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I have this girl who I've been going out for about 3 months with, and I she's the best girlfriend I've ever had. I've gone out with many girls and never have I connected the same as I do with her. The problem is she has a huge self confidence issue. She's very pretty and intelligent, but she thinks i'm to good for her. Apparently she was a real ***** in the past to a her family,friends, herself, and she had a couple of very bad boyfriends. She was really depressed and drank alot and even cut her wrist. But she stopped after about a year before we started going out. I feel like i'm losing her becasue she won't listen to me when I tell her she is good enough, and that we can work thorugh it just give us a chance. But,it's like talking to a wall, and i've said everything I could think of to convince her. She thinks I treat her too well, and I'm to "pure" for her. What should I do?????? Treat her badly????? I feel if I fail she'll go into a deep depression, and not come back.

2007-10-14 18:37:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

15 answers

no truly thats drama. seen it once twince and never want to a third. she doesnt want to really do bad things to her self or she would have succeded the first time. I know it sounds harsh but its true. She wants to be treated badly in all ways so she can feel sad for herself. Trust me you need to know when to keepem to foldem to walk away and RUN. I didnt run the first time and it made me look like a fool. Save yourself from the same troubles ive had and RUN like hell.

2007-10-14 18:44:09 · answer #1 · answered by alxzanderb 1 · 1 1

You're boring her. She's addicted to adrenalin, and she hasn't been getting any.

You don't need to abuse her, but you *do* need to keep things interesting. The nature of excitement is that things have to get more and more exciting in order to keep her revved up, and at some point, you're not going to be able to keep up with her.

That's the reason she's been a ***** to family and friends; it's exciting. And bad boyfriends are exciting, too.

The movie "Something Wild" with Jeff Daniels and Melanie Griffith is about a girl like that. And I've had a couple of girlfriends that were similar. I don't think there's an answer for her, which means there isn't an answer for you.

Sorry. Enjoy it while it lasts, but protect yourself because it won't last forever.

2007-10-14 18:51:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

How strong are you? Because if you insist on pursuing this relationship, you are going to have to carry her all the way. She can't even accept your compliments now, so how much dead weight will she be in the future?

My friend married a gal like this and they've been together for 16 years. BUT...each year has dragged him further into a pit. She has slowly deteriorated to the point where she won't leave the house or do anything social because she feels so inferior. Therefore, she doesn't work because she can't face the public. It's an ugly mental illness.

Bail out if you can.

EDIT: dagonet, what she's doing is turning you into what is called a "co-dependent". She has a problem, and now so do you...her. You are going to constantly beat yourself up trying to make her feel good about herself, and the more you do it, the more she'll feed off your attention and the more she'll tell you how unworthy she is. Circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, circle....

2007-10-14 18:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by equal_opposites 5 · 0 1

There's no quick fix for this and if you are truly dealing with self esteem issues you are doomed unless you have a degree in philology.. Sad but true this is a commend problems with a countless numbers of teens today and because it is so common place parents typically see it as as a phase in their teens life. But, the reality of it is that the suicide rate of teens today has doubled in the last 3 years. I think it's commendable that you at such a young age recognize she has issues and that you are trying to help. NO do not treat her badly but do encourage her to talk to someone (ex. School counselor etc...) In the end you get to be the hero and help her as well. Good luck.

2007-10-14 18:51:34 · answer #4 · answered by deniseandreu 3 · 1 0

How about u refer her to a therapist or if u dont want her to feel bad. Attend couples therapy. She has to deal with her issues. U cant fix her self esteem, only she can. She needs serious help and she needs to drop her emotional baggage before she enters another serious relationship. When she gets her help, and changes u two should be together. Until then therapy is necessary n if she refuses then leave her til she does. U dont need a basketcase on ur hands. Trust me, been ther done that. All he did was worry me sick, and annoy the hell outta me,and we spent more time crying and arguing than we did actually dating. Dont do what I did. Eventually I left him and life has been peachy. Guess what? he said hed kill himself if i left so i stayed for a while. Now im gone and ol boy is still alive n well. Don't waste ur time if she refuses therapy n doesnt take time off to restore herself.

2007-10-14 18:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

I think you should handle this more casually without implying that you are trying to make a change. Ppl are insecure of change and tend to sink in negative emotions easily. Say, you pretend like nothing happened, take her to places and do activities with her that prove to herself that she's good, even better than you or the rest of the crowd. Concentrate on doing fun things together and be active in the relationship leaving her with no time to even think anything negative. Overtime she will forget the past, become normal and hope things work out for you two. All the best.

2007-10-14 18:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by Poornima R 1 · 0 2

There may be an underlying problem involving trauma, that she's having trouble dealing with. Pretty, intelligent girls, that use to be a *****, don't make that life swap, for no reason at all. Something caused this change, enough to cause her normal, "stuck up and I'm worth it", self confidence, to do the "ugly duckling that everybody picked on in school", person. She might need help, without pressure.

2007-10-14 18:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 2

3 words: do no longer. Do. It. He has already lied to you approximately breaking apart together with his gf, what makes you think of he won't lie approximately different issues. in case you may desire to tension him to make a determination between the two certainly one of you, then he's not well worth it. This guy looks like he likes drama and is stringing you alongside. Be the bigger one and walk away. there are a number of fish interior the sea, who will handle you l

2016-10-06 23:11:14 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

it sounds like you are trying to hard, this girl has serious problems. after all that conviencing it hasnt gotten anywhere.she needs to seek a proffesional. seriously! because you cant break your neck living life trying to convience her. if it doesnt work out for the better you might need to just find someone else. i could stay in a relationship like that trying to continuously tell him he is good enough blah blah blah that would get tiring..so talk to her about it and let her know how you feel and come to a conclusion. tell her, why does she think you are too good to her? ask her do you want me to treat you badly then? i say DONT treat her bad just dont treat her as great as you do then..just do it mild inbetween..just be regular and laid back..dont be too nice like you usually do and see what happends..i dont know follow your heart sweetheart. good luck

2007-10-14 18:42:35 · answer #9 · answered by Fit 4 A King 4 · 1 1

You've hit the jackpot with this one mate.
You've struck a physco so watch your back.
Its only going to end in a disaster so say you've had enough and forget her.

She obviously suffers from depression which is a mental illness that needs constant treatment. Without this she'll only get worse.

2007-10-14 18:44:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

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