Why do people say or do things and then turn around and say I am sorry or I apoligize. They way I see it is it still doesen't change the fact that you said or did it. You said or did what you did because that's how you were feeling or that's what you wanted to do. So why be sorry about how you feel and what you said or did, the damage has already been done and can't be undone. The person you said or did it to will always remember what you did before you said I am sorry or I apoligize. If you didn't think it you never would had said it or did it so you must of meant it.
2007-10-15 05:46:12 · 23 answers · asked by honestspeaking 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
they apologized because they caused you pain by being who they are. If they feel bad about being themselves and feel the need to apologize for their actions then thats their insecurity showing. But if you feel bad about what they said then why are you with them? hopefully you took the time to understand them as a person before you got involved
2007-10-15 05:52:12 · answer #1 · answered by ted nation 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't change the fact that the person did or said something that was hurtful, but sometimes people say or do things out of the heat of the moment while they are upset and can't think straight, so they do or say things to upset the other person and make them feel as bad as they feel in the moment, but when they cool down they see things differently and then they regret what they did or said at that time, thus they apologize, and personally I think that forgiving those actions is better for the person that was wronged as if you don't you will feel this bad feeling and it will only be you feeling that way cause the other person has no clue that you still hold grudges against them. I know it is not easy to forgive and forget, but that's the right thing to do as you will be the only one carrying that burden around.
2007-10-15 05:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by miki360 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people say things that they dont mean. We blurt things out when we're angry because we want people to feel what we feel at that moment. Then after we say it, we realize what we did and we feel horrible. No one is perfect, and that's something we all have in commen. We have to accept people for who they are. If your looking for a friendship or a relationship where something like this isn't going to happen, you're going to look for a very long time. That's what makes friendships last, you've been through everything together, and no matter the fights or the harsh words you stick together cuz you need to. When someone says they are sorry after saying that, they generally mean it, even if they dont look it. You can always tell.
2007-10-15 06:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
To me, the hardest part about forgiving someone you care for is over looking all the things you mentioned. I dont know what this person said or did, but I can tell it hurt you. IMO and from experiences of my own, time will heal the wound. When I have been hurt or offended by a friend or loved one, I pray that I can forgive them, and I think of the good times and how special that person is to me and that because we are all human, it may happen again...Or maybe I may do or say something to hurt them unintentionaly.
2007-10-15 05:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by lilypad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an important question. We have seen many a politician make this sort of non-apology apology in recent times. You are correct there is more to it than saying you are sorry.
For instance, if I say something offensive to you and then say I am sorry you were offended, that is not really an apology. If I say I am sorry for what I said and I take it back, that is an apology. If I insult you in front of others it does you little good if I apologize in private. If I insulted you in front of your friends, I should make every effort to either apologize to you in front of them or see to it that they learn from me that I was wrong to say what I said and I apologized to you.
I like to use the Civil Court model. If you damaged someone with your words, you must apologize AND at least attempt to make retribution. If you hurt someone you must attempt to UN-hurt them or minimize the damage to them if you are truly remorseful.
My biggest pet peeve is when someone does something reprehensible like cheating on their spouse and then say they made a mistake. Cheating on your spouse is not a mistake. Painting the bedroom green instead of blue is a mistake. Buying the wrong brand of butter is a mistake. Sleeping with a woman that is not your wife is not done by mistake.
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2007-10-15 06:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jacob W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that many times, people dont want to hurt you. Saying sorry is ofter because we dont realise just how the other person is going to react.
It also normal for people to fight. Sometimes something that hurts is something good. You can both learn to fight fare, to learn to understand one another and perhaps get closer, but, yes, it still hurts.
When someone is intentionally mallicious or of bad character, well, you dont have to accept the apology. You're in control.
Time does heal the hurt. Learn to forgive and forget if that's what you want. Are you better with or without that person in your life?
Hope this helps
P
2007-10-15 05:55:24 · answer #6 · answered by forest_bug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I feel this way at times and then I am criticized as a person that seems "Holier then Thou". I strive to live right and try not to offend others but I do!
In Proverbs it says, "From the mouth flows the issues of the heart." Our heart is forever changing. We ourselves say things we didn't mean to be heard or say things that do hurt with intention. We are in need of forgiveness often because we have not perfected sainthood. We must forgive in order to be forgiven!
2007-10-15 06:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by Dee D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't change the fact that they did say something hurtful especially if you do not know if they are sincere in their apology or not. Sometimes ppl do say things cause they may be jealous of you or have some sort of insecurity and that is the only way they can feel better about themselves ..
2007-10-15 05:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People say what they mean.
Now, I want to make a point. Some people are better at censoring themselves than others.
For example, say person A likes you more than person B.
Person A blurts everything out, while Person B is careful about they say.
We can easily dislike Person A and love Person B when the reality is Person B just holds their tongue better.
So what's better? Person A or Person B.
2007-10-15 05:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by Question Monster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of anger or spite, we've all said things we don't mean. If a person says something hurtful, and apologizes, in my mind they are forgiven. However, if the same person apologizes and then continues doing what they're doing or saying what they're saying, the apology is worthless. Forgive them for your own peace of mind, but don't even acknowledge them anymore. Apologies are so overused nowadays. People think it's their "get out of jail free" card... then they just do it again!
2007-10-15 05:49:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋