Yahoo Friends, I thank you all so much for all your well wishes and I am proud to report that i found my father after 30 years, but my joy and happiness has now been clouded by the fact that his wife and daughter are not as receiving as he and my brother are. I called the number that was listed and it was the right one. I learned that in edition to the four siblings I grew up with, my father had four addition. Three boys and one girl just like my mother. I have communicated with one brother everyday since I found them. The other two are aware of me but we have not spoken. The girl however totally does not want to let me in. His wife feels like I may walk out on him as he did me. Now, while I respect them and understand how they feel, I deserve a space in his life as well, right?I have wanted this for 30 years and now I am wondering if I am just setting myself up for more rejection and hurt I am not understanding why I am getting this treatment?Am I wrong 4 wanting a spot in his life?
2007-10-15 05:23:38 · 5 answers · asked by lashenica j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My father and i talked a bit and from what he tells me he was pretty much told to stay away by my now stepfather. I know I am in a vulnerable state right now and this is new for me as well. I constantly ask myself why now if he didn't want me then. I really want to give him a chance because what happened then between he and my mom and stepfather is between them and they have to fix that. My only angle is to know the man who was responsible for creating me. I hate him but I love him even more, i am all over the place with emotion. Women I know can be so hard to deal with but I donot think it is fair for them to treat me this way. I had nothing to do with getting here, so why now am i being viewed in their eyes as the bad one. They want talk to me so it is somewhat hard to prove myself to them.
2007-10-15 05:47:50 · update #1
Give those who are giving you bad signals some time.
This is upsetting to a lot of people, to have relatives of relatives bob up.
So, continue contact with your father and brother.
Don't push. You can't force yourself on people who aren't ready to deal with you. They may come around (pushing will make this either less likely or take longer), or they may not.
Either way, you have a father and brother in your life.
Accept what you have, and don't try for more.
This is the beginning. You don't know how it will all play out.
There are resources for estranged relatives getting together. I bet there's a lot of writings on the web about such things. You may want to do some browsing around. (Sorry, I don't know where; but this isn't unique, so someone has written about it.)
Try not to be hurt by rejection -- after all, they don't know you. You SEEM like a disruption to them, and are an unknown entity.
Give everyone time.
When they see you aren't hurting him, or trying to take him away from them, they may relent.
2007-10-15 07:31:02 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve a spot in his life, so stick with the brother and get closer to him and let him guide you into the family. The wife and daughter are probably afraid and most likely have feelings of being replaced. For the beginning I would go slow in the relationship ease everyone into to it. But stay close to the brother. The rest of the family may think you want something other than love from your father and it will take time to prove to them that you just want to be part of your dads life. My heart goes out to you, one other thing to check is internet sites where other adopties have gone through this and other situations Good luck.
2007-10-15 12:37:03 · answer #2 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one thing with this matter just because you wanted to find him overall he might not want to find you as hard as that might be it is the truth when i meet my dad for the first time 1 year ago after never seeing him for 24 years i had called and said who i was he then in turn asked um ya and what is your point and what do you want i was totally crushed i found out after i have 8 more siblings from him and was able to talk to one of them due to they are a real social butterfly the others all say they never knew of me or want to know me they have lived x amount of years with out me and living the rest of there lives will not hurt them at all i joined a support group and with the past year with my brother James he has slowly introduced me to my other siblings and my step mom and dad and we now kinda get along not you might not get invited to all the BBQ or x mas but one here and one there will slowly get you to view more good luck and take care
also try to join a support group those buggers help a lot
2007-10-15 13:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by rodeogirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the guy didnt contact you for 30 years the dream of having a true father daughter relationship is pretty bleak. Be very carefull not to put too much into this or you are going to get hurt.
2007-10-15 12:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by Belinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong, and this is a situation between you and your father. His wife has some jealousy issues, i do believe.
If it were me, i would't put such emphasis on the wife and daughter. Let them have their feelings, you can't change them overnight.
Perhaps in time, things will smooth over with these two. For now, concentrate on the relationship with you and your dad.
take care.
2007-10-15 12:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋