When I was young I grew up to have a father who's inhuman to my mother, my sister and to me. In my case, Ive lost count the beatings I had come across. The memory is still fresh on my mind how he kicked me while I was watching tv on the middle of night, he got mad because he was awaken by the sound. He bumped my head unto the wall. Not only for these instances that he would physically hurt me, actually there's alot. Like, one rule in our house: "go home before 6 pm", I went home like 7pm, as soon as I entered the gate he slap my head using his sleeper. I could list down the number of beatings I had. Now, Im 23 but I am not yet ready to open up myself for him. My heart is filled with so much silent anger to what I have experienced. My mom, my sister, my friends and our relatives advised me to forgive my father, God knows I have tried my best to get close to him, talk to him but I just cant.
2007-10-14 13:59:09 · 13 answers · asked by Scarlet 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have tried to talk to him about his attitude but he got mad, starts whining, and his palm were ready to give me a slap again, luckily he didnt maybe because he saw my eyes that doesnt look scared anymore. Sometimes, I wonder why he is like that and yet my mother can stand him. We still live with him. He is not just a brutal father by his beating but with his words too. He used to swore. Everytime he's around I avoid him, I dont talk to him except asking question or answering his questions. My sister and mother have forgiven him already. I know I should, I would, but I cant.
2007-10-14 14:06:14 · update #1
He no longer beat me, but his words when he is mad is hurtful. What I am going to do with this? Do I need a professional help to make me realize its time to forgive him?
2007-10-14 14:07:47 · update #2
Thanks for your time.
2007-10-14 14:08:12 · update #3
I am truely sorry for what you have been through but what makes you think you "NEED" to forgive him - ( besides Catholic or Christian (?) faith says it's what good people do ? ) There is no time limit on feelings and you have the option of having what ever feelings you choose ! You should look at it this way for just a little while.........1. He did not foregive you when you did something to displease him. 2. He was not a good role modle for his kids so he did not teach you to forgive.3.You have had a lot taken away from you for a very long time,so why shouldnt you have your feelings ? 4. the scars (phisical and emotional ) will last a long time you will change the way you feel when you feel you can - not when you should.
I think you are wounded inside - maybe hurt would sound better but you have basicaly lived in a war zone most or all your life......That is gonna leave a mark.....What you need is some counseling , so you can make the desisions that YOU feel you need to not what others think is best for you or for him. That silent anger will hurt you or someone you love one day and you don't need to be like him or go the other way and be a door mat.
Counseling is not for "crazy" people ---I is talking with a trained person who will have no interest in anyones opinion but yours that will give you the tools to figure out what you feel is best for you.Yes,it is orcan be expensive - however there are a number of places you can go for a reasonable amount. There in the phone book under counseling or thearapy.....or you can ask the doctor or a pastor or priest.....Statistics show 4out of 5 people will have atleast one situation in there lifetimes that they could have or should have had counseling....and hey, after that you still got the tools !!!! :)
You could use a good long chat with someone who is not judgmental and a break from all this anger in your heart that you don't know how to get rid of. Your only 23, life is hard enough as it is - You should not need to worry about all this, you have enough on your plate and you still should be having some fun ! So please give it a try...I hope I have helped some.
I wish you love luck and happieness ( lots of it ! )
take care.
P.S. my spell check is down again - please excuse my spelling, I am a dyslexic.
2007-10-14 14:49:58 · answer #1 · answered by Liz H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your past. I would not be able to forgive my father. Does he seem as though he is sorry for what he did? If he does, then maybe he deserves a chance. No one can tell you whether or not you should forgive him. Only you would know if you should or even could, in your heart. Maybe some counseling will help if you do want to forgive him but cant. I hope things work out for you.
2007-10-14 14:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by emotional_dreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't possibly have a relationship with him until you've released all your anger and feelings. tell him you need to get this all off his chest and if he has to sit there and listen to you yell, scream, cry, whatever.. he needs to do it. because he caused your family a lot of pain and unless and until hes ready for you to have closure, he cant possibly start to build a relationship with you. You may also want to think about counselling. the truth is if you keep this anger in your heart you may never be able to have a real relationship with your father, also you may not WANT one when all is said and done. you have to decide wether you're ready to forgive, but not forget. i'd sit him down and make him listen to every horrible thing u have to say and in the end, get some counselling and if he isnt ready to put in the effort, you dont need to have a relationship with him.
2007-10-14 14:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by colostomy_punch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First the words of Jesus by no potential contradict what the Bible says. Secondly if a Christian is in pay attention figuring out who will circulate to heaven or hell then he's rather committing idoltary because of the fact he's removing God from his throne. i think of you have a stable element approximately them no longer "believing." i visit could think of approximately that some greater. whilst Jesus asked the daddy to forgive those human beings, did the daddy furnish those human beings get right of entry to to heaven whilst they died in keeping with this request? Or became into it a desperate plea on behalf of the individuals for God to no longer strike them ineffective for what they have been doing? Or did God forgive them of that act because of the fact Jesus found out they did no longer be attentive to the quantity of his character, yet they might have sinned later and not became to Christ and subsequently weren't forgiven for those sins? And do you already know in case you admit that Jesus suggested this, you admit that Jesus knew that he became into some thing better than basically an oridnary guy.
2016-10-09 05:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can forgive him with God's help. Try to remember that God has forgiven people who have hurt him a lot more than this. ALso you have to realize that if your father is this way, he was probably abused when he was growing up too, and maybe he has never learned to control his anger. You don't have to enjoy being around him to forgive him, in fact you probably should stay clear of him if he has not changed.
2007-10-14 14:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Forgiving your father isnt something that you can just "do".
You need to decide that you want to forgive him, and then you need to wait until it happens. You cannot control when it happens, so you just have to wait. Forgiving your dad is an emotional issue, much like the affection you might have for another person. You cant just decide to like or dislike someone, those feelings come from within. If you have decided that you want to forgive your father then it will happen in its own time.
2007-10-14 14:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by Andrew 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how to forgive mine either. I'm still young, but when i was a little kid, my dad emotionally and verbally was abusive to me. I think that he did hit my brother a couple times but im not sure. i understand completely. it just takes time. your family cant rush you into a relationship so to speak without you being ready for it. i cant forgive him atleast not yet. i can't imagine being physically abused so i probably wouldnt be able to forgive. but you sound like you've tried so just give it time. time can't heal everything but it can help out a lot.
2007-10-14 14:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by HcBasketball#15 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to forgive him? Look, if someone, especially a relative treats you badly, you don't have to forgive them just because they are related. I know many people that have nothing to do with one parent or the other for similar reasons. You do what is right for you....if you aren't ready to forget or forgive his lousy parenting then know one can tell you anything different.
2007-10-14 14:21:56 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling. You yourself have to find it in your heart to forgive him and it won't be easy, you have to find a reason to forgive, what you say he did will never leave you memory.
Good luck, go talk to some one, your church pastor, minister etc.
2007-10-14 14:06:17 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. Angel.. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im kinda goin wat u r goin thru but less worse and somehow i dont think you can forgive violence-- i hate me dad alot of times -- and i dont know if i should forgive him either -- im only 13 too-- email me @ leela_housemd@yahoo.com, -- i dont no what to do either i mean it doesnt happn to me all the time like its rare but when the time comes its hard and my mom slaps me 2 so i dont just get hit by my dad
2007-10-14 14:04:32 · answer #10 · answered by house_md 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋