Ive been with my bf for 4 yrs. I love him and he loves me.He's 24 and Im 21. He smokes pot on a daily basis. He quits now and then but he always starts up again. I knew he had this problem since we met but it didnt bother me as much because at the time I was in my first sober year myself. I felt like it I was patient I could help him quit. I did much harder drugs and I was able to quit and better myself why cant he? One day he tells me "I do it all for you, I quit smoking for you." and the next thing I know, hes telling me that he doesnt think that his problem affects our relationship so if he gets the urge to smoke, hes gonna smoke. I try to tell him that when he goes through these pot head phases I cant even stand him when hes sober. Its like he doesnt care how I feel about it. Im at my wits end, what do I do? Hes so hard to talk to, he only hears "youre not perfect enough for me." By the way he works 2 jobs & goes to school so hes not a 'loser.'
2007-10-14 08:21:02 · 8 answers · asked by Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I hate to sy this but maybe it is time for you to move on. It sounds like you have grown up and are in a different stage in life then he is. If he really loved you he would stop smoking dope. Maybe you should ask him if he plans to continue this behavior after you have children. if he still says he doesnt think it will affect anything he does have a problem.
2007-10-14 08:27:17 · answer #1 · answered by beachnerjl2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he's no loser, he's a functioning addict (much like a good segment of our population); that's one issue. Marijuana isn't physically addictive, so we have a tendency to think of it as a benign drug, and arguably less harmful than cigarettes or alcohol. The deeper issue remains however, it IS a drug and addictions to anything (gambling, drugs, sex, or food) will run a clearly indentifiable and predictable course. Right now you're both at the point where he tries to give it up for you, but it doesn't work for long. Being a recovering substance abuser yourself don't you understand why? It's because despite our best intentions to the contrary, we can't stop doing something merely to make someone else happy....the recovery, for it to stick, has to be for ourselves. He has to want to stop, or all of his considerable efforts will be in vain....he'll always be one stress away from lighting up again. When you quit, did you go to meetings periodically (and do you still go)? Because this is a good way to get inside "why" a user uses in the first place. Without answering those questions to his own satisfaction, it is unlikely that any tangible change will ever occur. At a minimum some genuine dialog is called for between you two, because he could conceivably go on like this for thirty years....many people do; the dialog just shouldn't be "preachy" or holier than thou or it'll be easily dismissed. I'm sure there is some common ground out there for you both between where you both are now and where you want to be. So, if he's worth it to you, explore that option. Good luck to you both.
2007-10-14 16:09:07 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy works 2 jobs and goes to school, and you don't like that he smokes pot.
If you have 2 jobs and go to school and don't have ANY vices (drinking,smoking,drugs,coffee,computer games, etc...) then tell him that he's not for you and walk away.
But until that time remember that no one is perfect and the fact that you want him to change, when he doesn't seem to be ready will only end up with him resenting you in the future.
2007-10-14 15:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by Phantm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the pot habit is causing this much strain in the relationship you need to break up with him and get a new boyfriend. Look, ppl change only because they want to change, not because their gf/bf tells them to change. So unless he decides to change for himself, he won't.
Chi-Town Flawless
author of,
The Nice Guy's Manual on How to Stop Simpin and Attract the Woman That You Really Want
http://www.stopsimpinmovement.com
2007-10-14 15:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by Glenn Johnson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't quit because he doesn't want to quit. He's in denial,and nothing you say or do will convince him otherwise until he realizes for himself what he's doing. The best thing you can do is get yourself out of a bad situation, because he'll never quit for you.
2007-10-14 17:56:18 · answer #5 · answered by god_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with him until he decides to give it up, tell him it is either the pot or you one or the other has to go
2007-10-14 15:29:05 · answer #6 · answered by J W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him before it turns into 10 years. Don't waste your time trying to fix him.
2007-10-14 15:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by insanebearie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try n try to make him understand with emotions too.....
2007-10-14 15:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by MR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋