What to do with a pushy person..?

Question

I have a very pushy mother in law. She starts fights, tries telling lies to my dad and ect. I'm 20 years old. I have a husband. I have a son born in november 2006 and passed away from a birth defect in july 2007. she yelled at me 2 days after he passed away becouse she was listed as my dad's wife and not with the grandma's.. just to show her personality. She hasn't quit i bend over backwards for her and to keep the peace but i'm to the point now that i realy want to hit her i'm dealing with my son's passing and trying to get back to life and all she wants to do is start fights with me and push me around. I want to know how to deal with her. I don't want to start a fight in the family but i want her to leave me alone and live her own life not mine. I just don't know what to do and my anger is to the point i'm going to explode...plllleeeeaaaassseeee HELP ME>>>!!!!

Sorry for the miss spell it is my fathers wife not my husbands mother..

Answer 1

Quit trying to appease this overbearing harpie. You can't keep the peace with her.
The next time she tries to read you the riot act, you need to call her down on it all and put her in her place.
Get in her face and don't worry about hurting her feelings.
When she pushes, you push back.
You need to screen your calls and keep her at arm's length.
Explain to your dad that you don't have to put up with her disrespect. You can meet your dad and take him out for dinner, but try to keep her out of it. She is your dad's wife but she is no blood of yours.

This is about boundaries.
You wouldn't put up with this guff from anyone else.

Answer 2

There is a real story that might give u something to think about.
The case is almost like urs, mother-in-law is too pushy and always scold the daughter-in-law, until some point the daughter-in-law can't take it anymore and go to a TCM shop which sell chinese herbs and medicine and ask the shopkeeper if he has a posion that can slowly kill her mother-in-law. The shopkeeper think for a moment and say that he has that kind of poison, then he say that this posion can kill slowly in 3 months but u have to mix the posion in soup and give it to her everyday. Th daughter-in-law is so excited and begin to mix the posion in the soup she cook everyday and to avoid suspicions she begin to comply with her mother-in-law in everything she tell her to do and not arguing it even one time plus she start to love her mother-in-law in a fake way in order to reduce suspicions also. After the third month, mother-in-law completely love and like her daughter-in-law as her own cause she is so sweet in this couple months and of course the daughter-in-law also feel the same way cause the changing behaviour from the mother-in-law towards her. But she remember about the posion and run back to the TCM shop and ask the shopkeeper for the antidote cause she doesn't want to kill her mother-in-law now loves her so much, the shopkeeper say dont worry i never gave u a posion, all i gave u is just vitamins for ur mother-in-law. To be happy u have to start and change it from inside urself and not try to change it from others people. Hope that this'll help u.

Answer 3

If you guys live with her move out, what does your hubby say? He needs to talk to her-it is his mother.
If I were you I would just tell her that you don't want to fight but you want her to back off, I know that is easier said than done but you are not married to her, but should give the proper respect- because it is his mom,
Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
because you two are one, you really need him to help you with this one, would help to know what he says-is this something he expects you to deal with 4 life?

Answer 4

I am a bit confused about the relationship. If she is your dad's wife then isn't she your step mom?

You are going to have to distance yourself from her, no matter what relationship she is to you.

You really don't need the extra stress in your life.

Talk to your father and your husband, explain that you just don't see eye to eye with her and feel the best way to honor your father, is to stay clear of his wife.

Maybe she will get the hint and soften up.

I am very sorry about your son. I am totally convinced that there were lots of angels just waiting to hold him in their arms.

God willing, you will see your son again.

Answer 5

When I have relatives like that show up in my life...(been 2 in 42 years, I've been lucky.) I punched one out (male) and spent fours days in jail and 200 hours community service......the other I just totally ignore no matter how hard she tries to talk to me. of course after totally leveling the first, the second nor any other members of my family have the nerve to get in my **** to much.

Answer 6

ouch! i hate people like that! theres someone in my grade that is almost exactly like that! for a while she was kind of my friend but she would boss me around and fight with me. so i took a break from her for a loong time, and shes been leaving me alone ever since. its the human pecking order baisically, is she trying to show her dominance? just ignore her for a while and stop supporting her. it should work eventually
and i am very sorry about your son, best wishes

Answer 7

"I don't want to start a fight in the family but i want her to leave me alone and live her own life not mine."

that's exactly what you tell her. it's short and to the point. you're not offending her. it might also help if you spoke to your husband. let him know how you feel. be the better person. don't let her get to you. if your husband doesn't say anything to her, then i think you should talk to her and don't do it when you're by yourself. maybe you can talk to her while your husband is around.

she's just making things worse. she should just butt out.

Answer 8

Tell her you need some time alone to deal with your grief and tell her you don't feel like arguing. When she calls, don't answer the phone for a while. You will have to take a stand with her and tell her how you feel. Let her know when you feel bullied by her. She might not realize the effect she is having on you.

Answer 9

in my opinion, I think you need to set aside a time where you should discuss the matter with her face to face. Tell her that she's going way over the top and that you want to live your own life. She'll never understand until you tell her in a grown up manner

Answer 10

Ok, is this your step-mother you are talking about? (Your fathers wife), or your mother-in-law( your husbands mother?) If it is your fathers wife, tell her to butt out and leave you alone! If that does not work, talk to your father about it. If it is your husbands mother, you need to get him to tell her to back off.