trade for a long time and,even though I don't know your bloke, I bet I've met him a thousand times, usually when throwing him, drunk and combative, out of the pub. Unless he is already attending AA meetings or in rehab. he is still in the grip of alcoholic addiction and will NEVER change. If you wish to help him, dumping him is probably the best thing you could do for him.
2007-10-15 07:14:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋