I have been dining out with my boyfriend for a while now and every time the waiter comes around my boyfriend insists that he orders my meal for me. He has said that it is the proper etiquette however I am not always comfortable with it.
What is the proper etiquette when dining in high end establishments.
2007-10-14 13:03:33 · 22 answers · asked by Teeeny 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
thank you so much all the replies.... just to clarify a little. He does ask me what I what first then he wants to be the one who actually orders it from the waiter....
2007-10-15 02:03:40 · update #1
I am a man and think that sometimes the woman should insist on paying. Sure it seems nice when a man buys dinner but it seems nicer when the woman does it.
2007-10-14 13:07:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
If it were the proper etiquette then the waiters in really high class restaurants would never ask a woman what she wanted in the first place! He does get to chose the wine,although it is polite if he refers his choice to you before actually ordering, the same applies to choice of venue and if he invited you then he gets to pay and leave the tip. The whole point of dining out together is that your boyfriend gets to show you how considerate and companionable he can be, not so that he can decide what you may and may not eat.
If you don't want to get into a debate about it then the next time you dine out,wait until he has ordered and then say to the waiter that you have changed your mind and would prefer .. whatever instead.Even if you have already told your boyfriend what you want you are allowed to change your mind. Do this often enough and he should get the message.
2007-10-14 13:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by selina.evans 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one of those little ironies about etiquette that I find amusing. We make etiquette rules specifically because we all feel more comfortable when people are using good manners, however, in this case, even though your boyfriend is using the "proper" etiquette, he is making you uncomfortable, and because you are uncomfortable, he shouldn't be doing it.
In the past it was customary for the gentleman to repeat a lady's order to the waiter so she wouldn't have to be bothered with talking to "the help" or appearing to be bossy, which of course would be unladylike. These days this idea is completely outdated and would only be used in the most formal circumstances, and then, only, if everyone was ok with the arrangement.
Tell your boyfriend that it makes you uncomfortable for him to order for you. If he still "insists" on doing so, you need to find a new boyfriend...that is a signal that he doesn't respect you.
2007-10-14 19:33:57 · answer #3 · answered by missbeans 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one rule which is completely dated....as if the woman can't make her own decision, or doesn't have a preference.
A more appropriate and modern rule would be for a man to offer to pay if he invited the woman on the date, or if the woman invited the man, then he can offer to split the bill.
The proper etiquette when it comes to ordering a meal is to allow the woman to order first, but not to order for her. Perhaps this rule would have been applicable 50 years ago, when women were expected to remain in the private-sphere.
2007-10-14 13:12:04 · answer #4 · answered by Heart of Fire 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This was common etiquette over fifty years ago. Now, however, it is rare to find a gentleman who desires to place the order for his date ... and even rarer to find the date that wishes the gentleman to place the order for her.
While some practices have remained, such as the man opening doors for a woman, this is one that is passe. If you are not comfortable with it, tell your boyfriend this. In the high end restaurants that I have dined at, I have never had my husband order for me, nor seen any other men place the order for their female companion.
Good luck.
2007-10-14 13:20:56 · answer #5 · answered by aivilo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, the woman should order first and the man should order after her...but the idea of a man ordering for me is a little primitive, I mean I can't depend on him to get every little detail correct with my order should I? Usually when the waiter comes to take the order he or she will look at the woman first in order to take her order. Great Luck!
2007-10-14 13:12:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you would like to order for yourself. A woman should be able to order for herself. It doesn't matter if the restaurant is low end or high end, or middle of the road.
The proper etiquette is if the man invites the woman, then he pays. And, vice versa.
The man MAY order for his date if she is totally clueless and asks him to order for her.
Wait, I think I'm beginning to understand. You would tell him what you would like for dinner, then he would give the order to the waiter. Is this it? In today's world, that practice is a bit archaic. However, some women like this. Express your feeling with this boyfriend of yours.
2007-10-14 14:22:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lighthouse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is a personal choice. My husband and I started that years ago - just for fun! We moved out East and we decided to try a new restaurant everytime we went out. I asked him to just order me 'something' and I would try it! It was fun! We still do it. On a regular basis, if the waiter goes to my husband first.... he just orders for the two of us. If the waiter comes to me, I may go ahead and order or I'll tell the waiter than my husband will order for me. It has nothing to do with me not being 'capable' or being 'less than' .... It's our 'thing' and we enjoy it. It really doesn't matter to either one of us if anybody likes it or not. People should do what they like to do. It's the little things that make a relationship special - not 'somebody's elses' etiquete'___ After all, who taught 'Miss Manners" her manners? And who taught her her mannners etc. Just don't be offensive to those around you. Go and enjoy life!
2007-10-15 08:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mercedes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In years past when women had no voice, men ordered for them because the belief was that women were incapable of knowing what to order especially in a high end restaurant.
If a guy even attempted to order for me, he'd suddenly discover that he was dining alone.
2007-10-14 13:38:41 · answer #9 · answered by sassi800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is proper etiquette for the man to order in a high end establishment. You should try to learn to like it. He is being very gentlemanly; which is so hard to find anymore. If he is ordering something you don't care for then, let him know that if he wishes to continue to order for you, he needs to let you tell him what you'd like.
2007-10-14 13:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by Parkie21 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend ordering for you as long as it is what you have decided you want. It is a nice gesture and one that has fallen away. Otherwise, the woman orders first. Choose how you wish to deal with the situation. Either is fine.
2007-10-14 14:23:34 · answer #11 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋