Question for step children. What is it honestly about your step mother that makes you hate her?

Question

or dislike her so much. If she is nice to you, buys you things, listens to things you tell her about your life and is interested in you and wants good things for you always.....what is it that makes you hate her still. I honestly need to understand this....is there anything she could do short of leaving your father that would make you happy?

Answer 1

People (in general) who do not live in the truth do not have healthy relationships with anyone period. It has nothing to do with step, inlaw, bio, gender, foster, ex, etc. Everyone is an individual first....keep that in mind. If you are considering divorce, or considering apologizing to anyone for your marital status due to keeping sons and daughters "happy" then THINK before you leap. Have some respect for your marriage and vows which do not include every tom, dick, and harry on the planet. Say what needs to be said and if nobody's listening who cares. If a person is unhappy they cannot blame-shift it off onto another who should not take the blame either. They may feel someone's marital status or this and that can cover it up but it doesn't. If they want to waste their life that is their FAULT. Some people will do anything to get negative attention. That is why people join cults also and allow others to control them - the controlling get controlled.

I do not intrude on other people's marital status and will not allow the insecurities of others to dictate mine. Usually ANYONE who is full of dishonest belief and their words manipulative and dishonest to you you will find them being that way to everyone...their funeral. I've seen it and it has everything to do with historical negative choice that didn't start with my marriage or my coming into this world. If people enjoy starting chaos than that is what they enjoy - accept that they may always be this way but don't let it bother U & dictate your life.

Altho there are many people that do assume a position of using others instead of dealing with their own relationship or personal issues that isn't realistic or positive... they live in a fantasy world and surround themselves with drama assumers. They may have serious personal problems, habits of blame-shifting and being manipulative, possibly belief that fools them into thinking they can blame and have place to control using someone's marital status, title, or existance as an excuse, possibly total assumption, possibly avoiding truth, possibly living in past that never existed or stuck on behavior from their past that doesn't work so living in denial,...aka choas which is never limited to family. My step-son wrote his father a letter that said God told him to treat his father like dirt in a nutshell and speaks of his pastor like a cult leader...they are both using each other. It is not their titles in my eyes that bring out they're behavior or my actions it's their choices in what they do so no secret. Do not live in guilt for subjects that do not exist such as people calling married people divorced - only one example. I've seen it and it's limited to no single title or subject. The act of manipulation is a choice that many have used for endless reasons including $...many times it's habitually obsessive.

If a person is manipulative, controlling, jealous, insecure, dishonest etc they are doing so to others as well because that is how they behave towards *people in general* by choice. If someone demands to buy into it they are doing the same. It has nothing to do with the subject of marital status or blood relation it's choice - bad choice = people get sick of it and there is no such thing as circumstances written in stone by others either...who cares. So what if they choose to treat everyone like that and they don't listen to their parents, maybe one of their parents ignored or possibly encouraged illusions or a host of people ...doesn't matter, if done they are responsible for their actions towards and in front of others ...we all are. Some people buy into excuses and others don't. A person with this nature whether directly involved or enabling usually is an isolationalist and so their spirit and chosen actions really dictate to others what their choices in behavior are. You will find them also topping a lie off with another unwillingness to be involved in what they see as a thrill. If you don't exist to them or they are trying to make you non-existant that is not REAL it's all in their heads. They are using you more so to as a tool or excuse to stay unhappy with no intentions to stop the chaos. Perhaps they have been taught to do so by people in their lives...that is their problem.

Answer 2

i have a step mom and I love her sooo much but they took a while for me to say. I really hated her before because she always took me shopping, to do my hair, get my nails done, and you know hanging out. I hate all that then because it felt like she was trying to replace my mom. But after half a year of giving attitude, lip, a disrespect I thought, hey this woman is not my mother. She doesn't even know my mom. She's been nothing but nice and I've been nothing but brat. Maybe I should give her a chance. I talked to her about my mother and she said she would never ever replace my mother. You know it all about maturing to figure out that no stepdad or stepmother can replace the real thing. its like sugar the subsitute is all right but the regular is the real deal.

And the only thing to do is to talk to her. And make sure you don't out say you want to start out friends. Start out as people who know each other, them apprentices, them friends, them if you are lucky stepmother and stepdaughters

Answer 3

I am no longer a "Step-child", however, way back in the day when my dad married his second wife, I will thrilled with the fact that I lived with my mother. I was lucky that my dad lived in another state and I did not have to deal with it.
The reason for my dislike was because they had another child, she treated that child special and did not consider that there were other children in my father's life. I went out there to visit one summer and that was the worse summer of my life because of my step mother. If my half-sister wanted something she got it, even if it was my sister's, brother's or my own things. My father did not step up to defend his own children... yes at the time we thought this little brat was his too, but ya know we were his kids and he should have spoken up to defend us on a lot of things.

One thing that I do notice with step-mothers that live with the husbands kids is that the step-mother tries to be the childs mother. The problem with this is that children love their mother unconditionally and do not want another woman acting like she is their mother, because kids have only one mother. Another thing is when step-mother's push her own rules on the step-children when the father's rules use to be so different... I think most step-parents try too hard and not take into consideration that the children do have their natural parents... Yes this may suck for the step-parent. but that is life and is just the way it is and they need to learn to deal with the fact that they married into a package and have to learn to accept that package that is not truley "their" package.

Answer 4

My stepmom doesn't do any of that kind of stuff...she controls EVERY LITTLE BIT OF MY LIFE!!! including my music which i pretty much live for...but if i had a nice stepmom...i would hate her just because i wouldn't be able to imagine my dad with any1 but my mom....and what my stepmom could do is BACK OFF A LITTLE...but those 'nice' stepmoms...they could just get out of kids lives a little..b/c most of the time they dont want them to do stuff like that for them...thats the biological parents job.

Answer 5

Most often it is because they are not YOUR mother. It is not really about hating you it is about being very upset and angry that your parents are not together. Give it time. Also the real Mother may be saying bad things about you.

Answer 6

For heaven sakes, give her a chance. We stepmoms do not take away but add toooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I treat my stepdaughter as if she were my own, no extra privies just b/c, I literally treat her as if she were my own......I never had the chance to have children, I couldn't she is the closest I will ever come. She too, at age 8, doesn't love me back so much, she may never, but perhaps in the future...............

Answer 7

She's abusive, jealous, controlling, and bordering insane. Not all of them are like this of course; some kids are very lucky.

Answer 8

i hate my dads gf cuz she called social workers on my mom cuz she thought if her and my dad got custody of me and my brother that they would get more food stamps and cuz all she dose is lie and is a government whore and when my dad meet her he never came and saw us anymore if she would had been nice and respect full i wouldnt have hated her and i did give my dads gf a chance
hope this helps and God bless

Answer 9

I love my step-mom.