I don't want my father to walk me down the aisle...?

Question

Recently my fiance and I got engaged and he didn't ask my father's permission because he knows how I feel about my father and didn't feel it was necessary. I have never been close with my father and he has always been into alcohol and drugs and that is part of the reason we are not close. We never have contacted either, only on special occasions, ie Christmas, father's day etc. Well ever since we got engaged he feels he has to be a part of my life but I don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I think he realized that I'm growing up and don't need him anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I REALLY don't want him to walk me down the aisle. What is the best way to tell him?

Answer 1

Aw, thats sad. Just tell him your not doing the traditonal wedding where he walks you down the aisle and that you and fiance want to do your own style. JUST LET HIM KNOW that you still want him to be at your wedding

Answer 2

You dont need to tell him. It is not uncommon for brides these days to walk by themselves or with there mothers. Do what is best for you. You owe no explanation to anyone. You can mention it in passing if you want like just bring up this is how you are going to do the entrance and go through the whole thing with him but dont specifically point out that you dont want him to walk you down the aisle. Also make sure this is how you feel in your heart. Many brides make a decision based on there current relationship with there parents and that can change. You wouldnt want to look back and regret this so just make sure even if you are on good terms with your father later on this isnt a decision that will haunt you. Take into consideration what type of father he was growing up not just your relationship today. Good luck!

Answer 3

I don't think you should tell him that you don't want him to walk you down the aisle. Just don't ask him to walk you down the aisle. You and your fiance can handle your ceremony however you would like, and that includes having as many or as little people as you want in your wedding party. Many many weddings do not have the traditional bridal members. The thing to remember is you do whatever makes you happy on your special day. Your concern for his feelings tells me all I need to know about you...you are kind and caring. This is your day, and your father will have to simply accept whatever kind of ceremony you and your fiance decide to have. It would be an honor for him to simply be invited to your wedding at all . Maybe in time, you and your father's relationship will improve. I hope you have a beautiful wedding!!! Congrats to you both.

Answer 4

I went through the exact same situation just this past summer. My father left my mother 8 years ago and we have had minimal contact since then. Growing up...his drug of choice was verbal and emotional abuse to myself and my two sisters. Basically... we have grown apart and we are like acquaintances more than anything.

Since we speak little anyway, I opted not to mention my intentions to him (full knowing he would manipulate me and attempt to guilt me into having him walk me down the aisle) and sent he and his new wife an invitation to the wedding. He obviously told me how upset he was... but it was what I felt I had to do. For once in my life, this decision was one for myself.

My father told me he wished I hadn't bothered inviting him at all so he didn't have to say no. But just 1 week before the wedding, he emailed me to say he would be there after all. Understand that odds are, he will be hurt. But I believe this is an honor and a privilege to walk a daughter down the aisle... not an expectation or a requirement. Do what is right for you, and in the end, it will all work out for the best! Congratulations... and keep your chin up. It's all worth it!

Answer 5

Congratulations on the wedding! Just because its traditionally a bride's father and walks her down the aisle, doesn't mean your wedding has to be this way. If your dad asks you about it, just explain to him the reasons for you not wanting him involved in the wedding.
Have a male figure thats always been close to you to walk to you down. Like a best male friend, a brother, or you could even do something cool like have one of the best men to walk you down...

Answer 6

I love my father and get along with him very well, but I don't intend to have him walk me down the aisle--I find the concept offensive. He's not "giving me away"--it's 2007, I'm a self-sufficient adult, AND my future husband isn't going to "own" me after we get married.

If you don't want to hurt your father's feelings, it's not at all unusual for women to have an ideological objection to some of the standard wedding traditions--particularly this one. Your dad might feel slighted if someone else walks you down the aisle (as others are suggesting)--and it's just not necessary. Go ahead and do it, if there is someone in your life (male OR female) that you'd like to acknowledge as having played a special role in your life, but don't feel obligated to have anyone "give you away."

Answer 7

I think it's good that he's wanting to be a part of your life, but that doesn't mean that he has to walk you down the aisle. Just explain to him that you don't want him to walk you. I think it's a good idea to try to work things out with him because family is important, but it's your day, do what you feel is best. If you don't want to walk down alone, have you mom walk you or even your future father in law. Pick someone who is special to you or go the independent route and walk alone.

Answer 8

Believe it or not, you are not alone on this. This will be do it your self walking! My couples have the bride walk down to the altar half way, the groom meets her there, offers her his arm, take her the rest of the way. Another bride had a great idea that worked very well. Groom and groomsmen all were at the altar, when the bridesmaid or maid of honor started their way down, the men started their way towards the gals. This set up the bride and grooms entrance. It was wonderful, with no hurt feelings. You have to be truthful, let your dad right way, know you are DOING things a bit different, and you hope he will enjoy it! He should have no real expetaions of walking with you with your history. Easy and breezy! Best wishes, Chaplain Debby

Answer 9

Tell him that you are not doing everything in a traditional manner and that you have decided to ........ Just let him know what you have decided without feeling obligated to give and excuse or justification. It is your wedding. If he asks you why he can't walk you down the aisle, tell him that you want to do things differently. You don't have to dredge up the past, just stick to your guns.

I would suggest bride and groom walk down the aisle together.

Answer 10

There is only one way. You must sit him down face to face and tell him just what you have told us. Tell him that you do not feel close to him and since you have not had him involved in your life you do not need to have him come now to make a big public show. Tell him honestly how you feel about it and tell him that you do not want to have him walk you down the aisle.

Now you must be certain that you mean what you say because choosing someone else, or no one, while he is alive is a really big slap in the face. I am not saying you do not have valid reasons but you need to be aware of what a big deal this is and just what kind of public statement sucn an exclusion represents. If you can take the heat, go ahead and keep him out of your kitchen.