Self harm.?

Question

I have been self harming for the best part of five years now. Recently my friend (who has been my best friend for 15 1/2 years now - we're 17) found out, and since then has refused to speak to me, saying that I'm a liar and attention seeking. What can I do to persuade her that im not?

I did make an appointment about a fortnight to see my gp but i bottled out.

Answer 1

I think your friend is scared for you and really doesn't know how to deal with it. Maybe she will come around someday. Try to get help from others that deal with this self harming. Maybe if your friend sees you trying to help yourself she might come around. I say might because she could be scared and angry that you do this. In time you can try to talk to her and tell her that you are getting help on this and that you are sorry and want to be friends again and that you won't keep anything else from her again. Try to save this friendship if you can. That is a long time for being friends and it is worth trying to save.

Answer 2

If you read any literature about self-injury, it will tell you that the NUMBER ONE thing you DON'T do when you find out a friend self-injures is to stop talking to them... unfortunately, that's how a majority of people will respond. The other thing you should NEVER do is give them an ultimatum. (My boyfriend does that with me... and it makes things SO much worse.) Other things to never say to a cutter/self-injurer is to tell them that they're just doing it for attention.
My point is that your friend obviously doesn't know how to handle the situation. You need to talk with someone who does... get some counseling. Self-injury can go on well into adulthood... you need to try and take care of it now. The scars and the pain it causes your friends and family aren't worth it. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best of luck, and I'll pray for your healing. I know how it feels... it's so hard.

Answer 3

Simple. Stop harming yourself. Find better ways to relieve your stress.

Instead of trying to control your life by cutting and deciding that pain is ok if you do it yourself, learn to control your MIND. Controlling your body is easy, it's a cheap way out and it doesn't help in the long run.

Meditate, learn self hypnosis, learn astral projection and lucid dreaming. Turn your brain from an enemy into your best friend. There's a million ways to do it, and they are all worth it.

Find Jesus, find Buddha. Become a scientologist for crying out loud, but don't just be another wasted bright girl who cuts.

Try this for 20 minutes a day for the next month.

Lay down in a quiet room, close your eyes, and take slow deep breaths. make each inhale and exhale last as long as you can.

First say to yourself "I feel my toes relaxing." and they will. Then say "I feel my ankles relaxing" and they will. Go all the way to the top of your head until you reach the top of your head.

Imagine that as you exhale that red smoke it blowing out your mouth as you exhale, taking away all the stress with it. As it goes out of you, you'll feel your body getting lighter.

Just lay there, calmly breathing, blowing out the stress, for about 20 minutes.

I have some "homework" for you. Read THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING by Norman Vincent Peale. It's a classic on how to stop worrying about things and start really living. Any library will have copies. Read it, try what it says.

Answer 4

Sometimes people do harm themselves to get attention, other times they are simply in mental anguish. I do not know if you are or not.

But... if you have REALLY been doing this for 5 years and she just found out, it seems you are not doing this for attention. Otherwise she would have seen this much earlier.

If you really care about your friend, you should care about yourself as well because your friend needs you. Go seek mental help and talk to them about your problem. Once you learn to understand and control your problem you will be able to explain this to your friend. In the meantime, your friend may have the time to think this through and realize you need her.

A very close person to me had this problem. I kept telling the person to seek help and she would not do it. At one point I got upset and tired of it when she threatened to stab herself and I told her to 'go ahead'. She did and they had to airlift her to the hospital and she almost died.

Please... seek help before you go that far. That is the best thing you could do to help get your friendship back on track.

Answer 5

I used to cut and I scared some friends in the process. Its annoying to not be understood right away however. Are you getting help for your cutting? I think she needs to know that you dont condemn what you are doing to yourself. You need to let her know its your outlet for right now and that you would like to get some help if you havent already. Tell her you would like to talk about it and you dont mean to scare her. Ask her why would you choose this way of all ways to get attention? I hope she comes around and I hope you can find someone to talk to about all this. You are not alone.

When I started dealing with my cutting probs I didnt go to a GP. A friend of mine went with me to the hospital to speak with the on call psychiatrist there. I found that more helpful than trying to explain to someone who doesnt specialize in the stuff. I have also used a school counselor to help me get mobilized in getting help before as well. Dont worry GP isnt the only route.

Answer 6

Your friend is probably scared for you. Self harming of any kind is scary to those who care about you. It can also be seen as a way to get attention. I am sure that you feel that it eases whatever pain you feel, but in reality, you are just causing more pain. You need to tell your parents so they can get you some help. This kind of behavior responds very well to treatment. Get help before you accidentally really hurt yourself.

Answer 7

It's probably just tough love. Although, it can definitely be argued that us "cutters" are, indeed, attention seeking (why else would we do it? Well, other than to relieve emotional pain and stress...)... you should definitely focus on fixing yourself and finding other ways to relieve stress. Once you're healed, she'll come back around. I wouldn't call her a bad friend, I'd just say she's probably trying to exhibit tough love. Cutting makes a lot of people very uncomfortable.

Answer 8

hi hon... everyone has their own opinions and i think that your friend is "afraid"....

i'm sorry you are going through this with your friend. maybe give her time and she will come back around.

i also hope you will consider getting help with this issue if you have not already? there are a lot of self injury self help websites out there, and possibly some good forums where you can talk with others who self-harm. Yahoo search might be a good source to look.

take care of yourself. i care.

Answer 9

i imagine you are hurt by all this. however, you may want to give this topic a rest for now. it is very difficult to change a person's mind about things like that.

and the more you try to change someone's mind, the more that person maybe convinced by your pleadings that you WANT to harm yourself, rather than merely NEEDING it.

so just be yourself, get some professional help, and we'll see what happens with your friend. tell her that you appreciate your friendship, and that you are getting help.

you ARE getting help, aren't you?

Answer 10

janet,
ur friend is just scared for u. cutting is a very serious and addiction issue. u need to understand that the longer u go untreated the more serious ur issue wit cutting can become. i kno i hid. my issue from friends and family for 4.5 yrs if u need to talk my email and im is under my profile. take care. and if u havent tried to get help yet i suggest u try now be4 it gets worse.