I asked my old best friend to be in my wedding when i first got engaged. Well, she never was a good friend to me and i realized this as i got older and i kind of felt the same way when i asked her. But i felt that i had known her for so long (10 plus years) that i wanted and felt she should be in my wedding. Well now, as more stuff happened over the months we no longer talk really ever and things are different between us. To make a really long story short..i am contemplating not having her not be in my wedding...but obliviously that would be a really hard decision to make and tell her. But we have just grown apart, we don't talk anymore and i would much rather have bridesmaids who are friends to me that i actually see and have a relationship with. I have a good friend Kristen who i was thinking of switching her out with...what do you think? Positive honest answers please...i know this is a hard hard sticky situation and i am so stuck on what to do right now....
2007-10-14 05:27:02 · 25 answers · asked by Mrs! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have not gotten the dresses yet. We are going in January..that is why i need to figure all this out before than....
2007-10-14 05:30:27 · update #1
She has talked about being so excited to be in my wedding..so she is really excited about it and wants to be in it...that is what is making it so hard. I know that she really wants to be in my wedding.
2007-10-14 05:32:32 · update #2
Thank you for all the great answers and advice!!!!
2007-10-14 05:37:10 · update #3
She's not my Maid of Honor she is a bridesmaid!
2007-10-14 05:58:45 · update #4
Has she already vested in your wedding? Has she bought a dress or planned to take time off work? If so, you would be out of line. If she has not, you could just level with her but know that she will never speak to you again.
2007-10-14 05:33:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, i understand that this is a very hard decision for u. and i also understand why u want to switch her out..because i would too..now the hardest thing is to tell her...yeah..well i guess u can start the convo off by asking her if she still plans on being in the wedding, and then she is gonna say "yeah i am so excited" of course u dont wanna be mean to her, but u also would like to have a true friend in ur wedding..and in that situation there r 2 things that could get u out of ur situation...#1: if u lie to her by teliing he that someone else (an aunt or cousin) is planning ur wedding and that person has already chosen ur bridesmaides, behind ur back, u will not hurt her feelings, because she knows then that u didnt make that decision, but then lying to her probably will not make u feel good about it either....#2: tell her straight up, u know its gonna hurt her feelings one way o the other, just tell her that u guys need to keep in touch regularly because if not then u gonna have to find u a new bridesmaide..oh yea and by the way good luck & congrats on getting married
2007-10-14 06:43:08 · answer #2 · answered by Erika-Zola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sticky situation and I don't envy you. But this is your wedding and if she's not a good friend anymore you must be honest and tell her after all you will have the memories and photos for the rest of your life. Often someone will say yes when asked because they think of it as a compliment and often love the attention of being a bridesmaid.
Here are a couple of things you could do to try and get her to opt out. Tell her that the dresses you want the bridsmaids to wear will cost about 300.00 and you want her to make sure she orders the dyed shoes early enough. The bridesmaids always pay for there own dresses. Then go on about the hairstyles and pick the most expensive place and let her know that she will have to pay for that as well, maybe she'll back out on her own. If that doesn't work on about a month just be honest and tell her that your friendship has not been close and you have decided to choose a family member in liew of her. Good luck
2007-10-14 05:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Look, this is YOUR wedding. It's as simple as that. If you're not that close any more, then don't feel bad leaving them out of the wedding party. Especially since you weren't all that close along the way, you even said she wasn't that good of a friend to you.
So make the switch, get the people you're close to in your wedding party. We had the same problem when I got married. We had to scramble at the last minute for a replacement because one of the bridesmaids just didn't show up for fittings or anything. That was not fun. So, leave your "sort of friend" out of the wedding party. That way there's no extra pressure and you can still be casual friends without any resentment about the wedding.
2007-10-14 05:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You two have growing apart so not having her in the wedding maybe the best thing. You just have to weigh everything out. Since you haven't pick the dress out it would be easier to change it now. My cousin changed her mind about 10 times and the bad part was my mom was making all the dresses and shirts for her wedding. And my mom wishes she would have made up her mind a lot sooner then she did but it all worked out for the best. so good luck.
2007-10-14 07:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by dogluver4ver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked her even though you had reservations. So I think this situation is your fault. It wouldnt be right to nix her just because youve finally come to realize what you should have done in the first place. If youve been fighting, she might not want to do it either, so how about giving her a call and telling her that you dont like fighting when she is supposed to be in your wedding. Give her a chance to back out. If she doesnt, make up and let her stay in the wedding.
2007-10-14 06:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should really talk to her and explain that while you do like her and care for her, you feel that the two of you are not as close as you once were and that you feel it's best if she weren't in your wedding. Who knows? Maybe she only said yes to keep from hurting your feelings. If she has already bought the dress and the wedding is close, I would say just deal with it because that is a lot of work and that would be unfair to her.
2007-10-14 05:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by Scooter_The_Squirrels_Wifey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl why are you making such a big deal about this? It's your wedding, and it supposed to be shared with people you love and who loves you. If you are not really best friends and if you don't talk anymore, then call her, tell her that you have changed your mind and that because of the way your relationship has been going you have decided that it would be best for her not to be there. I got a feeling that's probably what she's waiting for anyways.
Good luck and Congratulations
2007-10-14 06:49:51 · answer #8 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would do is to call her, find a neutral place to talk and tell her that you had a change of heart and why. Go with the other friend. It would be really stressful for you and her at the wedding, knowing that you're not really friends anymore and you don't talk much. You wedding day is suppose to be your day to shine, your day to be in the spotlight, and to share it with friends and family that you really care about and that care about you. Do it before you buy the dresses. It's really uncomfortable, but you'll be better off in the long run. Good Luck to you and Happy Wedding Day!
2007-10-14 05:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just know that with this decision, you'll probably be ending the friendship and hurting her quite a bit. I'm not even sure she would attend the wedding. As long as you're aware of the impact that your decision will make and you're okay with it -- then go ahead and tell her. Of course you want your best friends to be there supporting you on your day -- it's just a shame that she's excited and has this expectation of being your MOH.
2007-10-14 05:53:24 · answer #10 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋