Why are people so concerned with how someone else raises their kids?

Question

I really would like to understand why, with so many real issues involving children that are important, such as abuse, sexual assault, or obvious neglect, do parents have to argue, insult, judge and put down other parents over issues like:
SAHM VS. WORKING MOMS
DAYCARE VS. NON-DAYCARE
BREASTFEEDING VS. FORMULA
SPANKING VS. NON-SPANKERS

Why does a person even get themselves all worked up, to the point of being nasty, insulting and judgemental, towards another parent who doesn't raise their kids the same way that parent does? Why do some people care if Jane Doe in San Antonio, Texas works outside the home? Or the fact that Mary Smith in Miami, Florida spanks her kids?
For those who feel the need to insult, put down, call names, tell others they don't love their kids, are bad parents, or that they shouldn't have had kids, WHY DO YOU CARE HOW ANOTHER PARENT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW RAISES THEIR KIDS?

RUMPY: You said exactly what I have tried to say before. Being a SAHM doesnt make you a better mom just because you have the title SAHM. I have seen SAHM's whose kids look like they were dressed out of the rag bag, whose clothes are stained, don't fit, the kids smell, and the mom isn't dressed any better and it doesn't look like the mom even tried to brush her own hair. Her kids are running around the grocery store knocking stuff off the shelves, while the mom is too busy looking at DVD's or gossip magazines. Yeah, thats a better mom than me just because technically she is a SAHM????

To have a better world in the next few decades????

So the fact that someone is a working mom means that they are going to screw their child up to the point that it is going to affect the world for decades to come? And this is why some people feel the need to call working moms bad parents and to tell them that they don't love their kids? All because they are worried that working moms are going to screw up the world for decades to come???? Hmmmm.........

WI MOM: But how does anyone know what the RIGHT way is? There is no universal parenting guide that tells us the right way to parent on every subject a parent will face. Even different parenting experts have different opinions on different subjects.

Opinions don't make it fact. It may be your opinion that a mom should stay at home, that parents shouldn't spank, or whatever the subject might be, but that doesn't make it fact. You know the saying about opinions, right? Opinions are not fact.

For all the parents who think their way is the RIGHT way, and want to step in and "correct" other parents way because it might affect future generations, chances are high, that there is something that those parents are doing in their own parenting that others would feel is wrong.

"That woman is a stay at home mom, but she spanks her kids!! OH MY GOSH!! Lets grab the tar and feathers!!!!

Answer 1

I know, this really bugs me, too. As long as someone provides a safe, loving home for their child, what does it matter if they breast-feed? I know there are documented reasons to bread-feed, but it doesn't work for everyone. Also, being a SAHM does not make you a better mom. If you stay at home but don't pay any attention to your kids, how does that make you better than a mom who works hard every day and comes home and spends all of there remaining time with their children? People really need to mind their own business and not be so judgemental.
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To the person named "Married with Children" who answered below: You are truly obnoxious. Just because you feel something is right for your circumstances, it doesn't mean you are better or smarter than anyone else. Everyone has reasons for the choices that they make. To make someone feel like a lesser person because they must work to provide for their family or because they physically do not provide enough milk for their child is beyond evil. I understand that research proves some choices are better than others, but circumstances do not always permit someone to follow those choices. If I would worry about anyone's children, it would be yours. Being so judgemental is a horrible example to set for your children. What good is following all of the parenting suggestions to the letter (i.e. breastfeeding and being a sahm) when you are a horrible person? I think the substance of the parent (your character and the example you set) is much more important than your choice of formula or breastmilk.

Answer 2

Because contrary to what you might think, research has shown that there are right ways and wrong ways to raise children. When it's done wrong, it effects us all from health care to prisons. I'm not saying we should name call, that's over the top, but people should know the evidence and research around raising well rounded children. As someone who works directly with parents who need help in raising children, I see it all the time. However, there are productive and constructive ways of helping parents that do not name call or put anyone down. Most caring, responsible adults care greatly about those that cannot speak or defend themselves and we feel they have an obligation to protect all children. It takes a village....

Answer 3

I think moms who work and care for their kids are the best moms out there, everyone who has kids knows how hard it is to just be a mom let alone hold done a job to support them with the things they need. My best friend is only 26 years old and has three kids ages 10,6,and 4 she is a single mom to her kids and is working part time as a cna and going to college full time to be a rn to make better for her kids there is nothing wrong with that at all. I do not agree with a lot of ways kids are raised and I do feel the commuinty has the right to say something to someone if they are doing wrong because kids are going to be our next generation and they will be what we make them to be and thats very important. But being a mom is a hard job and everyone yells or spanks there kids at one point or another and as long as its not abusive its ok some kids to need that type of disapline anyways.

Answer 4

Bottom Line: Parenting is a competition!!!!!


If the working mom is considered a "bad mother" then all the SAHM are considered the "the best" in comparsion.

If the SAHM are deemed lazy, then the working mom are trimuphed for "doing it all and raising great kids"

People want to feel they are BETTER then others. It's natural. If one group (say working mothers) is deemed bad.......then there is a "standard" If you fit the social standard, "you are doing a good job and automatically are deemed BETTER then someone else"

In all honesty, do what you have to do to raise you kids. Only you pay or bills, only you choice to live in a smaller house, only you choice how to discipline your child.

There really is no ONE PROVEN method of child-raising. If there were, won't we have a perfect society. Good Kids come from all kids of homes; including working mothers and those who spank. As well as, SAHM and non-spanking parents. Do, what works for your family; not for your neighbors.

Answer 5

I know. If someone even dares to mention the word Formula in their answer all the breast-feeding fanatics are giving them a thumbs down. I don't care how someone feeds their child as long as they are being fed. We had a woman here in Washington state that let her youngest starve to death while the oldest (Only 3, I believe was only able to live because he was eating crumbs off the floor. When police arrived there were over 20 cans of formula for the baby, but over 300 beer cans (Empty) scattered all over her apartment.

Answer 6

It's pretty simple really.

We are all members of society. Children are the future of our society. A healthy society is best for everyone.

Those who choose unhealthy ways to raise their children ruin society for the rest of us. Those of us who do what has been proven to be best should not have to pay for others' poor choices.

Crime rates, insurance rates, mental health issues, etc. should be the concern of all members of society.

I certainly don't want to live in a society where parents discount medical studies and results in what is best for our children. I wish more parents actually made the RIGHT choices for their children instead taking the easy way out.


** Honestly, does it really matter what a child's clothes look like? You've shown your priorities are quite out of order. I would never think that perfect clothes are reason enough to dump my kids into daycare so I could make more money for nicer clothes. **

Answer 7

In the big picture, there are pros and cons to everything, and then there are rights and wrongs. And before those last few words get attacked, let me explain. There are things that we as parents see as typical things (things that perhaps we were raised with) like spanking. The views vary quite a bit on this. One way is not right or wrong, it is a difference in parenting/disciplining etc. However I think that for some people the reason why spanking is seen as bad is simply because if someone spanks and they see this as a horrendous violent thing (not as cause recaction discipline) then they might go further and think that if one person spanks they are more likely to to do other things that could be see or are seen as violent. It varies a lot through perspective. SAHM vs Working outside of the home Mom's, everybody feels differently, when bottom line, everybody has a different situation, different views, expectations, etc etc....but bottom line with this, neither the stay at home or the work outside of the home mother's do not want to be seen as a lesser person, parent, mother, etc due to their decisions of stay at home or work outside of the home. Why do so many people get involved with these kinds of things, because we can. SOme want to down others, others truly want to help, others want to share, bond etc without judgement. As there are givens within attributes that we want our children to have we all have different priorities. I might my child to be famous pianist, while another will judge that and think I am horrible for (in their eyes) forcing such a thing on my child and not letting them be a child, or another might think it is totally cool, and wish they had the time, motivation, money, etc to do something like that to get their child started in. It is all personal experiance, expectations, etc.
With stuff revolving aorund day care and not day care, we take our child to the place that is safe, where we trust the people, environment...period..........that is top priority, this could be a grandparent's a early learning center, a day care, etc..who knows, it is all a matter of the parents.
With stuff like breastfeeding vs formula, this varies also, however it is more of an educated decisision. There are tons of tests, studies, etc comparing the two. And I am not going to go into the speal of all of that, however, as a parent who formula fed, and a few years later researched the topic extensively, if I had to do it over again, I would choose breast feeding. I feel as thought I am a lot better informed than I was a few years back. And I think with a lot of things that if people, instead of judging others, took into consideration that they could enlighten themselves with knowledge (in a well rounded way) and enlighten themselves on others......they could indetify the importance of why we choose what we choose, we do not always have significant reasons, while others could write a book about the reasons, some to not think, they just spit out judgement.
TO the bigger question of why does Sally in Texas care about how Susie in Tennesse raises her children- in my opinion (in the good faith of others) its because we hope the best for our youth, we want to speak up for children where children cannot always speak up for themselves, if we can in ways identify early signs of things, or at least bring attention to an eary possible sign, then maybe we can help a child. Along the way, we as people just come off more as judgemental than helpful, sometimes. lol, and sometimes we truly are not helpful at all....some of us are just plain judgemental.......even if they might be correct, the message is lost through ill presentation. We can look at our child and know how much we love them, and we question others, because they are different, and we do not always know why they choose things, and all we know is what we do (unless we take the time to analyze the whole everything out). It is a bit complicated all around to give a simple answer, becaue we are all different, and we do, judge, spread knowledge, parent, etc in different ways for different reasons.
***to WI Mom, I do not feel as though that if a person keeps their children in fitting clothes that lack stains and odor....makes them somehow lack in good priorities. It does not take a lot to dress a child with clean clothes. It does not take a lot to clean a stain off of clothes, it does not take a lot to change a child out of play clothes into going to the store clothes, it takes all of 2 seconds to grab a baby wipe to clean off face and hands. Are their higher priorities, yes........does this lesson the must for a clean child, no. Hygenine is soemthing that we teach our children, as are manners, right and wrong, how to tie a shoe, potty training, etc......hygenine is not a minor thing. I do not think that the asker meant that we should just go to work for the sole purpose of buying fancy for our children, and I do not think that you truly believe that is what was meant......either.

Answer 8

I think people always have their opinions on what is right and wrong and they do the best they can with what they know. And when they see someone doing something they feel is 'wrong' they want to step in and 'help' but they aren't always helping- because the other parent is also doing the best that they can with what they know.
*BTW you forgot the CIRC VS. UNCIRC debate on here*

Answer 9

Personally, I feel that when one parent is judgemental against another, it's because they have screwed up their own kids, and need to correct it by judging others methods of raising children. I feel it's nobody's business or say how you want to raise your children. They are your children, you raise them the way you feel is right.

Answer 10

Nope. My tubes are tied and I've by no means been pregnant. I plan by no means to have youngsters. Same with my fiance. Our matters are having freedom and tons of cash and privateness by way of our complete lifestyles. We do have pets regardless that, which we name "our children" lol.