My daughter is 11 and wants her ears pierced. I think she's old enough but my ex-husband (her father) would like her to wait until she's 16 or 14 at the earliest. She has every other weekend at his house but lives with me the rest of the time. Shall I just get it done? He is Mr Angry and will probably shout lots which is one of the reasons we have split.
2007-10-14 11:08:21 · 39 answers · asked by Tigger B 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have discussed it with the ex but he says we (he) originally said 16 and we should stick to what we say.
My daughter is a really good girl, works hard and has a scholarship.
2007-10-15 07:11:38 · update #1
I think that at 11 she is old enough.
I teach 11-13 year olds and they all have their ears pierced, (half of the boys too!)
The issue here is obviously communication with dad. The best person to tackle this could be your daughter. Help her to prepare her arguments to her dad , if she argues her case maturely on her own with her dad, could she change his mind?
2007-10-14 11:15:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you split the difference with your husbands point of view and tell her she can have them done as a special event when she turns 13 and promise her a nice pair of earrings as part of the deal.
That way it's not quite the 16 your husband wants and not quite now (which your daughter wants) but it's at a special time (ie becoming an official 'teen') which will mean that both daughter and ex have a reasonable reason to concede to it without 'losing face' or getting cross.
2007-10-15 01:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think at 11 she's old enough to be making her own decisions, but wait until summer holidays as schools don't like it when they can't be taken out because of healing time. Why not make the incentive of, if your daughter wants her ears peirced, then let her save her own pocket money to get it done. Then you will know if its a passing phase or if she really wants them done.
At the end of the day, she lives with you full time, if her Dad chooses to spit his dummy out over this, then the worst he can do is refuse to have her on a weekend, which I think is petty anyways. I don't even think he has an issue of he doesn't want her to have them done, its just something he's trying to control.
2007-10-14 21:29:48 · answer #3 · answered by Little Bear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would take her to get them done!
Your daughter is old enough to decide for herself, and maybe you should remind her father that it's only her ears she wants pierced, not her nose, tongue, belly button, which by the time she's 16 she possibly will!
My daughter got her ears pierced when she was 3 and a half, she'd been asking for ages, and I felt well there her ears not mine, her dad wasn't happy either but again, there her ears!
My other daughter got her ears pierced when she was 4, again there her ears, whats the big deal?
Your ex sounds like a control freak, if he has issues with his temper then maybe he shouldn't be around your daughter!
Remember, our role as parents is to teach our kids to be responsible and independent, how can your daughter become independent when she isn't allowed to make decisions about her own body herself?
2007-10-15 21:47:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it is the ear piercing that is the real issue here but the fact that your ex wants to take control! Neither you or your daughter live with him anymore so don't worry about the anger. If you give in to him now it won't be long before he is trying to oppose you and take control on something else. Show him you won't be manipulated and let her have them done - after all once they are done they are done and he can't undo it can he?!! Good luck and stand up to him!!
2007-10-15 22:00:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter had her ears pierced at 6 months. She is now soon to be 12 and just got 2nd holes this summer. Tell dad he is living in the past, and his little girl is growing up. Better you take her somewhere than she lets some one do it with a needle some night at a sleepover!
2007-10-14 11:22:59 · answer #6 · answered by diques1018 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'd get then done anyway, my daughter had her ears pieced at aged three at claires accesories ,, i don't see a problem with it if they wear a small stud ,i think your ex is being harsh and old fashioned , let him shout your her mother and do what you feel is right , you know this i had to wait till i was fifteen because , my mum said she had too , that was twenty years ago ,so when i got my daughters done ,i was scared in case she said something about them , but all she said was well its the done thing .your ex is stuck in the seventies , things are different now good luck anyway xx
2007-10-15 22:00:12 · answer #7 · answered by ♥BEX♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of a wierd question for me because I guess it all depends on the culture. I'm Cuban so we pierce our girls' ears when they're a baby. I've had mine pieced since I can remember.
I just don't get what's the big deal about it.
But given your situation...since she's living with you and you're the primary parent I'd say that it's up to you. And if you're for it than go for it. Why wait till she's 14 or 16? What's the big deal?
2007-10-14 12:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would make the decision, as her full time carer you have the right. Tell him if he's going to shout (like a toddler) do it when your daughter's not there. Buy him a manequin to shout at in his house when no-one's there.
My ex gets annoyed when I make decisions about our daughter and don't even tell him. He wouldn't dare shout at me or question my decision. But that's me.
I would allow her to get this done, she's old enough. He should be old enough not to behave like a thug in front of his child.
2007-10-16 12:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Acai 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree shes old enough..so my suggestion to you is, you talk to your ex again and perhaps explain to him how important it is to a girl to have her ears pierced. its very minor and it just helps also with self esteem (makes you feel older). Suggest to him to allow it, however my next suggestion is to try to come up with a solution that will make everyone happy. Perhaps have it be an award she can have for perhaps getting on honor roll?? Just a suggestion. However if he still continues to say no...say i tried to compromise your being unreasonable...you aren't giving good reason why not and i am giving reason to..i will have it be a reward but she will not be 14 or 16...unless it takes her that long to get honor roll...but i doubt that!!
Try to be reasonable but take control away!
good luck
2007-10-14 11:34:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jewels 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋