My boyfriend and i have just recently moved in to our very first flat together and i was extatic to finally get out of his mums house and set up home. Unfortunatley for my boyfriend, his dad died a few months prior and left him an alladins cave of stuff in his will, he got 15 guitars, 4 amps, 2 computers, 1 wardrobe, 20 swords (repllica samurais), a box full of expensive knives and loads of little knick knacks. My problem is that that, while im really gutted for his loss and i can see how much all this stuff has helped get over that, now we've got all that stuff piled into our 1 bed flat, theres absolutley nowhere for my personality. Every where i look, i see all my father in laws possessions rather than mine and joes, i just feel terrible for having a problem with it but i just wanted me and my boyfriend to slap OUR personalitys over it and even my family have told me that walking into the flat, they'd of thought a middle aged single bloke was livng there.
2007-10-15 05:14:37 · 43 answers · asked by gemba253 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I cant exactly ask him to put everything in the attic but i cant live in a house full of stuff that isn't even mine either, what should i do?
2007-10-15 05:16:10 · update #1
Can you rent a storage unit? The storage units will be able to hold all of your boyfriend's dad's items. Since the items are valuable, maybe you can rent one with air conditioning.
Also, I was wondering, can't your boyfriend just leave everything at his mom's house?
2007-10-15 05:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by David B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compromise! You and him sit down and go through some of his dads things, and pick a few things that you could hang on a wall or something. Or you could simply find some pics. of his dad, and old memories, say of him with his dad when little sharing say a fottball game together, or playing guitar together. Make a colloge of photos for him or have it made, get some guitar hangers for the wall. Then make one small wall a memory shrine to his dad. Put the rest in storage, or ask his mom if anyone would want any of what is left over. Or he could sell it. I know that this can be hard. I have been in his shoes. I have lost my mom just recently, my grandfather, my great great grandmother and my brother. Not to mention many other family members, yet not recently. I have had a huge hit of death in just the past 2 years. So, I know that you don't want to hurt his feelings, and you won't he will understand. You can help him move on by standing by his side and helping him go through all this together. He will respect you for your honesty, and loving support. I hope things work out for you guys. Congrats on the new flat!! Once you guys get this sorted through you will be able to enjoy your lives together. Good luck ! :)
2007-10-15 05:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one, I feel for you. There are only two things I can imagine you doing the first one is to wait for a year and then slowly change things, but that could cause problems because he could get so used to the way things look that changing it could be a problem. The second thing is to set one area or wall and make it into his dads wall. Hang all the guitars, and swords and put the amps kitty corner and the knick knacks on shelfs built kitty corner, but make it one wall sort of a shrine. So in other words don't spread the stuff all over, It means alot to him so if you set it up like a shrine at least then the rest of your apartment can be for the two of you. I hope you have room or a wall big enough for it and honestly good luck.
2007-10-15 05:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Part of living together is learning to compromise and make adjustments to circumstances like these.
I would have a talk with your boyfriend and ask if he would be willing to choose some of the more meaningful items to display at your place, and perhaps store the rest somewhere else.
Or perhaps you could most of it a closet somewhere?
Or maybe you could split up responsibility for the decor of the flat - so that he could put his Dad's stuff in some rooms and not in other rooms, so the place isn't overwhelmed with it.
I don't see this as a moral dilemma so much as a touch communication problem. Make sure when you talk with him that you express how sorry you are for his loss, and that you are willing to hear any suggestions that he may have for sharing the space equally.
2007-10-15 05:20:50 · answer #4 · answered by Theresa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't he put it in the attic? Attics are for things we don't use every day, but don't want to sell, give away or throw away. He could take out a few things he really likes or treasures most and put them up on the wall or in a display case to keep them nice. The other stuff, you guys can put into something that will keep them protected and store in the attic where he can go look at them whenever he wants to. This way, he has reminders of his dad, as well as some things to pass on to future generations, and you both have room to make your own mark on the place.
He may be overwhelmed by it all as well, and feeling weird or disloyal for even thinking it, so it may be a relief if you bring it up.
2007-10-15 05:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never have the right to ask your boyfriend to get rid of his father's possessions. Seeing them may provide a lot of comfort at this time. I think you should ask him to help you arrange everything in an orderly manner and for him to see if there is anything he would like to store in the attic. He may be relieved to move most of it out of your living space. Remember, at some point, your boyfriend may have a son and it would be so unfair not to keep something special (knives & swords) for his inheritance. Relax and enjoy your new home and don't stress over the small stuff.
2007-10-15 05:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by Laredo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you and your boyfriend can select some of the things to display and suggest the other things be put in the attic. Every few months, you can switch things around so that new things are displayed. Maybe a couple of guitars could be hung up as wall art. Maybe the swords could be hung over doorways. You could have a lamp made out of one of the guitars, even.
Gently talk to your boyfriend about this. Let him know it's not that you want him to forget his dad, it's that you want your house to be a reflection of the two or you, too. Let him know you don't expect him to get rid of anything, you just want room to decorate.
Good luck.
2007-10-15 05:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely can ask him to put the stuff in the attic... Tell him that you respect his father and his need to keep his father's things and that you empathize with his feelings.
Explain how you would like your home to be/look/feel...then ask him how he would feel about setting the attic up as a personal space
to pay homage to his dad...arrange everything in a way that looks appealing and invititing... so that you can both have a place to go and reflect on his father and what he meant to you...and also have a space to return to when you are finished... your own personalized space that reflects the two of you and who you are.
You're only alternative is to put it in storage, which I am assuming is out of the question...or suck it up and live with it.
2007-10-15 05:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by Antonia F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have too. You have to say something or it will drive you nuts and resentment will set in.
Just ask him if he would mind keeping a few special things around but all that he doesn't actually use could be put away in storage where it's safe and he can look at it all whenever he likes. I know it's a hard subject to bring up but you gotta do it.
Say you're afraid of it getting damaged or invite a friend to stay so he has to move some of his dads things to make room. Good luck
2007-10-15 05:21:38 · answer #9 · answered by Heidi. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...Just be grateful!
Whoah if I had those things I'd rock the house...and if you don't agree with me just sell 'em.
If they are in good shape I guess you can sell them to a electronics shop.About those samurai non-sence you can sell them in any weapons shop.
I know that your husband is feeling depressed after his loss but soon he'll get over it and he will see the things as you see it...I mean like there's not much space for your things and all that.
If he ever gets that idea just tell him to sell them...REMEMBER - Everything you throw away should come with a price (my motto).
Do not sell them on eBay EVER!
-because there may be an 11 year old posing as an adult that may buy the knifes and you can get arrested for that.Just sell 'em at an old shop...speaking of OLD you can sell the knifes at an antique shop IF they are old and dirty.
Good luck,melady!
2007-10-15 05:38:53 · answer #10 · answered by Nevermind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about this. Ask him if he can keep just a few items that mean lot to him in the flat and put the rest away somewhere safe as you would like to put some things around the place too. I am sure he Will understand, he is still grieving for his dad and probably hasn't even thought about it
2007-10-15 05:19:07 · answer #11 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋