2007-10-15 01:48:40 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We've been together 3 years and the subject of marriage came up nearly 2 years ago. I'd like to be engaged for 1-2 years to give us time to plan. I just want him to show me some commitment, is that wrong?
2007-10-15 02:42:38 · update #1
Honestly, I would never wait...life it too short.
2007-10-15 05:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by WorldTraveler 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Why should you have to wait for him? You are just as much a part of this relationship as he is, so you have just as much right to bring up the subject as he does. Depending on your age and where you are in life, it seems perfectly reasonable to not want to stay in a relationship that has no future. So...just tell him how you feel. Avoid giving him an ultimatum - that approach backfires more times than not. Ask him how he feels about you and your relationship and what he wants for the future. Then tell him how you feel and what you want. YOu can't make any decisions until you have all the information. If after that conversation he is still not ready to commit, you have to decide whether you want to invest any more time and energy in a relationship that may not be going anywhere.
Good luck!
2007-10-15 03:54:42 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely not being unreasonable to expect some progress after 3 years of exclusive dating. Most men that I have surveyed have stated that a man usually knows after 1 year of dating if he will marry a woman. In fact, even my ex-boyfriend, (on whom I waited for 11 years and did not marry), once stated that after 1 year of dating, a man "just knows". Perhaps that should have been a wake-up call for me....LOL
Most importantly, to thine self be true. In other words, know what it is that you are actually seeking, know why those goals are important to you and never hesitate to effectively communicate those desires and needs to the guy early. Finally, do realize that not every man that you date will have the same goals or dreams. Instead of becoming impatient, angry or depressed, just appreciate that some people were only meant to be in your life for a reason or a season. As far as a definite time line, only you know what will suit you best....but for goodness sakes, don't wait 11 years!!!
2007-10-15 12:48:08 · answer #3 · answered by Deborah L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends on you. Are you willing to wait for him? Some men are worth waiting for and some are not. You need to find out in your heart if he's the one for you. Do some soul and heart searching before you decide to give up. There is no set timeline of when everyone should be married by.
Just because you don't have a ring on your finger doesn't mean that he isn't commited. 3 years is a commitment, honey. Just because all of your friends are getting married doesn't mean that it's time for you and your boy to get married. A friend of mine has been dating her man for 8 years, and they're only now starting to look at rings because they weren't ready before now.
2007-10-15 04:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by theewokprincess 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband asked me to go ring shopping with him after one month of dating. I was 25, he was 32. 3 months later he proposed and we've been married just over 2 years and together over 4 years.
In my case, my husband was the first guy I actually wanted to marry. The other guys I dated were just boyfriends and I didn't want marriage from them. But if I had wanted it, I wouldn't have waited more then 6 months.
2007-10-15 08:19:29 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's not wrong at all. I'm also in the same boat as you. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and the subject comes up a lot. He gets mad at me cause he's like "you don't ever like to be surprised". Well I also want to know what my future will be with him if any. I'm going to wait as long as I can for him to pop the question to me. If it gets passed 5 years then I'll have to talk to him more about it.
2007-10-15 03:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by shy girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sister waited for a few years. I want to say 6 years but I'm not positive on that. They ended up getting married and have been married for 5 years now. I'm not sure what his reason was for waiting. His brother was worse. His brother has had women give him ultimatums (marry me or we're breaking up). He broke up with them. He finally got married last year after only dating the woman about a year.
2007-10-15 02:41:17 · answer #7 · answered by angela 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the two of your and your individual situations. It depends on your reasons for getting married and your reasons for waiting. It depends on finances and history. No one can say what is the right amount of time for someone else to wait.
Me? I waited 7 years for him to propose... and then he wondered why I wanted to get married so fast! :-) It wasn't THAT fast (about 8 months), but compared to 7 years it was!
We've been married for 20 years now. I'm glad I was patient with him and waited until he was ready/sure!
2007-10-15 10:53:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on your situation and the reasons why he has not proposed. Is it a commitment issue? If so, I personally would not wait around long. If it is a financial issue, I would give him longer but would talk to him and make sure we both want the same things.
2007-10-15 01:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by clg1975 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if he is worth the wait and you talk about it all the time, then wait. If he has no valid reasons, and just refuses to tie the knot then you need to have a serious talk.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. We first talked about it 5 years ago with the plan to be engaged 3 years ago. When he decided to stay in school and get his Masters/PHD, he stated he wanted to finish school first and I agree. I do wish he would understand the idea of a long engagement, however he would rather get me a ring I would never want to upgrade, than upgrade later in life...and to do that, I have to wait until he is finished with school.
If you love him and want to be with him the rest of your life, waiting shouldn't be a problem. If you have a problem with waiting, I suggest you reconsider why you want to be with this man. Are you truly in love with him and want to spend your life with him or are you in love with the idea of love and marriage?
Good luck!
2007-10-15 03:20:39 · answer #10 · answered by VB 6 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, it is your life as much as it is his, you don't have to put yourself on hold waiting for him to propose.
Ask him what he sees in store for your relationship and if he hems and haws, and is uncomfortable or says something stupid like "wait and see what happens" then you know he is not ready.
There is nothing wrong with an ultimatum. Nothing dramatic, just tell him he gets 6 months to firm up in his mind where he wants the relationship to go. If he doesn't know by then, there is your answer.
If you are not living together it is a lot easier to adjust your mind to moving on.
2007-10-15 04:22:13 · answer #11 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋