How can I convince my family that I have changed?

Question

I am a alcoholic! I have not touched a drink for 18 months.

2 years ago my husband and I went to a party and we both got drunk and I decided to drive home and we had a car accident and I killed my husband, we were married for 32 years, I was convicted and sent to a drug centre to dry out, which I did, while I was at the centre I found Jesus and welcomed Him into my heart and since I have lived a Christian life. praise God

My problem is my children will not talk to me because I killed their father while I was drunk, how do I convince them that I have changed thanks to Jesus and I no longer drink, I have grandchildren that I have never met and I want to get to know them and for my own children to love me again. We live in the same city but I have not seen them for 2 years

How do I convince them that I have changed and became a Christian, please help me?

Answer 1

Dear Candii,

Forgiveness takes time and maturity on the part of the forgiver. You have come a long way from where you were, but to reconcile with your estranged family requires that they take a few steps in your direction.

What you say and what you do have to line up. If you have changed, show them you have changed. Write to them, pray for them, and be a blessing to them. When they are ready, they will seek you out. Until that happens, don't push them to forgive you too quickly. Pushing someone only results in their pushing back. Instead, you need to love them in spite of their anger towards you.

In the meantime, nuture your spirit. Grow in your relationship with God. Help others who are less fortunate than you. Be a blessing to others. Do not focus on your own situation; this will only lead to depression. By taking the focus off you and placing your focus squarely on the needs of others and on Jesus, you will find your spirit lifted.

We are all sinners. We all need the healing power of God's love and forgiveness. Be thankful that you found Him. Many of us have to be brought to our knees before we ever look up and ask for help. Jesus is there for you and He forgives you. Forgive yourself and move forward. Try not to look back at the past, it will not change, no matter how much you wish it would. Instead, live your life in the present. Jesus has wiped your slate clean and you need to focus on moving forward and not looking back.

Your tesimony can be strong. Think about ways in which you could prevent others from suffering what you have gone through?

May God bless you Candii.

Answer 2

You are a Child Of God Now, and Your Past is Under Jesus' Blood. He knows your Heart, and He Sees your Heartaches. He Has Changed you from an alcoholic to a Sober minded "Spiritual" Person. Now, He wants to give YOU the desires of YOur Heart. He Knows What they are.....
You Must Keep Praying about this, and stay true to God. You Don't Need to convince them of anything....God will take care of that for YOU! You Have to Believe this, and you will Receive! But above "all" YOU Forget the Past, as JESUS already Has it buried in the deepest Sea, and UNDER HIS BLOOD. God Will Stay with you always and Has A very Special Life in store for YOU. Just Read your Bible, Find a God centered Church, and Keep Praying and Trusting. HE Loves you unconditionally......just Look at the Price He Paid For Us. Read Rom.8:28 and Jeremiah 33:3 I will be Lifting you up in Prayer also, Dear. (smile)

Answer 3

Sometimes our actions are also our millstone,many people even after becoming Christians still experience doubt,mistrust and suspicion by those around them and it is all they can do to show by their fruits that they have turned away from their former selves and have become a new creation in Christ.
It is universal that when the new Christian does 99 good things few notice,but let them drop the ball just once and the tongues and fingers begin to wag and point.
You can only continue your new found walk with Christ and pray that your children too may be healed of their hurts and come to see you as you are now, it calls for patience but also understanding.

Answer 4

Hey, the Bible says that "all things work together for good" so cheer up and relax. You ought to find a lot of friends on line, too! Jesus was known to be a friend of wine drinkers... (not ex wine drinkers --Luke 7:33-34) Moderation is the rule in the Bible. Just let your kids know that you love them and that you wish to see them again soon. It doesn't matter if they are Christians or not. Some Christians assume a sickening "holier than thou" attitude that you be better off avoiding. You didn't "sin" about drinking. You only had an accident that unfortunately happened after you were drinking. You had no way of knowing that it was going to happen. You were in no capacity to make a clear decision not to drive and apparently your husband or somebody else didn't help, either. The Bible supports drinking until you forget all your miseries... so don't feel bad...

Proverbs 31:6-7 (NIV) Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.

I honestly feel sorry about your dilema... just be strong and let time be the healer. I wish I knew more of you to be more helpful...

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you it really does.
I for one know what it is like to deal with an addiction and lose someone because of it (although not through death).
We all have a path in life and you are living yours.
The most positive thing you have done in your life is to of fort your struggles and to be a shining example to those who are on a similar path.
You should be proud of what you have managed to overcome.
Your husbands death was a tragedy but I believe if its your time to go then thats it.
That was your wake up call and you took the steps you were meant to take and become clean.
Your children are finding it hard but all you can do is wait for them to come around.
Do not let this fail you.
This is a test and if you keep strong then you will pass with flying colors.
Congratulations on your achievements.
What you have done is not easy to achieve.
I will be thinking of you.
Take care sweet heart.

Answer 6

We can not demand respect we command it. Your example
in time may, so zip it and walk what you talk. Alcoholism is
a family affair, Adult children of Alcoholics are deeply wounded with a ton of resentments. If you have not been to
A.A. I would strongly suggest you attend their meetings, to
work on your self, not your family. A.A. will give you the tools you need on how to live sober. There is also A-anon for family
and friends, as well other 12 step programs. Two years is yet
a short time to under stand what being sober is all about, you
need more then being Christian, you need to under stand what makes you tick, and why you abused alcohol. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

My Dear Friend,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine what you are going through, so I hope that I can be at least helpful.

If you are trying to convince your family with words, it will never happen. What I mean is you are not going to be able to say, "Hey, I have changed. Give me a chance. I found Jesus," and then expect everything to be okay, because honestly, most people find Jesus when they are in trouble. What most people want is justice. So, to me, you are not going to be able to use the I am different approach and expect results. In fact (please forgive me and bare with me), one of the things that I, personally, fail to understand is why when people "find Jesus", they don't just accept their punishment with a good attitude and "do" their time. For example, I had a nephew, who was killed by a drunk driver. The drunk driver, who actually killed three kids in that wreck, was sentenced to twenty-one (21) years in prison. When he got in prison, he found Jesus, but he kept appealing and appealing fighting to get out. In my opinion, if he were really repentant, he should do his time in peace. Yes, if he had an opportunity to be paroled then of course use it, but to try everything to get out. I don't think so. He never had a real change of heart.

Anyway, how does that work in your situation? First, don't demand that they see you because you found Jesus and have changed. Do not defend yourself in any way. Love them. If they won't see you, call them. If they won't take your calls, write to them. Open your heart to them. Show them how sorry you are for your mistakes. If they attack you, do not defend yourself. Agree with them. Show them the love of Christ. Show them, not tell them, that you have changed. Forgive them and forgive yourself. Pray that God will help you and trust that God will. Be good to them. Send them cards and gifts. Overwhelm them with love.

Now, here is something that just came to me, so take it for what it is worth. If you have another man in your life, I would probably not bring him around. In fact, I would say, "good-bye" to him. Your kids have not even gotten over the fact that their father is dead, so I don't think it would be a good idea to bring someone else around. Take that for what it is.

I hope that I have been helpful. I hope that you know that you are loved. God be with you.

sending love,

Answer 8

Oh, wow! What a burden you had to carry, but hopefully you found out through Christ that it was lifted from you! The main thing you can do is pray your children will come around and stand firm on that prayer; expect a miracle! You can be assured I will pray for you too, dear! And remember, "when MY LIFE they see, may they behold THEE". I trust God will touch their hearts, too, and soon! They are missing out and I hope they will realize it before it's too late! Good luck and may God Bless You! Ask your church to pray for you and them also!

Answer 9

First of all the most important thing is that you confessed to Jesus your sorry for your stupid mistake that everyone reading this is also guilty of maybe even your own children of drinking and driving. Jesus forgives those who are sorry and stop living their destructive life. The peace of mind you receive from Jesus will have to carry you through the rest of your life if your family can't bring themselves to.

Answer 10

You can't and you shouldn't want to-you should be proud of your name and there is so much history to that name that you shouldn't just throw away. Think of all your ancestors that would be dissapointed that you don't want to carry on that legacy and herritage. What ever the reason changing is stupid.