What should I do about my son and my husband?

Question

My husband who I am already having major problems with and we are already in counselling was supposed to get up this morning with the kids.Well he got up with the baby(8 months) and put her in the bouncy chair and didn't even bother to change her diaper and went back to bed.She was covered in pee.So I came downstairs realizing this at the same time my 10 yr.old son was cooking eggs in the frying pan and he didn't know what he was doing and used up all the eggs and threw them in the garbage and there was egg all over everything and everything was greasy from the oil he was using.I FREAKED OUT on my son who had made a terrible mess and my husband because none of this would have happened if he got up like he said he would.This whole situation could have been really bad if my son caught something on fire.I am so upset and don't know how to handle this situation.How should I discipline my son?At the same time it was not all his fault.

I thought that I would add that me and my husband do NOT sleep in the same room so I did not know that he went back to bed.I had assumed that he had stayed up after I heard him come in my room and get the baby.
Also I did talk to my son and apologized to him for freaking out on him but it was a reaction because I was scared to see him cooking and we understand each other now but my husband and I are still fighting.By the way my oldest son is from another marriage and my husband just told me he did not have to get up because of my son.Urrrrr..I am still very upset at my husband whom by the way is still sleeping and now it is alomst 11'0 clock!

Answer 1

Not a good way to start your morning. I too would have 'freaked out'. After I cooled off however, I would tell my son that I know he didn't mean to create such a mess and that he thought he was doing a good thing by making breakfast. I would apologize to my son for yelling at him while also explaining to him that I was scared that he could have been burned by the grease, that the kitchen could have caught on fire from the grease, he could have gotten hurt from the mess on the floor. I would then ask him if he understands why he is NOT TO COOK or TURN ON THE STOVE without supervision. As far as your husband goes I would ask him if he gets it; what could have happened. If he sleeps in the same bed as you then when he came back to bed, As much as you didn't want to have to, It would have been better for you if you had gotten up too- angry, resentful yes, and checked on the kids. I understand why you didn't, We're all human, morning comes, we all want to sleep in, AND your husband said he would get up. I might not have gotten up either. I will say that the most important thing here is that everyone involved understands just how dangerous this could have been. Thank God or your lucky stars that all you had to deal with was some broken eggs and a wet baby, whew ,you guys were lucky if you think about it.

Answer 2

I just wanted to say a couple of things about your son.

At 10, he should be able to watch himself for a couple of hours. If I were you, I'd make sure he a) knew that you'd send him to an early grave if he ever touches the stove again until he's old enough; and b) knew how to pull together meals for himself safely so he CAN be on his own for a few hours.

As for your husband, all I can say is bring up the incident in the next counseling session and see if you can figure out some way to work it out.

I can certainly understand your anger. It's just wrong to leave the baby in wet diapers and go back to bed, leaving her completely unattended (except by your young son, who shouldn't have to be responsible for her).

Answer 3

I know that this is an extreme extreme situation but maybe this will help your husband realize what may have happened. This story reminds me of my cousin who had fallen asleep with his son in the house. His son decided he was hungry and tried to make some eggs. He didn't make a mess though. He burned the house down and 2 lives were lost. Like I said, this was an extreme and rare situation, but you honestly never know.

Answer 4

You dn't have to discipline your son, rather let him know how dangerous the heat of the stove is, and that if he wants something to eat, please wake YOU up....

Let him help you cook from time to time if he's interested as well.

About your husband? I don't know what to say, but i'd think leaving a 10 month old alone in a chair is a little dangerous... your husband doesn't seem to have much common sense, NOR does he have a sense of responsibility or obligation to the kids, since he is too lazy to stay up with them.

take care.

Answer 5

I don't think your son needs discipline. Stay calm and loving and teach him what he needs to know. I can tell by the content of your letter that your son and baby daughter are living in a very unhappy household.

Freaking out is your reaction to what happened. You need to work on responding and not reacting. The battle is lost if you give into freaking out. You will of course tell your counsellor what happened. He/she is the one who will work things through with your husband and then you about what happened. I'd say it looks like your husband is not into the counselling or the marriage. Please don't take it out on the children.