my bro is in the US ARMY and i'll like to tell him a few kick *** jokes...got any
2007-10-14 18:39:22 · 13 answers · asked by onetreehunny 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
----------------------------------------------------------------
The soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
2007-10-15 06:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by Neekoleye 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
whats the difference between a zebra and a female soldier?
A zebra doesn't have to lay on its back to get its stripes
News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?" Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowl full of hot, spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ***," said the Marine." "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ***," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ***. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, the Iraqis wer! e dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ***?" "What!?" said the Marine, "And have you assholes call ME the aggressor?"
2007-10-14 21:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by King Of Battle 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Military Intelligence.
2016-05-22 16:02:43 · answer #3 · answered by lauren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are the Marines under the Navy?
Because the Army got first choice and they picked mules.
Air Force Retired.
Sempre Fi Marines
2007-10-14 18:46:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Aliens capture three specimen of humans. they set up a test for them: every specimen is provided with the two billiard balls and thirty minutes of undisturbed time. thirty minutes pass and aliens check for results>
first specimen, .. army .. managed to juggle both balls with one hand..
the second air force managed to hit one of the balls in the opposite corner of the examination cell with the other one...
the third.. marine is crying in the corner... "what happened?" I lost one and broke the other one, he answers...
No offense included ,populate the persons of the joke with your branches at your will,
marines, sorry used as precise translation as possible, we tell this joke with a deep recon as the third specimen :)
2007-10-14 19:22:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What does A R M Y stand for = Ain't Really Marines Yet !
Yes, we ARE a Dept. of the Navy...the MENS department.
William B : We had our choice of wingnuts or sheep as dance partners. Airmen would be too obvious ! Happy landings !
2007-10-14 19:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by commanderbuck383 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Why did the kid put a Y on his arm? he wanted the Army!
How do you get rid of Harm? Drop the H and add y after the m and you get army
Those are Groaners.. for more groaners see my blog ca.360.yahoo.com/ddherbals
2007-10-14 18:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
How many solders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just 1 and 10 to sit off to the side telling the one putting it in, how much harder it was when they had to do it back in the day.
2007-10-14 19:20:47 · answer #8 · answered by SOLO KING 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
This soldier decides to hunt turkey at his base because Thanksgiving was coming up. So he hops over a near by fence with his rifle, gets himselve a turkey and hops back over the fence thinking they would "score points" with his unit. Instead he met a few angry officers just waiting on the other side of the fence. One of them barked, "You idiot, you were hunting in a mine field!"
When patroling in the west, the soldiers would tie one end of the rope to their wrist and one end to the horse so the natives couldn't steal them without waking up the soldier. Sometimes the soldier would wake up with just a freshly cut rope and no horse.
The U.S. army has more aircraft than the airforce and more boats than the navy.
What's the proper response when somebody passes gas? "We hear you lieutenant. We are going to get you out."
2007-10-14 19:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by gregory_dittman 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
How many officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they would rather sit in the dark and complain about it.
2007-10-14 18:49:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋