Who was rude and what should I do?

Question

When I first moved in to the neighborhood my neighbor was SO nice.She knew we homeschooled, and honestly,it was a non-issue.She and I would have our kids play together,she'd come over a lot,you get the idea.About a month ago, I took my oldest daughter(5) out to eat at a fast-food place and neighbor lady was there, along with 3-4 other neighborhood mothers.They waved me over, so we sat with them and my daughter played.Neighbor brought up HS to the other moms, and started yapping about how it's just "her opinion, but kids learn SO much more in Pub. school, because I can't give them what a teacher can-Other moms joined in with how bad homeschool was,and why would I do that?At this point I felt very attacked, informed the mothers that our reasons were numerous, but there was also a TON of evidence to suggest that Homeschool has some amazing benefits over PS& they could research that. I then left
Now, neighbor-lady won't wave hi or come over any more. I was hoping to develop a friendship...

Obviously this is abridged because I only have so much space, but all the moms were going on and on about how I was going to ruin my kids for at least 5 minutes before I could even say what I said...

A bit more......I don't mind other opinions.....in fact, my oldest in IN public school. I have nothing against it, I just realize one size doesn't fit all, especially with education, and my other kids are currently reaping a world of benefit from homeschool. If that changes, then we will change too

Dear JC......you poor thing. See, what I left OUT is that I was taking DD out to eat after Dance. That's right, dance! We DON'T live in a cave, imagine that! My kids are involved in dance, Civil Air Patrol, various sports, Firefighter Young Volunteers, and various other organizations where they have friends and share with kids their own ages and other ages as well.......But thanks for proving how RIGHT I am that people form opinions on Homeschool, without ever bothering to research and see what a world-expanding experience it can be! Oh, and you get a thumbs down because you came here to spew your uniformed opinions rather than answer a question

Answer 1

You sound like a very informed mother and a very educated one! I enjoyed reading your thoughts and learned much. People can be so opinionated. It's a shame.

If I were you, I would go up to your neighbor and ask her what's wrong. She may feel guilty and doesn't have the grace to apologize to you. Ask her if you said something that was offensive. Let her speak. Tell her the 'judgments' that rained down on you were unjustified and it made you feel bad. Let her speak. Then tell her that you hope the two of you can become friends and that your kids can continue to play together. Let her speak. If she has loyalities elsewhere, she would have never made a good friend anyway. Some people can't take responsible for their own thoughts and mind. They lose.

As for you, keep doing what you're doing! What lucky kids! I wish you were my neighbor! Cultivate your friends in the arena where people have a vision - and at worship. You sound like a well-rounded Mom and citizen.

Answer 2

Part of it is the age we live in. People see all the celebs and news people who seem to have an opinion on just about everything, and think they should too. People do not stop to think about the consequences, because on the TV and the radio, the consequences are not seen. And they are grim, ripping a neighborhood apart over someone"s right to do homeschooling, depriving the kid's of playmates.
And you fought back, hope your tone of voice was one of explanation, and not confrontive. Sorry, but if you were confrontive, you had an equal part in this, and you should apologize, and so should everyone else.
Here's how: "Neighbor, I did not know you and the others were so against home schooling, I wish you could have found some other way to tell me about it other than ganging up at me at the fast food. I felt like I was on trial. And now you won't speak to me, or let the kids play together. I think we need to get beyond this, and let the kids find their playmates where they want. I'm sorry if I sounded rude, I did not mean to, I was just trying to explain, but I was put on the defensive there." PS: one of my friend home schools her daughter, the kid has a serious medical problem, and germs could kill her, and she is often sick, can't keep a school schedule. The kid is bright and social, and very into her activities.

Answer 3

Well, obviously all the other moms were rude. You don't publicly critisize how someone has chosen to raise and educate their kids just like I would not sit at an army base and talk of how "dumb" soldiers are or how they are puppets or other such rude comments.

I'd tend to ignore the neighbour and the issue. Be polite and give it a few months to blow over and the I'd treat it like it never happend. That doesn't work for some folks so the only other optionI could suggest is to invite her over and share how you felt attacked during lunch and "hurt". Sometimes that's a good approach but its hard to say.

If I had to defend homeschooling, I think I'd express concern about drugs, peer pressure, swearing and smoking and say that you prefer to protect your children from that environment. These seem more defensible and less difficult than the quality of education debate which I agree is solid but it smacks of intellectualism and ego - "I know more than any dumb teacher". Noone should have a problem to argue that schools don't seem safe these days.

Good luck with your neighbour, sounds very unfortunate.

Answer 4

Well, I was in CAP and I know that home school is known for benefiting academically more so than PH. Also, a lot of people think home schooling kids have no life, but also know that that is not true. I know plenty of people who do outside actitiveslike the ones you've just mentioned. My point is is that those women are ignorant and haven't done their research but you have. I know it sucks when others will blatantly call you out on something they know nothing about and just stomp all over the truth. But your kids are doing great, and you'll find true* friends eventually-you are bound to meet some with the things your kids are involved in. The lady could just be jealous?..it seems logical.Don't worry about her , it sad though that things had to end the way they did. But in time things will resolve.And you were not rude, they were crossing a fine line-so you had every right to leave. Why tolerate such ignorance?..

Answer 5

She was rude. No one has the right to attack another person for their beliefs. It is too bad that she had to make a judgment against you and damage the friendship you were forming with her. Not everyone feels that home schooling is bad. The other moms may have just gone with her because they know her. They may not actually feel that way. It was very rude of her to attack your beliefs like that in front of other people. Home schooling is one of those things that is very opinionated. If your children are benefiting from being home schooled then go for it. If they can receive something in public and/or private school then do that. The biggest argument against homeschooling is that kids don't get the social interactions they do at public or private school. It sounds like you children are getting plenty of social interaction and what you think is the best for them and that is what is important. What you think is best. How they get an education is not as important as them getting an education. Kudos to you for home schooling. Keep up the good work. Only you know what is best for you kids. I wish I had the patience to home school, but I don't and I think my child is getting a good education in public schools. If at any point that changes then I will look into home schooling.

Answer 6

She sounds like a right coward. She has a problem with home schooling but was too pathetic to say anything to you when you were on your own so she waited until she had her friends around her so they could all gang up on you. That's how bullies work. Frankly, I think you're better off without her judging by this behaviour. If she was a friend of yours she would have stuck up for you when the other women were attacking you, even if she did not necessarily agree with your opinions. It's her problem, not yours, and I wouldn't try to pursue a friendship with someone like that, just be civil when you see her but she doesn't sound like a good person to be friends with if she just turns on you like that for something you believe is right for your children. My two younger sisters were home schooled for several years and it definitely didn't set them back. As for the social side - for your children and for yourself - you could try to find other parents in your area who home school their children and think about joining forces, this is what my mum did and it worked out really well. At one point they had a group of about 15 children.

I think home schooling can be really valuable. If the spelling and grammatical mess that is Jc's answer is anything to go by, kids learn nothing in public schools these days.

Answer 7

I think it was really rude of your neighbor to begin the tirade..i'd write her a letter stating that your sorry if she was offended by anything you said but yu felt attacted I would remind her that you dont point out parts in her or the other mothers lives that you dissagree with and you know your kids and what best for them better than any other mother in her litle click..and while you had hoped you two could've formed a friendship, you refuse to be the neighborhood doormat...and send similar letters to the other women...then find someone who isnt a backstabber and doesnt use a broom as primary mode for transportation...you dont need to associate with jerks....ps..i'm not a big fan of homeschool..but thats for my kids adn my personal opinion......you do what's best :)

Answer 8

I am totally against home schooling EXCEPT when there is a real need to do so; excessive bullying, learning problems, medical issues, etc HOWEVER< those women were just plain rude, a bunch of cats and you lose nothing by not having their friendship esp that one woman. They ganged up on you, they had their claws out and they were insulting. There is a way to discuss something with civility and courtesy and a way to make someone feel bad and pick on them as a gang, which is what these witches did. You're much better off without them...

Answer 9

Just call or go over & be the first (most intelligent one) to apologize and agree to disagree, and say that you hope that they can be friends at least for the children. If not agreed, then just politely say "thanks for you time". Afterwards, just try to get your kids involved in "after home school" functions like soccer, dance so that they will socialize & bond with the neighborhood kids. Kids tend to be more forgiving than parents, and that way their kid will say "can they come over & play"? Also, with holloween coming up, why don't you break the ice and initiate a block party (with costumes) for the safety of the children. Who could resist that?

Answer 10

No-one necessarily rude but when peoples opinions differ it seems to cause friction,try and offer the olive branch and state that although you may not agree on the home schooling it shouldn't mean you can't be friends,hopefully she will agree and things will be fine if she disagrees atleast you tried,I think good on you,I imagine it can be hard work to homeschool but as long as it works for you and your children why should it be such an issue.