I have the opposite problem than most women have--my boyfriend loves me too much. He wants to be with me every second; he never takes his hands off me; and when we aren't together, he calls me every few hours. I've asked him to give me some space, but he gets really hurt and rejected, and I end up comforting him. I really care about this man, but I'm starting to turn off, and even feel scared of him. How can I make him see that I need him to love me less?
2007-10-14 05:17:36 · 11 answers · asked by ViA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your problem isn't that your boyfriend loves you too much, it's that he doesn't love himself enough. He's what I call an "emotional vampire." His heart is like an emotional container that's empty, and he desperately needs you to fill him up, only there's a hole in the bottom, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough, and he'll always crave more. No wonder you feel uncomfortable: although he appears to be giving in his desire to be with you, touch you, and call you, he's actually taking. He's feeding off your attention, your presence, your energy.
People like your boyfriend who seem to "love too much" are almost always desperately needy, seeking to distract themselves from their pain with a temporary dose of love, sex, or, or affection. They can fall in love instantly, and become easily compulsive and obsessed, sucking their partners in by sweeping them off their feet, and, eventually, keeping them around with guilt and pity. Your boyfriend probably has been very hurt in his life, perhaps by a family member, and he has an emotional wound that will not heal until he deals with it at its source. Your relationship and all the others he has had are like Band-Aids, temporary solutions for a deep and chronic problem.
What am I telling you? The only circumstances under which you should keep seeing him would be if he admitted to the problem and sought help immediately. There's a chance that, if your boyfriend receives some intensive counseling, you could work things out together. However, if you've already had enough and that you've got completely sucked in by this kind of person then probably end this relationship now, before things get worse, and they inevitably will.
ravishingV
2007-10-14 06:19:11 · answer #1 · answered by ravishingV 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he gets hurt when you tell him you need some space, then you two aren't a good match. You can try to tell him again how you feel and a relationship with too much attention/possession won't work for you. He'll either try to back off, or feel rejected in which case you'll need to consider rejecting him completely and allowing him to find someone insecure who thrives on her guy wanting to know where she is and what she's doing every few minutes of the day.
2007-10-14 05:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a matter of him loving you less. Everyone needs their space. He shouldn't have to be so clingy. Even when you're with him, he doesn't need to touch you all the time. He shouldn't feel the need to call you all the time either. You have to tell him again that you need some space. Don't tell him that you need him to love you less because that's just going to hurt him. Just tell him you want him to calm down and back off a little. It's not that you don't like him, it's just that you also like yourself...Just ignore it if he feels hurt and rejected. By showing you how hurt he is, he's just sucking you back in and you end up just accepting being smothered all over again. If he feels hurt, he'll be less likely to call you and stuff, at least for a little while.
2007-10-14 05:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep assuring him you love him but emphasize that you need to breath also. It's difficult handling someone like that but it's either they are very loving but insecure and can get hurt easily or they are very touchy-feely physically and just need a lot of attention without even realizing it. Keep reinforcing that you love them. Go places without him, it's almost training them to be without you and you will find that they will be able to do the same...eventually ofcourse. It won't be easy though, if they start calling too much while you are away, tell them you are busy and you will call them back later. It can become unbearable, so then you let them know that they are saturating you. Even though they might get hurt they will realize that it's damaging the relationship. That's the last strall...Be nice about it but also be aggressive with it because if you love the man, you want him to be independent and be functional without you always being there, your relationship will survive longer to say the least....Best wishes!
2007-10-14 05:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by fine00 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds unexperienced, so I think whatever u tell him, he'll take it like u don't even like him ( which u probally not going to). A women can never Love a man that loves her too much, bc he's not a man no more.
If I was you get him use to seeing u once or twice a week, and tell him u like being with ur freinds to, and he must understand that, thia relationship won't last anyway
ROCK ON
2007-10-14 05:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Mike luc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some do. Some do not. Some abuse is because of mental illness. Some is simply a lack of respect. Some is because of ignorance. When my wife and I first got married, we hit each other often and were not abusive to one another. How? We had to learn each other's movements. We had to learn to be more careful when turning corners. As we learned, we ran into one another less often. Do not confuse this with abuse. Yes, it hurt. Neither of us were trying to hurt one another. There is a difference. Same thing happened with my dog. She eventually learned. She still makes mistakes and her teeth draw blood. I wonder if her teeth hurt as much as my hand? Never teach your dog rough play. They never outgrow it. It's fun, but you pay for it every now and then.
2016-03-12 21:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats sweet but could understand to be overbearing.
You should tell him that you are a little busy at the moment and you are going to see him later and take a few hrs off him every day.
2007-10-14 05:22:49 · answer #7 · answered by Meloa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs to grow up. Or you just might be that good. Honey maybe an appropriate name for you.
2007-10-14 05:22:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a bit scary...I'd run and run fast, he is way too obsessed and possessive and will probably become controlling and begin to watch your every move and next is abuse, so please run!
2007-10-14 05:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this guy lacks confidence in himself actually his possessiveness has nothing to do with luv rather a lot to do with insecurity ...maybe he feels u are way better than he is...like ur appearnces, job , social status etc?? so he is afraid that u may ditch him for some1 better eventually either he will leave u ( i do not mean you will leave him) or he will grow a bit mature in his behaviour ( least likely)
2007-10-14 05:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by simplynuts 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋