my daughter and i get on really well untill my ex and step kids step in when they do she pushes me to one side because she wants to be like them and excepted into his new family, every time something good happens in her life i feel i am not good enough as they have money and i haven't this hurts me time and time again.
2007-10-13 23:48:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Im sorry to hear that. It sounds like shes despearate for your ex's apporval and sadly thats at your expense..
Just continue to be there for her but say that when she does these things it hurts you.
Money counts for very little you have stability and love for her and that counts for far more.
I hope you can get through this.
2007-10-13 23:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old your daughter is. It sounds like she is probably a young teen. If so, what I would do is arrange "special time" for just her and you at least once a week. This could be something as simple as going out to dinner or staying home to play a game. Whatever it is, it should be free of distractions and provide you an opportunity to talk openly. Then I would tell her how you feel. Don't do this in an accusatory way, but rather from an aproach where you work together to resolve the problem. After that, drop it. Don't critisize or complain. You and your ex- chose to divorce, not her. She is a child and a victim, trying to come to terms with a very difficult situation. Let her find her own way. As long as you are supportive, this phase will pass and you will someday have a very strong adult relationship. Don't risk throwing that away too.
2007-10-14 06:55:36 · answer #2 · answered by Shawn R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your daughter is willing and eager to get along with your ex and her step family is an absolute credit to you. What a wonderful mother you must be, and in the long term I am sure she will look back at your actions and be proud of your dignity and patience.
Most children and teenagers are influenced by the purchasing power of money, however when they reach adulthood and respect the value of it, it is then that she will truly appreciate the sacrifices you have made in your life for her, and more importantly, all the love you have given her..
As we all learn the older we get, money is no compensation for love, and your rewards will be in the relationship you will share with her until you die.
Don't stress, just keep giving your daughter the love and emotional support that she needs, and time will take care of the rest.
You sound like a wonderful mother, stop flogging yourself.
2007-10-14 07:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you almost feel ganged up on standing alone against the family feeling that you don't fit in but you are her mother and that cannot be taken away allow your little girl the freedom of choice. some children flourish when in other children's company Don't feel she will compare you or you have anything to match up to It may seem she is pushing you to one side but tell her you want her to be happy and when she is you are
we all know we have to grit back the tears for the children's sake and later when she sees the family over course of time she may realise that home is where the heart is and more often than not it is always with mum good luck
2007-10-14 07:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It that all? You are not being pushed aside, it's just that daughter has two families now, and gets on brilliantly with both of them! Be pleased for everything good in her life, you get on well with her, and as her mother, you can give her a mother's love and encouragement.
There are plently of mothers who don't see a penny for their children!
2007-10-14 07:03:33 · answer #5 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi donna i am in the same situation when i meet my partner he had two kids and i had two kids when we came together everything was fine but recently my daughter does the same his family are very controlling and when she comes home from school she runs to him not me it hurt alot as years before she came to me they have money to and kinda bribe my kids so i dont know if i done the right thing but i cut them off from my daughter so she could learn that money isnt everything its a hard one kids are naturally materialistic its just a fitting in thing i think but good luck i know what you mean
2007-10-17 02:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by J D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not sure how to answer your question because your description of the situation is very vague. i will try to do my best.
sounds like you are threatened by your ex/step kids. this is understandable, but of course your daughter would like to be accepted into his new family. don't you want her to have a good relationship with them? if not, be honest, why?? i don't think your daughter is trying to push you to one side as you write that you and her get along really well, but that you still FEEL that way. you fear losing your daughter. or am i missing something? does she ignore you for extended periods of time or what? how old is she? how exactly do your ex/step kids "step in?" are they intrusive? monopolize her time?
tell me, have you come to terms with your ex? are you on good terms? have you moved on, got a new bf? if you haven't, maybe, please don't take offense as i don't mean to, you feel like you're behind. that you've been left behind, and that your daughter may leave you behind, too.
what do you mean that every time something good happens in her life you feel bad about it? you should be happy for your daughter. do you mean something good happening to her that your ex's family seems to bring about?
you sound like you need to work on yourself, otherwise, in fear of losing your daughter and keeping your feelings to yourself like this, you may do/say things out of resentment that will actually drive her away.
trust your daughter. trust that she loves you and unless she's 5 with a fetish for toys, that her love can't be stolen by money and material things. is there a reason why you don't trust your ex/his family?
most importantly, you need to be there and support your daughter and not expect her to fulfill your emotional needs/alleviate fears of abandonment by sacrificing her relationship with your ex/his kids.
so what i would do? recognize my feelings, and separate them for a moment from what my daughter is doing. try to be objective about my ex/his family/their intentions. talk to her if need be, but if i do realize that it is because i am insecure and not that she really is pushing me away, then asking myself what i can do so that i won't have to feel this way anymore. and i would reallllllly try not to guilt her for wanting to be a member of another family. if her actions are reasonable then i would really try to refrain from "you hurt me when you do this" talk. is it really her? or is it mostly you?
2007-10-14 07:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not saying this to be mean, but....
You need to get over yourself. Stop thinking of it as a competition.
Then you need to start making some better financial decisions to improve your economic outlook.
Good luck.
2007-10-14 07:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't do anything. When it comes right down to it, she knows which side her bread is buttered on.
2007-10-14 07:14:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bond between you is great, wait it out, you will see her love for you will come out on top.
2007-10-14 07:07:07 · answer #10 · answered by aussie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋