Me and my friend booked a flight only to Italy for this weekend just gone. The transport to the airport was not organised nor was anything once we got there.
Now I always end up organising because shes not pro active at all, but shes a friend and I care for her. I am always there listening to her problems (phone and face to face) and she barely listens to mine.
My cousin died last week and its the anniversary of the death of my sister coming up so Im having personal problems too.
Now on Friday she text me saying 'when are you coming down tomorrow?' I gnored this text and we ended up not goint to Italy.
She then text me last night saying 'am disgusted in the way you did this...you know what ive been going through past few days. Never again''
But she NEVER takes my life into consideration.
Was what I did, wrong? Please help. Thank you in advance.
2007-10-15 02:28:00 · 22 answers · asked by Autumn 2012 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The tickets were £80 each return but we can claim a refund.
2007-10-15 02:47:48 · update #1
Yes - lack of communication. I ALWAYS end up listening to her. When I go and speak..she will say 'awww' or something to that effect. ...and then off she goes again about HER.
2007-10-15 02:52:40 · update #2
Good point Blossom. Thanks.
2007-10-15 03:29:33 · update #3
You probably should have answered the text............even just to say you didn't feel like traveling because of your problems.
You have to communicate for people to know what's going on.
However, if she is consistently insensitive to you --- then she's not a real friend.
Her text last night was probably out of disappointment and maybe self-centeredness. Do you really want to be close friends with this person?
Instead of texting over this, I would suggest a heart-to-heart that is face-to-face.
Sorry about your sister and your cousin.........
2007-10-15 02:34:10 · answer #1 · answered by fanofchan 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Never? She NEVER takes your life into consideration? If that is truly the case - if you had any smarts - you would have been done with the relationship. I think you are exaggerating because you are fed up. I'm sure that SOMETIMES she takes your life into consideration.
Your communication with your friend is the problem. She tends to put herself first a lot - and not being able to just discuss it with her - and how it makes you feel - you chose to play a little game of dumping the planning on her - without really telling her. Was it "her turn" - sure. Would it have been fair of you to ask? Absolutely! But your communication was not very good at all.
You're both going through hard times. Friends support each other when stuff like this happens. I don't think you're really friends.
Were you wrong? What does it matter? Ask yourself this: "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" - because very often the two don't go together.
And - how much money was lost on the tickets!?!?!?!?
2007-10-15 02:41:08 · answer #2 · answered by liddabet 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a friend means a two way relationship. My mates and i have a laugh, we are total jokers but we both know when the time is to get serious and listen to each others problems.
An articifical friendship would just involve the laughing and it appears that your friend does not even care enough to want to know your feelings and is no doubt very self-obsessed.
It was not a bad thing to do at all though maybe you could have confronted her about it. Though from what you have posted i doubt it would have made much of a difference. Good riddance?
2007-10-15 02:49:13 · answer #3 · answered by almanac2015 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't judge people by their instincts, so I am not going to say right or wrong. All I am going to say is that open communication is the key to a successfully relationship. Your argument is completely justified, and she should be more sensitive to you l as well. The only thing to do is to tell her how you feel. It may be a difficult thing to do, yet trying to get over the situation is not the solution. Don't start new and forget the past, go over the argument, and learn from it. Make sure you understand each other, and continue open communication.
2007-10-15 02:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Israel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you didnt do anything wrong, but maybe went about it the wrong way. If she is a good friend, you should be able to talk to her and tell her, in a way that won't be too aggressive. let her know, like... hey, Ive been doing some thinking about a few things, and I have realized that I am always listening to your problems or issues, but when I have some personal issues going on, it would be nice if you could be there and listen for me. you are my best freind, and I would hate for anything to ever come between us, but would you mind listening to my issues? I need your support.
Make her feel like you have given her a major invite to your world. and on a positive note. not neg.
2007-10-15 02:45:38 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you were in the wrong. She has been wrong in the past, but as they say, two wrongs really don't make a right. It seems to me that you knew she wasn't going to take responsibility and to make a point, neither did you and you ended up both losing out. If you really had wanted her to change her ways, you should have told her "I have a lot going on at the moment, and this time, you're going to have to make the arrangments" and at least let her know that things are not going to go the usual way they did in the past. I can understand how you feel about her past actions, but I can't agree that you were right. Perhaps your friendship has just passed it's sell-by date and you both need to find other travelling partners.
2007-10-15 02:34:49 · answer #6 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have your problems. It also,looks like you both were a bit insensitive to each other, therefore, the two wrongs... You friend also seems to be over-dramatic, but you can fix it later (if you choose) by explaining your situation at the time. If she's a real friend, she'll understand and apologies should be made by both of you.
Sorry to hear about your losses.
2007-10-15 02:42:55 · answer #7 · answered by Brewspy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your cousin.
But that doesn't excuse that you were rude in not definitively cancelling your agreed-on plans. I know you've got a lot on your mind, but it would have taken all of 30 seconds to say, "I'm not up to make the trip because of the death in my family," instead of ignoring her.
Again, I'm sorry about your cousin. You may find that you can get better support from your friends in times of crisis if you let them know what is wrong instead of being passive-aggressive in making them guess.
2007-10-15 03:27:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably too busy thinking about her problems. She may know you hav problems too. But you two decided to go away to get yall problems solved. But no, you didn't go. And you two got mad at each other. Previous Problems haven't solved, now you guys created more problems. Talk to her and work something out. Just don't be in drama situations. she wasn't crying when you tell her ur problems. She will relize that she wasn't good enough to be ur good friend. Tell her straight bro.
2007-10-15 02:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by vu_tran764 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should have let her know about the trip to italy was not going to happen
other than that she is in the wrong, as a friend she should be more sensitive and supportive
maybe she also forgot about your sad aniversaries you can also remind her
friendship is give and take
both of you need to work on it hard
2007-10-15 02:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋