My boyfriend told me last night that in the past, he has felt like he has had a problem with porn and masturbation. Now he is down to about once a week but feels guilty and wants to stop. Also he knows how devastated I was to hear it so he wants to stop for me too. He destroyed all of his porn so I know he's serious about quitting. It would have been easy for him to lie to me because we don't live together and I had no idea. He just felt the need to be honest with me. My problem is it does bother me but I do love him. Also, I am a virgin and am waiting til I'm married so I can't relate at all. (By the way, he totally respects my decision.) I almost feel as though God sent him to me to help him through this so I don't want to abandon him. He's so wonderful in every other way. What should I do?
2007-10-14 14:57:56 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I think a great foundation for any relationship is honesty, so good for the both of you! Only you can decide what you really want to do, but I would try to help him since he seems to want the help and seems to be serious about quitting. Even if some people think there's nothing wrong with porn, the fact that he feels like it's a problem means that it is for him. You may both want to speak to your pastor, I don't think this is a discussion to have with your parents, though. If your pastor isn't able to help with counseling for an addiction, he/she should be able to help you find someone who is.
Maybe God did send you to each other, it sounds like you have a good start anyway. Tell him this worries you but that you love him and want to help him see this through. Keep being honest with each other and leaning on each other in times of trouble; that's my understanding of what mature relationships are all about!
2007-10-14 15:16:20 · answer #1 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are confusing some things...
There are some physical things that are different between a girl and a guy. Men and boys build up juice. This can create desire that is not good or bad... Isn't it interesting that the Bible talks about lust but not masturbation as such.
Controlled virtual sex is not the same as real sex...
First of all no one gets pregnant. There is no VD. The emotional attraction is one way not two. The addiction is because of the concepts given to those who believe it is totally evil.
I was separated from my wife whom I am faithful to for several months. She sent me a porn site that was mild but she knew something you don't.
It is safer to get ride of the juice this way then spend too much time around real women who could be loose on morals.
Now my first marriage we both waited and of course I was frustrated by the same concepts your are struggling for the same reasons.
We married to soon. We were too immature, and we learn so little about sex that for the first 15 years we were pathetic and didn't know it.
It you really want to wait for sex then let him have some more sane counsel on how to handle this drive without driving himself crazy.
My bet is he will give up if following your plan. Either dump you or stop being a Christian because of the confused rules that even those who preach it don't keep...
2007-10-14 22:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that it is awesome to save yourself for marriage rather that will be with your present boyfriend or someone else. I think if you are considering him for marriage and he is you then before either of you go any further go through a few sessions of communication counseling then go from there.
If he is sincere he will stop and sometimes to stop doing soemthing we shouldn't do takes time and isn't an imediate thing. So just continue to pray about it and talk to your pastor or someone that knows you both that can talk to you obectively, openly, honestly and in a non bias sitting. Asking on here is not the best idea but I do understand.
Good luck and God bless you!
2007-10-14 22:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Weird question. Well, firstly understand that this act is much tougher on a guy then it is a women. We tend to produce semen in a constant way in which, yes, it will find it's way out in one way or another.
Secondly, there are worse things in life then killing 5 minutes doing the act, whether it's a sin or not.
In Buddhism, the reason one is not to masturbate is because one may become a bit obsessed over it. It can be an addiction, nevermind what some sex freaks say (some smokers tell me they aren't addicted whilst smoking in -30 degree weather)
2007-10-14 22:03:35 · answer #4 · answered by Corvus 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The best advice I can give the two of you is to go to pre-marital counseling with your pastor or someone else in the church who is designated and experienced for this. This issue needs to be brought out during the counseling- you don't want to go into a marriage with any doubts, worries, wonders or any uncleared air about your spouse. I think EVERY engaged couple needs premarital counseling, especially Christians who want to have a God-centered marriage. If it is His will for the two of you to be married, then He will iron out all of the kinks! God bless...
2007-10-14 22:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by blessed1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
continue to encourage him gently. these things take time to change so be patient. encourage him to think about getting into an accountability group with some close male friends, or just to spend time doing other things, like sport or fishing or music or whatever he likes doing. encourage him to get involved in positive activities and cook him some home-made snacks - he will love it. just keep being kind and understanding.
final word, if you are thinking of getting married, you really need to estabilish whether this is going to be an ongoing problem. it's great that he wants to stop, but it takes time so you will want to keep an eye on things to see what the long term trend is going to be.
all the best!
2007-10-14 22:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by Gruntled Employee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pornography taints the mind, and makes it hard for a man to appreciate a real woman. He will never treat you properly while he has this addiction. I would definitely give it some time to determine if he is truly free of this addiction. I had a very good friend whose husband was addicted to pornography, and it destroyed their relationship and her self-esteem. Do not let this happen to you.
You need to ask some serious questions about this relationship.
Is he getting counseling for his problem? Maybe seeing a priest or clergy about it?
Has he rid himself of all means of getting pornography?
How do you know he's really trying to break his addiction or is he just giving you lame excuses?
Why did he get addicted to pornography in the first place? What drives him to de-personalize women in such a degrading way? How does he really view women?
2007-10-14 22:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by Robin Runesinger 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that the best thing for him would be to have council from another man in the church. It is important for him to feel like there is someone that completely understands his feelings like only another man can. And maybe you should seek council from another fellow christian woman. He can talk to his pastor or a deacon or an elder (not sure of your denomination). It's important to lean on our brothers and sisters inchrist when we struggle throiugh our sin, and yes we ALL struggle because we are human. Humans are born with a sinful nature and through our walk with christ we strive to be christ-like. But what some tend to forget is that we are NOT christ and we all stumble and fall. But we are to get up dust ourselves off. Admit we have fallen down and do our best to not "fall" in that same hole again.
2007-10-14 22:11:54 · answer #8 · answered by c_l_m_21 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep praying for him dear!! You should also be commended for remaining a virgin until marriage!!! That is AWESOME!!! ( :
It sounds like he really does want to stop his addiction, and that is what it is....an addiction! But....it is also considered a choice for him to look at and be involved with such things! The devil has definately got a hold on him!! It sounds to me like he needs stay in prayer along with you, and just form a more personal relationship with God..if he doesn't have one with God already. I will keep you in my prayers as well that your BF can get past all this and get this out of his system!!
God bless!! ( :
2007-10-14 23:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by Linda M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as a perfect man, here on earth, so if you really care for one another than first keep it all honest and work with one another till both of you feel comfortable living with each other and working on building the closest thing to a perfect relationship: Love/Trust/Honor/Charity for each other. Good luck in to both of you.
2007-10-14 22:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by S.O.S. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋