I have my first day at work 2moro and I am terrified, even to the point that I am thinking of not going?

Question

I have a real problem with socialising. I just find it extremly difficult. I cant talk to people at all and I know I will end up not mixing with all the other new trainees. I have few friends and even fewer good friends. Is it time I get to a psychiatrist or something? I really feel its a major problem for me and has help me back in life. Im 18 and I have never even been out clubbing or out on the town on a friday night :(. I cant even go to friends birthdays or anything like that.

Answer 1

I think it depends upon WHY you feel that way.

I mean, obviously, you can make friends and you were brave enough to go to the interview. Don't worry about mixing with the other trainees. That'll happen with time.

Some people just don't do well in crowds. I don't like them. And I have few friends as well - I can count my friends on one hand.

Just take it one day at a time. You may want to talk to your family practitioner about the issues, and see if they can prescribe anti-anxiety pills or if they recommend a therapist.

The most important thing to do is to NOT let the fear rule your life. If you can overcome it on your own, great. If not, seek help.

But don't lose a potential job over "not fitting in" right away.

Answer 2

You need to...take a deep breath and relax.
Everyone has "first day on the job" jitters!
Everyone who will be in orientation with you will feel the same. Some will cover it up better than others. But they all feel the same!
Join the club!
But, it appears as if you have some social phobia and a counselor or psychologist may help you overcome those fears. If a therapist feels you can benefit from medication therapy they can also recommend a physician or a psychiatrist to prescribe a medication to alleviate some of those symptoms that most likely increase your anxiety.
Here is how the cycle works.......
You feel anxious [ as everyone does]
You get nervous,perhaps.
Start to perspire?
This makes you more nervous and anxious.
Perhaps you stutter when you talk?
This makes you even MORE anxious.
Your insides feel like they are quivering.
This makes you feel like you could jump out of your skin!!
Your hands start to shake?
This is when you feel like running or just leaving.
This is the usual course of anxiety and by talking to someone about it you can develop ways to stop the vicious cycle.
I hope you understand that we all feel this at sometime or other and you are not alone.
You may need a little professional help to stop this before it controls your life!
Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't not go. A job is something you'll always need. If it's a job you love, don't worry so much about making friends there. You'll just have more time to focus on getting work done. You're only 18, it's a good age, starting on your own life. When you have a steady job, you'll have money to take care of bills, needs, wants, etc. People are shy, some people really have a problem w/ it...but I've always found just going into something w/ a purpose (like getting your job done) and not worrying about what people think, helps you establish yourself. Once you're in the swing of things at work, you may chat w/ others, about work or etc. They may even see how good you are and approach you...even if they just need help, lol. Be confident in your job, it helps you gain confidence as a person. You know you can do the job, what else can you accomplish?? Clubbing can be fun, but have fun doing what YOU like. That's how you find real friends, they like you for playing scrabble or magic (or whatever you like to do), and the clubbing can be left to those who want to shake their booty on the dance floor. lol. I know I don't know you, so none of these 'examples' are meant to assume you or what you enjoy as a person...just trying to answer the question.

Answer 4

Firstly, going out clubbing friday nights is merely a past time - like playing football or horse riding. Not everyone goes out on a friday night.

From what you say in your question, you're probably suffering from some kind of social anxiety. I get this myself.

One thing that can contribute to anxiety is distorted ways of thinking and if seeking psychiatric help, you may get what is known as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) where it tackles distorted thinking.

If you'd like a good self-help book, then Dr Burns "10 Days to Great Self-Esteem" is very helpful at tackling distorted thinking.

Now, for your first day at work tomorrow. Remember the following:

1. You had an interview and probably beat other people to the job. They saw qualities in you which they didn't see in all the other candidates. Doesn't that tell you something?
2. No-one is expecting you to be taking your new department out to the pub on the first day. Remember, even the most confident person in the organisation had their "first day" and had to start somewhere. Taking people out to the pub isn't on your job description. I was with my company 12 years and I never took people to the pub!!
3. Remember that tomorrow is a two-way process. You're going to work in a new group of people. This new group of people have a new person coming to join them. You're feeling nervous? So are they.
4. At this stage, your new company needs you more than you need them. You've accepted a job and are scheduled to start tomorrow. If you quit, then they will have to go back to the very begining - and start recruiting again. Do you think they enjoy doing this? (looking through CVs, making time to hold interviews etc). What I'm trying to get at is that they've got additional reason to be gentle with you tomorrow.
5. In every organisation, there is such a variety of characters. You get extroverts and you also get introverts. It may not happen immediately, but you'll meet people who you'll feel comfortable with.
6. You're being paid to do a job. Socialising is an optional extra. In my last company, there were people who were very good at their jobs but invite them to any social function - you'd never see them and you would accept this.
7. Your first day will probably be spent with Human Resources going through some kind of induction programme. A good organisation will make you feel at ease.

Do you need to see a psychologist? Well, if you feel it would help you, then there is no harm in trying. If they can't help you then they will know someone who can.

Best of luck with your new job tomorrow. In 100 days time, you're probably be wondering what all the worry was about.

Answer 5

If it is your first day then I would encourage you to go. Perhaps it is time for you to seek help with engaging with other people. Generally people are not as bad as you seem to think. You obviously have had the interview for your working post and it was OK because the employers accepted you for the post.
Do try to remember that people don't expect you to 'know it all' on the first day. This comes with experience and there will be an experienced person to guide you through the first day or even the first week and explain to you what you need to do.
Seek help is my advice maybe some kind of therepy.
I hope your first day goes well for you, take a deep breath and relax.

Answer 6

One of the worst 'nights before' is that before a new job. But there is only one!

Go tomorrow, don't call out or it will only be worse next time. Just train for the job, everyone else is nervous too. Concentrate on what you are training for. If someone says hi, smile and say hi. It takes time to make friends and aquaintances, it doesn't happen in one day, or even one month. Most people won't be clicking the first day.

Don't talk to the boss about anything socially related, only work issues. They are not there to counsel you on your social feelings.

Answer 7

You can do this. There is nothing wrong with you.You just need to have a little confidence. Let other people start the conversation, you add to the conversation when you have something to say, think before you speak.You are just a nervous person. Calm down , relax,take a deep breath;it isn't that bad , this socializing thing, you'll do fine.If it helps, picture everyone you talk to naked!! That will put a smile on your face,making you look friendly and approachable. Have confidence in yourself.

Answer 8

I too, have problems in groups of new people. One way I get over this is to imagine them (in my mind) as populating a very small town in the Old West. I "size them up" so to speak and then decide if they are say....the Saloon Keeper, the town drunk, the school marm, the gunslinger, etc. You can use any other type of setting as well, imagine them in a movie, who would play what part? Try for the Peanuts characters. Remember this as well, most people LOVE to talk about themselves. Ask ONE good question and get them talking, and then just listen. Question: What Peanuts character would you be, and why? Question: If life were a salad, what part of the salad are you? This takes all the heat off of you, and puts it on them, people love to feel you are interested in them.

Answer 9

Awww, you widdie baby! Don't listen to all the suggestions that you pop a pill every time you get a little stressed. Are you going to spend the rest of your life hiding from minor challenges? I don't see how you'll ever be, do, or have anything if you don't get a "handle" on yourself now. You can't spend the rest of your life living off your parents and hiding under tables.

I promise you that, once you get to work, you will see things differently. I think your lack of self-confidence is making you anti-social and you have to change your behavior to change the situation. There isn't one person you'll be working with who eats an 18-year-old for breakfast every morning.

Answer 10

A good bracing cup of chamomile tea will help take the edge off your anxiety so you can be at your best. If you avoid going to work tomorrow, it'll only be worse when you have to show up Tuesday and everyone asks if you were ill. Buy a pack of chamomile teabags to take with you and have another at lunch and one on your break. It truly helps you be calmer. Make sure you're taking proper vitamins, as well. I'm also much calmer when I have B vitamins in the correct dosage.

I know I'm at my most severely shy when I'm thinking mainly about myself. Sometimes I can hide it and sometimes I can't. To many people, I simply say, "Oh, I'm just kind of quiet" and let it go at that. When I can make myself think of others (thinking of what others are thinking of you does NOT count as thinking of others, by the way) and their comfort and convenience, I am far less likely to be shy or anxious. When you are being quiet and not mixing, be sure you're also smiling -- whether you 'feel like it' or not. It's not hypocritical because it isn't about you. You're not smiling to tell everyone you're happy or to tell them you're confident or any such thing; you're smiling to help put them at ease, to help their day go a little better. It will also help avoid having them think that you aren't mixing because you don't like them. Most people really are thinking of themselves when they meet others.

If you're Christian, do pray about this and ask others to pray for you, too.