I was good friends with her but now she is driving me crazy. She tells me what not to do with my child ( which is her only grand child) if I am doing something she sends me an article about it.
I would just brush it off but now it is becoming a problem. Because she does it more often now and on everything. They visit one day a week but now I am rethinking their visits.
2007-10-15 05:33:49 · 15 answers · asked by clair 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you for so many great answers. Just to add to my information. I don't seek advice from her, yes I am a new mum and I have an awesome Pediatrician that helps me out with baby problems and growing children . And my child is almost,will be 2 @ end of this year.
2007-10-15 08:36:59 · update #1
You may want to explain to your husband, not her, that you might not invite her quite so frequently since it makes you anxious. I think you need some affirmation that you will be a good mom and she isnt giving it. All first moms make some mistakes but they should be your own. Certainly remember that she is trying to help with her own wisdom from experience and try to not take it personally . Let the articles go if you do not want to read. Mainly my advice is do not confront her on it. Those conversations never go well or solve anything. Just gradually begin to be more independent by not having routine weekly visits. Instead , call and invite at random-but be sure the word INVITE is there, not drop in uninvited.
2007-10-15 05:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest way to deal with unwanted advice is to tell the person that you hear them and will think about it and then do whatever it was that you think is the right thing to do anyway. They feel heard and you still make your own decisions.
If it becomes an issue of you actually following the advice you can always blame your choices on your child's doctor. Just say that you discussed the issue with him and you both feel that this way (whatever you're doing) is the best thing for your baby because every baby is different.
2007-10-15 15:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is one important element that is missing from your question and that is your husband. How much support are you getting from him in dealing with his parents? If you are married he is the one that is going to need to stand up for you and the way she is making you feel. Remember when you were married you became one and nothing (not even one of your parents) are supposed to come between you and him. He needs to let her know that her behavior could be viewed as being insulting, but regarless of how much knowledge she believes she has that does not maker her the final authority on how you raise your children, you are the final authority.
Your mother in law may have experience, maybe bad experience, at raising children and seems to believe that she has cornered the market on how to raise children and of course she views you as having no experience.
One thing I would consider doing that should bring an end to her being an "authority" on raising children (and this is not to say that you don't know how to raise a child or even need help) is to take a parenting class. The reason being is that of course you may learn more, but secondly when she continues to tell you what to do or what not to do you can either tell her that is not what they told us (and I suggest dad take the class too) in our parenting class or that yes we know we took a parenting class. If that doesn't keep her quiet about the subject or she refutes what you've been taught, ask her if she is such an expert on child raising why hasn't she written a book about it as you and the whole world have been waiting for wisdom on how to raise a child.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS: You and your husband are one and should be in agreement with how to raise your children. Apparently she believes she knows more than you do and also feels that she has every right to point out everything you are doing wrong. First let her know if she is here to love the child and your company great, but if her intention while visiting is to insult you and your husband's parenting skills they can forego visiting. This needs to come from your husband as it is his mother, just as it would be your responsiblity if it came from your mother. If you took or take a parenting course remind her everytime she gets off track that you took the time to find out how to raise your child from experts and when she gets those credentials you'll take her advice when you ask her for it.
2007-10-15 06:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by cheap advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just delete the emails and don't even read them. What is the point of getting aggravated. Since you only have to see her once a week then let her spend her visit with her grand baby and you keep yourself occupied. Sure you have a lot to do around the house. Just let her go in one ear and out the other. If she asks about the arctics she sends just say thanks but I got in under control no need for you to take the time to send me that stuff. Sure she will get the hint.
2007-10-17 02:15:11 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think stopping the visits would do you any good in fact it could make things worse, she might think your hiding something from her. I think your just going to have to be honest with her and let her know that you and your husband want to raise your child your way. But have a talk to your husband about and whatever you do don't be confrontational with your husband when telling him about it. Get him on your side and then both of you should talk to your mother in law together. It would be smarter to be a united front when you do it. But let your mother know that you agree with some of her ideas but, you need to do things your way and if you need advice she will be one of the people you will ask. That should appease her a bit. Good luck
2007-10-15 05:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem and I moved 3 hrs away. Explain to her that YOU are the mother and you like things done YOUR way. NOT HERS!!! after all this is your child. If you can, move away. Distance is the key to everything. Let her see her grandchild every 3 weeks to 3 months. With me it's usually every 2- months. I just don't have time to drive to them nor to entertain anyone.
2007-10-15 07:26:29 · answer #6 · answered by Drifter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her back the articles folded into paper airplanes. Write a note informing her how much fun your child has with the paper.
2007-10-15 06:28:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW this sounds like my situation....I tought I was the only one insane...
I have the exact same problem!!!
I'm dealing with it now...and I was sooo nice..but, now I had to but a stop to it..cause she will run the show, and take over...
the best way to handle it is...Keep your distance from her.
Allow the visits, cause of ure kid...that just won't be right/or fair. but, your relationship with her/I say just tell her your busy...and she will get the hint... good luck
2007-10-15 16:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to her. Set some boundaries with her and make sure she understands those boundaries. Mothers tend to be over protected over their kids or grand kids. I am sure your mother-in-law means no harm but showing it in the wrong way. See if this helps.
2007-10-15 05:40:34 · answer #9 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she will threaten you with Social amenities and easily frighten you the challenge withn your father and his important different is a small isn't a small one. in the adventure that they could't be left on my own with them that is a massive one. now and again drawing near Social amenities or Barnadoes for advice takes the wind out of a critics sails. i imagine they could be happier with you going to them really than any opposite direction round, the "small " situation consisting of your father concerns me truly and that i ask your self what the can of worms is the following
2016-10-21 05:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋