Its just not right for me to be like this!?

Question

I'm 13, in 8th grade, but i have been feeling really crummy lately.8th grade is harsh and many people call me ugly and whisper about me(though they were my friends in years before)So i have lost all my friends and made 2.My parents have turned so mean, well meaner then usually, and they make me feel ugly.They treat me like i should be perfect but i do my own laundry now, I still take care of my pets, i do any chore they tell me too do, but they yell at me and the counslor at my school says I'm stressed but I'm not sure.i have been feeling like giving up many time and i need to know whats happening.

Answer 1

Hi Lizzy, that sounds tough and i am so sorry that people call you ugly and whisper about you. Being in 8th grade is a difficult time and I am glad that I don't have to be in your grade. I remember it well.

You are going through changes and so are your friends. When my sons started middle school I gave them some insight that I hope will help you. At your age and grade people will start changing and friends will change. Right now is a good time to start thinking about who you are and who you want to be. Some people will realize that it is yourself who you need to discover first, rather than you trying to please others. If you get caught up in the circle then you will be unhappy and never measure up. At this age, too, people will start making poor decisions. Some earlier and a lot later. Right now, people start experimenting with drugs and alcohol, getting into trouble, and you will start hearing about suicide, and maybe even pregnancy. Yes, it can happen at this age. So, be careful of who your friends are don't be too hurt for when some friends fall away. Care for them, but take care of yourself. Middle school is a tough place to be so realize that you will get through it, and it is up to you to decide each day how you will respond to the things that come up. Be good to yourself. Don't worry about tomorrow because you have no control at that. But, you do have control over what you do and how you respond today.

I do not believe you are ugly so don't you ever believe that either. Be the best you that you can be as you are the one who has the gift of your physical body, and the gift of heart. Continue to take care of yourself physically and take care of your heart and mind. You will blossom into a beautiful person by taking care of yourself in this way. Just you wait and see. Don't use the "popular people" or actors or models lie to you about what is beautiful. That is a lie that too many people believe and buy into. Be the most beautiful person you are. Start with your heart and take care of your health.

Your parents may or may not have had an 8th grader before. I don't know. But, if this is the case then consider that you growing up is new to them. They are having a difficult time because you are not a little child anymore. In times past they could control you and get you to do things just because they told you so. As parents, we do that. What was difficult for me was to understand that my sons had minds of their own, and that my way was the only way. At the same time, I knew that I needed to give them more freedom but I didn't know how. Please be a little forgiving of your parents, and remember that they are doing the best that they can.

In the meantime, consider making an appointment with your parents. Let them know that you want to talk to them and ask them when it would be a good time to do this. Maybe, plan a special dinner or something. When all of you have a chance to talk together with no distractions, then tell them that you love them and thank them for being the best parents that they can be. Tell them that you are so proud of them. Then, begin by telling them that you are asking for more responsibility. This might get a small laugh, but smile and inform them that you are not asking for more chores or stuff like that, but let them know that you want to start making more decisions for yourself, but also ask them to be there when you need advice. Assure them that you know that you are still very young and you have a lot to learn. So ask them to teach you, but let you try first so that you can learn some things on your own. Ask them to love you even if you make a mistake so that you will feel comfortable to come to them when you do make a mistake. Ask them to explain to you any fears that they may have. Believe that their fears are true and don't get defensive. It is tough being a parent. Let them know that you will do the best that you can and again ask them to love you even when you do make a mistake. It is always better to talk about the mistakes and accomplishments and make those become moments to grow. You are a good person and a good person will still make mistakes. Remind them of this.

Please don't give up. I can feel the hurt in your words and you have to trust me that things will get better. Continue to develop your new relationship with your parents, continue to discover who you are, be at peace with the things you cannot change, take care of your heart and your mind, and take care of yourself physically. You are a flower in bloom and you are a unique flower. So, grow yourself with some tender gardening and over time you will have joy. Be at peace.

Answer 2

Sweetie, high school and hormones are a horrible mix that most teenagers struggle through. Hold on to the two friends that you do have and spend time with them being a kid and having fun. Listen to what your parents tell you to do, and just do what your supposed to do. Ignore the immature people that talk about you behind your back. As you get older, you will realize that people talk bad about other people because they, themselves, have low self esteem and they are trying to make themselves feel better. Keep your chin up! Smile, and just know high school will be over soon!!

Answer 3

Welcome to being a teenager! Im not trying to make that sound mean but really this is the turning point in your life where it just seems like everything is going wrong!

The people who call you names and say things about you are insecure themselves and find making fun of other people makes them look cooler and makes them feel better about themselves, and those who were your friends and did that to you are obviously not your friends! Peer pressure is very hard to deal with, but always remember...People will always say things about us! So just ignore them, be yourself and love yourself for who you are, never try and change for them!

Parent's are going through this with you (oddly) and they are having to cope with you becoming a teen now and they are stressed. Perhaps they are being a little extreme, but they do love you and are trying to protect you from very much, but maybe try sitting down with them and speaking like adults (no screaming or yelling - just trying to discuss the issues and make a resolution).

Stress is very predominant in teens because of the experiences they go through. If you ever feel like you don't know what to do, don't be afriad to ask for help, or to talk to someone at your school or your doctor about it. Don't hide things because it really doesn't help!

Stay positive and know that things DO get better as you get older!

Answer 4

gee hon, it seems like you are trying to struggle though a rough patch in life.

i'm sorry you are having these issues.

maybe your counselor can schedule a meeting with you and one or both of your parents? i dont know if they do this sort of thing, but maybe it would help

as for "friends", well, teenagers can be harsh and cruel. it's some sort of weird competition out there when we are in junior high school, and also in high school.

maybe do some NICE things for yourself -- get a new hair trim, do your nails, take a bubble bath, get some new lotion. maybe pampering yourself will help, even a little. sending hugs.