a father in desperate need of his children?

Question

my ex kept making allegations against me after 26 times down the stn and being nfa,d (no further actioned)by the police she managed to send me to prison , whilst inside she voluntarily gave the kids away, she is now with her new partner, so when i was released from prison i found out frm a 3rd party about the children , now i have a meeting with the social services tomorrow but i think the social services think i am a bad person but i am not , and b4 any one asks , what are my chances of getting the children back and what shall i expect at this meeting tomorrow, i know i don,t have any rights as fathers usually don,t, she gave them in volunrarily , nd keeps saying she neeeds space .. i just want the kids back she can move on ......... advice plz help!

Answer 1

Ok. First, there is a big difference whether you are on the birth certificate or not. If you are NOT on it, you will need to be adjudicated as the father of the children. IT will take a couple more months than if you are already on it.

She can not adopt the children out without father, so, I am assuming she "voluntarily surrender her rights". This is temporary, and, she can get them back. However, the fact that she gave them away to begin with does count against her. You having been in jail may not be optimal, but, the situation as it is, it is preferable that children be with their parents. She is obviously not the greatest parent, and, simply if they were too much for her to handle before, they will be again. So, finding a better solution works in your favor.

Laws vary from state-to-state, but, this is what you could expect in Wisconsin (and it will probably be very similar where you are). You will meet with the social workers to discuss the case. Assuming that you haven't been convicted of anything that relates to child abuse, there will be some questions to answer, paperwork to fill out. They will want to know about your education, skills, goals for yourself and your children, how you feel about discipline, etc. After this meeting, the workers will develop a permanency plan. This plan will spell out what they want to see you "improve' on before you can gain the children. Your wife will have one too, so, you are essentially racing against her (if she wants them back). This plan will state things like, get a job, find a place to live, take parenting classes, stay sober, exhibit appropriate behaviors in presence of children, etc. Please make sure they know you don't intend to re-unite with your wife. Once you have your permanency plan, you will be able to begin seeing the kids. IT will be short periods of time (supervised) at first, then will increase to more time, then, become unsupervised. Assuming that you have followed the permanency plan and are making progress, they will do several full-day trips, then, an overnight, then 2 overnights, etc. so that the children can gradually change homes. You can expect this to take - around 6 months or so, but, it truly is largely dependant on you. Please take this time to truly learn about child development, discipline, etc. You are a parent. You have the right to attend conferences, music recitals, whatever they have. Please do so. It will not only show that you are truly involved and caring, but, it will also speak volumes to the social workers. Enjoy the time getting to know your children again, and, please remember that what matters is what is good for the kids.

When you are talking to the social workers, please remember a few things: they are there to help protect your children. You couldn't do it because you were incarcerated, and your wife wouldn't do it. These workers care about what is best for the kids. They aren't trying to single you out or offend you. They are only wanting to assure the kids are safe. Before you go, please look up discipline techniques (may I suggest 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan), and talk as nicely as you can with the workers. Please ask any questions you have at all, but, they can't give you any information on your ex wife. It is a good situation to see a father that is interested, so, I wish you the very best of luck.

If you need any additional info, please feel free to email me. best wishes

Answer 2

Plealse consider the matter with a cool head. It would seem that the family courts held that you were not a good father who can be entrusted with the childre since you may not be in a position too take care. They courts rightly entrusted the custody to you ex as he mother of the children. She has also given away the children in exercise of her rihts as mother and your proved incapacity to care for them. You cannot now reopen the matter. You may,however, if possible make a plea that you have reformed since then and can really care for the children and convince the Courts about it. The Courts may then consider your request However, if tyou ex had given the children in adoption the transfer cannot be revoken though in consideration of you being the biiloical father of the childlren the Court may, if it thinks that it may not upset the children and provided the adoptee parents have no objection may allow you to meet the children occasionally.
This is just a technical possibility. You were apparently an irrespsonsible father which led to this situation. If you find that the children are well cared for it would be advisable for their on good to allow them to be with their present parents. You can begin life anew.

Answer 3

You can work the system but you cant control it.

My advice is to focus on what you can control. Get a job, get a place where the kids can stay in safety. After you have those things, go back and work the system some more.

If they think you are a bad person, you have the control to show them that you are not. So, set a good example of being a good person and things will work out in the end.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't know what to tell you to expect, but I can tell you to be honest and calm when you talk to the social worker. Don't focus on accusing your ex or making her look like a bad person, just focus on your love for your children and your wish to give them a stable life with a loving parent. If that is truly your goal, then I think that you will find a way to put your family together again. Good luck!

Answer 5

A whole lot depends what you ended up in jail for. It's not going to matter if you say you weren't guilty, they convicted you so you were. All I'd say is go there, answer questions, don't give information unless asked, keep your cool, and let them know you want the kids. You should know at the end of the meeting if you need to hire an attorney.

Answer 6

Why would you, as a father, want to jerk these kids around again? I don't see anything about what is best for the kids in your question. I don't see anything about how you can offer them a safe, secure and nurturing life, which is your duty as a father. I see selfishness and I see blaming everyone else for your mistakes.

Do the kids a favor and leave them alone. They have been through enough.

Answer 7

You have an uphill battle my friend. An ex con trying to get his kids back would be very difficult. You're best bet is to get Social Services to allow you visiting privileges.

Answer 8

I'm a single dad too. So I feel your pain.
Be honest tomorrow. DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE OR CURSE AT SOCIAL SERVICES. They report back to the courthouse. You will be drillked with questions, and you will be made out like you just shot 100 people. The whole process isn't fair. Just take it one day at a time my friend.

Answer 9

Probably a good idea to get into therapy

You may need a good family law attorney also. Some give free consultations.

take care and i hope it works out

Answer 10

Well, it would help if you would enroll in counseling or maybe parenting classes. That would show you are serious about getting your life straightened out. You need to prove that you are reformed, and that you are serious about wanting your kids.
Good luck to you, it will take some hard work on your part to prove yourself!