My friend wanted to go to Ireland this weekend and I refused so shes laying the guilt trip on me saying that shes disgusted because shes been going through crap lately..etc
Thing is - I have been there for her ..on the phone, in person... and she even thanked me a lot for helping her and listening to her.
So now she turns on me when I refuse to do what she wants?!
*sigh* What shall I do now?
Any help appreciated. Thanks.
2007-10-14 10:37:07 · 15 answers · asked by Autumn 2012 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Well I feel guilty that I have let her down and hurt her.
2007-10-14 10:53:31 · update #1
the only person that makes you feel guilty is yourself,let your instinct through and throw the guilt away...guilt is a self conscious decision,and it's also a bug...don't let it get you!
2007-10-14 10:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by ♥cozicat♥ 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some good answers here.
I think maybe your friend has to learn to grow up and realise there's only so much you can do to support her. It sounds like you've done as much as you are able to do, and it might be time for your friend to make decisions about her own life that don't include you - yet know you will be there for her if she needs to talk about anything. People can become dependant on another a little too much when they've been going through hard times - and i think you've told her where the boundary line is - it's human nature to dislike where ppl close to us draw that line - it's human nature to want to push that boundary line in the direction we want it to go in - it's a learning curve - but once you stand your ground she will get the message and will eventually respect you for it.
You know this is a lifetime problem for some ppl - i have a friend who regularly let me know she was disappointed in me - she felt i was never there for her - i felt i had been there for her as much as i was able - we sorted it out by talking about it - it wasn't easy but it had to be dealt with.
If your friend is a true friend she will understand.
I really do hope you find the support that you need.
2007-10-14 13:23:56 · answer #2 · answered by ;) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear one, I'm sorry that your 'friend' is making it difficult for you to please her. But as far as guilt is concerned, a person cannot make another person feel guilty. That's your 'choice'! If we went around 'accepting' people's insults on us, we'd be 'down' all the time! I choose not to accept insults. The person is the one that comes up with them, so let them keep them. Why should I feel bad just because someone wants me too? Your friend needs to grow up - it is not your job to make her happy. You can share in her happiness, and maybe there will be something that you do to contribute to her happiness,but you are not the one that is 'responsible' to make her/him happy. She needs to realize what a good friend she has in you. It sounds like her focus in just on 'self' and that is very selfish. I'm sure you're a good person and you've done a lot of good things over the years for your friend.
Don't fall into the trap - if you 'refuse it' again and again and again, she'll get the message that the game is over. If she doesn't, simply tell her. Sometimes, selfishness needs to be addressed (in love). Blessings to you.
2007-10-15 14:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mercedes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is taking her 'crap' out on you. I have a friend like this. Just stand your ground and continue to be there for her when you can. Although she might be making a big drama whenever you refuse to do what she wants, it's just a show for attention. Deep down she knows you are a good friend. Don't feel guilty, I bet you are not the only one she takes things out on. It's not easy saying no to these kinds of people, but you are doing well. You just gotta learn to take it all with a pinch of salt. She'll get over it!
2007-10-14 10:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by miss_ruby_topaz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've come to realize that you cannot please everyone all the time. You need to do what is right for yourself. You have been a good friend to her. It is very unfair of her to expect you to be at her beck and call every time she needs something. You have your own life to lead and if she cannot understand that she is not being a very good friend to you. If I were you I wold send her a note explaining how you feel - I think she is more apt to listen to how you feel if she can read it in the note.
2007-10-14 12:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♣♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only if you let people. Your friend apparently wants everyone to concentrate on her needs and her needs only. Not everyone has the time for that. You seem to have done plenty. If you took the guilt ticket everytime you had to turn someone down, you would be consumed.
2007-10-14 11:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People in my life do try to get me to believe that I am guilty of something, but no one can make me feel anything. My daughter tells me I'm a bad mom when she doesn't get her way; my husband tells me I don't support him when he screws something up. But they're both trying to MANIPULATE me so that they won't have to stand up to the fact that they are responsible for their screw-ups, not me. Don't let your friend manipulate you. If she continues on this path,then she's not a true friend. Just because she's going through crap doesn't mean it's your responsibility to always try to cheer her up. Do you not have your own life? Do you not need to take care of yourself?
2007-10-14 17:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by claireag 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The one that should be feeling guilty is the your so called friend. If she were your real friend she would appreciate you for being there instead of berating you for not wanting to do what she wants.
2007-10-14 11:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by LadyP 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have nothing to feel guilty about ...you were there for your friend when she needed you... so you were a good friend...don't allow her to emotionally blackmail you.
Recognise that her behaviour is selfish and do not accept it...if you allow her to do this to you then you can be sure she will continue to treat you like this.
2007-10-14 11:04:25 · answer #9 · answered by caraohara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All the time. Sometimes I deserve it. But clearly from this you don't.
Maybe you should ask yourself whether she is a really good friend or are you better off allowing the relationship to cool?
2007-10-14 10:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋