My husband, two young children, and I moved to a new state where we did not know anyone. We have been here for 2 years now. We are thinking about moving back "home" where all our family is. We like where we are now, but it's really hard with no family to help us with our kids. We NEVER get time for ourselves. I feel like my children are missing out on their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. What do you think is more important in the long run, family or living in a community that you really like? We just don't want to be selfish and do what's right for our kids, and we really miss our family. Please help. Thanks!
2007-10-15 05:15:42 · 16 answers · asked by flyaway 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The old reliable pros and cons list is always a good place to start. But you could make a list and have 50 things on the pro side and only 2-3 on the con and still find the con side to be the more appealing.
You have to go with your gut and realize that sometimes you'll make the wrong decision. Or maybe you'll figure out two years later that you didn't give enough weight to some factors and decide to reverse course.
From your question it sounds like family is very important to you. Maybe moving back home is the right option. Even if it means giving up a nicer home, better paying job, or better schools.
2007-10-15 05:24:02 · answer #1 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question. My husband and I did the same thing when our daughter was 5 - she is now 26. We didn't move to another state, but we did move about 200 miles from "home" and both of our families. It was very hard, but I feel it brought us together as a family. We learned to depend on each other more, and how to have fun together more often. We did get a break for about a week each summer when Amy went to stay with family for a week. If I had to do it over, I would do the same thing again.
This is an individual choice. It was good for us to get away, but it may not be for you. There is no way you will ever know if you made the right decision or not. I look at it this way, who knows what may have happened to us if we had stayed. There could have been a devastating event that was avoided because we were not in the wrong place at the wrong time because we moved away. But I will never know.
I think what is best for you is what is best for your kids. If they are happy there, and you have a good life there, where you are has to be good for them, too. Your kids will be grown and gone before you know it, and where you are now will be "home" as far as they are concerned, too.
2007-10-15 05:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by nurse ratchet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like what you miss is the help and not the family. Twice you mentioned that you missed the help and then you tried to blame it on feeling like the kids are missing out on something. In the long run what is important to children is their Moms and Dads. If the place you are at provides a better future for your kids then where you came from you should stay.
If you and your husband need a break, as all us parents do now and then, send the kids back to visit or get someone to fly out and stay with them while the two of you take a vacation. But moving back just to get someones help with your kids is a bad idea. You and your husband need to be able to show your kids that you are able to care and provide for your family without any outside help. That provides a sense of security and family for them.
If the move was just a bad idea and a mistake then correct it. But don't run home just for a baby sitter.
2007-10-15 05:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by Average Joe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really miss your family, and you think that your children will benefit from the wisdom, humor etc of their extended family, by all means, move back. Even a good community is no substitute for family.
Perhaps you could try to think ahead 20 or 25 years, and think about where you want to be in your lives, what do you hope for your children in terms of their futures, and that may help to think through whether or not you should move.
You're right, though, such decisions are not to be made lightly.
Best wishes!
2007-10-15 05:21:07 · answer #4 · answered by mongoose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bloom where you are planted. Read on this site all the problems people have with too much family nearby. Why not stay where you are and enjoy the tradition of going to visit on holidays. Congratulations on blending in so quickly and making good friends. You must be wonderful people and going to become pillars of the community. What stood out in your message is that you dont have help with the kids. That is the wrong reason to move back. Imposing on family to help is not right and again, you can read on this site lots of messages from grandmoms, aunts etc saying how they get stuck ( they wont say it to you but will on this site) babysitting etc. Hire some teen nanny to help or a housekeeper which will be cheaper than the moving expense. You will maintain a wonderful relationship always with your family that way since NOTHING is free ( their help) in this world. Best wishes
2007-10-15 05:34:41 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough decision, but don't you think the love and support you provide for your kids, and time spent together is enough?
I lived a good distance from my family (400+miles) and visited my mother a few times a year, and talked on the phone regularly. I liked the area in which i lived, and wasn't particularly fond of her area.
later i did try moving back, and was disappointed.
Do what you think is best for you and your family. that's my best answer.
2007-10-15 05:28:29 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, how would be the situation for your children in your "home" state? Would it be so bad compared to present situation?
It's also very surprishing that you never get time for yourselves.
Try to separate the problems in your present situation, and their more probably causes, and try to figure out possible problems in your "home" state, and find out if the problem is about the way you do things or the place where you are, and the solutions that will help you solving your problem, could you find them in your present state, or in your home state?
Also considerate the situation for your children... having a good enviroment at school and neighbourhood is very important in personality development.
2007-10-15 05:27:58 · answer #7 · answered by Keihla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it's a no brainer, family is the most important thing. I have cancer and was out of touch with my family for quite awhile. And now I have my sister with me alot and nothing can make up for time lost. Family is the most important thing. And as far as community you can be community minded and be involved no matter where you live. Good luck Also what are your gut instincts telling you?
2007-10-15 05:27:03 · answer #8 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really is no "right" answer. People make the best decisions they can given the information they have.
Have you reached out to get involved in your community? Activities? Play groups? Volunteering? PTA? Church groups? Sometimes people can create substitute family when there is no real family around.
It is really up to you guys. Either choose to better where you are now, or go back to your family.
2007-10-15 05:20:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was a child my father dragged us to several places as he was 'transferred' by the company he worked for and as such it was-- I never got to know much about my family. Now most of them are gone and I often feel quite alone. I would say then that it is a better choice to stay close to your family.
On the other hand if you simply want to get away from your family here is a website that will help you chose a good place to live:
http://www.findyourspot.com/
2007-10-15 05:19:47 · answer #10 · answered by Double O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋