Bad Experience has left me w/ a fear of men. I REALLY need help!?

Question

2 summers ago I volunteered at a museum with another girl I knew. There was one man there who would follow us around; he was a volunteer also so we didn't think to much about it. Then he would start to stand very very close to us, or would stare at our chests when we wore tanktops. But that wasn't the worst. Towards the end of the summer he would joke about how we put something in the wrong spot and that we should be spanked. We were disturbed by this, but we just laughed. Then he would basically threaten to take off our pants and spank us. Soon after we quit, but it still affects me. I'm a freshman and now I think all men are out to rape me and I'm terrified by them. I don't want to tell my parents about this experience, but I really need some help. Some friends said to see the school counselor, but I don't know how that would help & I wouldn't be comfortable explaining this them (mine is a guy). I really need help. Please nothing about telling my parents. I can't for many reasons.

I asked this question awhile ago, but people were putting answers that weren't even serious. Someone even said I should've let him because then I wouldn't be in this mess.

Please only answer if you are serious.

Someone said to talk to a teacher, but there is only one that I trust and it is a guy. Could he still help me out do you think? How do I bring up this subject to ANYONE?

Answer 1

Your school counselor can refer you to a school psychologist. I would tell your counselor whatever details you feel comfortable revealing and say you want to talk to a school psychologist. Most schools have them, and I wasn't aware of them until I saw one, and it was helpful. I'm not sure if you are 15 yet, but in most states you can see a counselor at 15 without your parents knowing. If you have a college near it could be free there.

Answer 2

Ok, this is obviously a complex situation. He was obviously affected by your emotional affair and that might be why he seems to not let you have any freedom. He's afraid you'll cheat again. I've sourced an article on how to save a marriage after an affair. I understand you wanting to make it work for the children because it's better for them to be in a home with mom and dad and not be part of or witness all the battles that WILL come from a divorce. So I hope that you do give it a try at least so you'll know. There's hurt on both sides that will need to be over come. I've also sourced an article called, "Love But Not In Love" that might help you in putting the relationships back together or seeing if it's possible. If he cares enough to be afraid you'll cheat, he still has feelings for you so there's a chance. I wish you the best and ecourage you to fight to save your marriage instead of you and your family just becoming another statistic.

Answer 3

Being proactive about the sexual harassment might boost your confidence and allow you to move on and what he was doing was certainly "sexual harassment". Since you were a volunteer, is it possible you could now report the man to the museum human resources department and not have any fear of repercussions? You dont even have to report it in person if you are away from that area now. Send them a formal letter with your complaint and make it clear you want them to be aware of his harassment. You don't have to press any charges or ask for any compensation to report it. Was he a volunteer as well or permanent staff? If his behavior is not reported, he will continue harassing others and even if the museum does nothing immediate, his actions will now be noted and may serve to help someone else he bothers in the future.
Many campuses offer counseling one on one or in group. They also offer woman's clubs or even self defense classes. Joining some of these or completing a self defense course will definitely boost your confidence and after you can take another look at whether you think you need some counseling or not. Don't let this one person spoil future wonderful relationships for you.

Answer 4

3 years back i used to travel by train, early morning and i was the first person to be at the station. And there was this guy who used to wave his di** at me everyday. I couldnt tell this to my dad i was soo embarassed. I can understand why u cant tell u parents.
Then i saw this guy standing in an "all ladies compartment" and masturbating .
Then once i was in a very crowded bus and when i got down my bad was wet with ***.
And this happens every alternate day when a guy would press himself against me or walk/stand very close to me. "Staring/Touching " at worng places is every hour phenomenon.
Oh god just thinking about it allover again makes me puke.
But listen you will get over it. Coz u will encounter this again and again in your life maybe even when you will turn 50.
Some men out there are really sick andcheap and you can just not help it. Only avoid them .
I know its a very pessimistic stand am taking but sweetie thats the only way out.
THese things will happen , your bf,parents, police cannot be everywhere. So just let it be. Think like this ...these people will be punished somewhere in their own time.

Answer 5

U met with the incident 2 summers agoin a meseum. U didnotturn up 2 that meseum again and that ditrty fellow didnotsaw u again.Why 2worry? There r men of every kind u will come across in yr life as u grow.It is yr imagination that he threatened to takeaway yr pant and rape u.It is not a constent threat u get than why totell such things to yourparent.Yes,if he orsomeoneforciblycomply u tosleepwith someonethan u canregisteryr protestwithanyone.No need to worry. Just forget suchthings. U will furthercome across with such people when u movearouid.But don't scares of them.

Answer 6

I think the best thing for you is too tell your parents. If you tell a teacher or the counselor, im pretty sure that they will tell your parents sooner or later. if you tell them. they'll help you realize that not all men are like that. I thought the same.When my cousin tried to abuse me. I thougt it was my fault. But i realized that he knew what he was doing. and I know now that theres not all guys that are like that. Thats the main the you need to put it your head. Not all guys are like that but you should be always careful. I hope everything works out for you.
Take care.

Ciao

Answer 7

..when i was 9 years old, running down the stairs of my building, i had a rilly bad experience of a man, trying to rape me.he had his arms wrapped around my mouth i couldnt even yell for help.but sum kinda miracle happened, i scratched his face soo badly det he threw me down and ran away..i still remember det day so clearly,im 19 now and whenever i try to think abt that day, it seems as if it happened jst yesterday.i used to be so frightened of every man who came infront of me.only one thought used to come in my mind, is he that man?? but as time went by, i got over this..time healed everythiing.so dear, jst give urself some time and remember, not ever man is the same.talk to sumone whom u feel comfortable with and whom u trust. everything will be allright!

Answer 8

You can't put all men under one category. There are many types of guys out there. Yes there are some crazy ones out there but you just have to be careful and try your best to weed out the bad ones and hold on to the ones you feel safe with.

Answer 9

Not all men are like this. I know SO many wonderful, gentle, lovely, loving, nice, kind men who'd NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt anyone, and don't think like this at all. In fact, the men who do, SICKEN the men I know who are nice, and the nice men are disgusted by people like this.

Answer 10

hon, it seems you sound a little too young to worry about men. Try maybe to just let yourself get over the bad experience and heal in your own time.