What would happen in this scenario if it were real life?

Question

Do you remember that episode of "The Simpsons" where Bart takes a new hobby as being a reverend and then at the football game, Homer is drunk and drives his homemade parade float on the field, crushing the kicker's leg, and then when the kicker kicks one last field goal, his lower leg flys off his body all because of Homer driving that float over his knee on the field.


1) For Homer Simpson, what would happen in REAL LIFE?

2) For the kicker, what would happen in REAL LIFE?

Answer 1

1) VEHICULAR ASSAULT
DUI
PROPERTY DESTRUCTION

2) HE WOULD HAVE BEEN CARTED TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN HIT AND LEG WAS CRUSHED--SURGERY AND A LAWSUIT AGAINST HOMER FOR CIVIL LIABILITY, DUI AND INJURIES SUSTAINED, LOSS OF FUTURE CAREER AS A PRO FOOTBALL KICKER,????

Answer 2

1) Homer would be arrested and charged with attempted man slaughter.

2) The kicker would have never been able to make the attempt because he would have been in the hospital having surgery to fix his leg.