Why should I ge married?

Question

I and my partner have been together for 6 years, lived together for 3, we own our place of residence and all our goods in common, we have a joint bank account, I am on his health insurance plan, neither of us has ever had the slightest desire to not be in the relationship, we a fully accepted into each other's families, and we have no wish to ever have children. Is there any logical reason for us to get married? Please don't as if I want to get married because that is not what I'm asking. I'm asking outside of my possible personal desire for a wedding is there a logical/symbolic etc. reason for us to marry?

Ok. So to reiterate our familes toatlly accept us now in our unmarried state. We also got legal documents, like a domestic partnership agreement, so we are entitled to tax breaks, next of kin benifits etc. I'm not writing this because anyone is pressuring me. I'm sad because I never got a wedding and now since we're basically married without one I can't justify having one. And my desire to have one does NOT justify doing it.

No one else in the world is begruding me a wedding and I do not fear them doing so. I begrudge it to myself. Unless someting significant is going to change I'll feel like I'm just gratifying my ego.

Ok guys, one more clarification. We actually DO have a marriage liscece. We got secretly legally married becasue of all the legal reasons as you pointed out. But no one who knows us personally knows this.

Answer 1

WE HAVE TO GIVE A NAME TO THE RELATION.

Answer 2

Hi Amanda:

No one on here is judging you....take it easy on yourself.

I do understand everything you are saying. You have all the legal documents in case one of you dies, is ill, etc. Everything is in order and legal.

HOWEVER, you still do NOT have a marriage license. I think you should go ahead and plan your wedding. Obviously, you are wanting to, otherwise you would not have found this forum and asked this question.

Personally, I would love to attend a wedding as yours. It doesn't matter, again, that you "consider" yourselves married, you still ARE NOT. I say, go for your day. You have "begrudged" yourself long enough!! What's wrong with wanting to plan a wedding for yourself? Nothing! I'm sure your family and friends would agree. It could even be a "surprise" wedding. Now, that would be fun to plan! Invite everyone to a big event and then announce that they are about to witness you being married! How fun!

I hope you decide to do this....so congratulations and I hope you have a beautiful wedding day!

EDIT: Ok, Amanda, you should have been honest from the start. Your addendums put things in a different light. Now, you say that you are already married, so you CAN'T plan a wedding, but what you CAN plan is a renewal of vows ceremony. This subject has been debated on here lots. Some call it a wedding "re-do".....the problem being....you can't have certain elements of a wedding, like bridesmaids and groomsmen, because you are not a bride or a groom. But you can have attendants/witnesses though. Many things are similar in a vow renewal, but you need to be careful how you word things. And, it wouldn't be a "wedding" reception. It would be more of an anniversary party. Go to this link and read all of the questions and answers. You can even ask one yourself if you want. It's answered by all sorts of bridal experts and gives lots of pointers on what is appropriate and not. Whether you go through with this or not, I would tell your families and friends that you ARE married! Good luck....here is the link:
http://www.topweddingquestions.com/forum/Second_Weddings_C9/Renew_Wedding_Vows_F12/

Answer 3

Well... to me it sounds like you're already living the married life. I say if you want a wedding, and a legal/spiritual connection... get married. Want another reason?? Taxes! Filing joint taxes is so cost effective!

Umm.. there are a couple other legal reasons too. If something were to happen to you or him, if you're not legally married... your families get everything, not you. If something happens and you end up in the hospital, people dont really fork up the information to the "girlfriend" as quickly as they do for the "wife". Umm... If you're spirtual, religious people, it binds you in the eyes of god. what else? In some states, co-habitation is illegal, and marriage is the only way a man and a women can live under the same roof together. Um.. In some types of business (and military) married couples are looked at more positively than "dating" couples.

Ok... i think thats all i got... I'm sure if i think about it longer i cna come up with some other stuff. I think, right now, you're living life like you're already married. At this point, marriage is only a title. If you want the title and all the perks it holds... go for it. If you really dont care about the title, dont worry about it!

Answer 4

As far as legality goes if there should be a separation there would be problems, also when death occurs a big problem, benefits, commitment Blessed by God. That license makes all legal as the next of kin. If the desire for children does come, it wouldn't make them of an unmarried couple out of wedlock and they would later know that by the birth certificate.
Child support could then be an issue if not married.
There are so many benefits, I can't even think of them all. I know when my husband died there was enough to go through let alone not being legally married it would have been unbearable.

Answer 5

What you really want is a wedding with everyone there, I bet. But you say you ARE married. You could get married again, buy printed invitations that state you are renewing your vows, there are some lovely dresses that are just as beautiful as a long wedding gown, and your Dad could even walk you down the aisle, which seems to be important to many women. You could have a nice party after to celebrate and do all the antics of newlyweds, such as cake cutting, first dance, etc. I think it would be a wonderful party and it would make you feel very good about doing it, even though it may tend to be expensive. You are lucky to have found such a good person to love, be happy with one another always.

Answer 6

I have the benefit of responding with knowing your last detail that you are already legally married. Here is my recommendation: DO A FORMAL WEDDING SERVICE. I was the same as you, a bit skeptical about the whole thing and wondering why we were going through it. However, it was a moment that I will never forget when I looked deep in his eyes and said "I do". It was so powerful my knees went weak and I nearly fell. I was laughing and crying at the same time. Skeptical "modern" gal that was never going to get married became consumed in the mush. It is totally worth it in every way. It is not "just a piece of paper." In your case, "you have the piece of paper" but you have been denied the moment. Go for it!

Answer 7

Assuming you are already emotionally married, there are some reasons why you might want to legally be each other's "next of kin." All may be well with you and his family, and him and your family now, but should one of you get sick or die, things can turn ugly from stress and disagreements. For example:
* If he ends up in the hospital unconsious, his family has the legal right to keep you away. If you end up in the hospital, your family has the legal right to keep him away.
* Do you both have wills at this moment? If not, your/his money goes to blood relatives (children, parents, siblings, etc.) not each other.
* There are other legal issues as well: power of attorney, who makes disposal of the body decisions, etc.

If you choose not to get married, it is extra important that the two you have a properly written and witnessed will or trust, power of attorney document specifying your wishes, along with instructions about what to do with you bodies.

As for "symbolic", society recognizes marriage as the highest level of relationship committment. You might not care about what others think of the two of you, and that's fine. But it might subtley come across in how you're treated, for example one of you being invited to an important event, but not the other.

This is not to say that you need to get married: I know a childfree couple who has happily cohabitated since the 70s, believing "marriage is just a piece of paper." But if you believe that, you need to get lots of other "pieces of paper" in order.

Also, I probably didn't think of all the reasons why people want to marry. To find more, I suggest looking at websites where gay couples are trying to get the right to marry. I think you're likely to find other reasons there.

Answer 8

People get married because it is a traditional symbol of lifelong commitment to another person whom you love. There is no reason that you have to get married - it is something that you want to do. Some people do this for religious or moral reasons. As long as you have all your legal matters taken care of so that you can act as life partners, you will be OK in that respect. If you want to show the world that you have made a life commitment to another, a wedding is one way to do this.

Answer 9

"Ok guys, one more clarification. We actually DO have a marriage license. We got secretly legally married because of all the legal reasons as you pointed out. But no one who knows us personally knows this."

YOU ARE MARRIED as stated in your last added detail which I just placed in my answer...

So you are married, and this question is a redundant one.

Answer 10

Well, actually, if you ask me, your desire to have one DOES justify doing it. I'm sure people won't begrudge it you, and will probably enjoy the party and the sense if things being 'official', as people tend to do. Just don't demand expensive gifts, that might ruffle a few feathers when you aren't actually starting a new household!

Answer 11

Yes, it's better to be married due to financial sharing.
When it comes to legal actions, is when problems begins.
The spouse gets benefits being married...as you say, you join many things together.
Just have the minister come to your house or go to court and it's done in 30 minutes, then have a small party with the family.
I guess this is a very personal decision, but if you still don't want to get married, better tell the family that when one of you is missing, the 100% of what;s left is yours or his.
Not being married, his family or your family can fight for "what it belonged to my son/daughter", believe me, families are SUPER UGLY when it comes to these things.Don't trust the angel faces, they are evil when the time comes. "they want what belong to my daughter or my son!!!!"