I was married for 20 years and had 4 children. My second husband of 9 years is very nasty to my dhildren. One of the children and her family have been living with us for a year until they move into their own home. I am forever treading on eggshells while he is in their company (this goes for all the children), as he is so crass, rude and critical. He has 2 boys from his previous marriage which he doesn't see a lot of. I'm at my wit's end as his behaviour is ruining any love that I once felt for him. He gets looked after, as I cook, clean and wash for him, as well as working full time. He openly begrudges anything that I do for the children, and doesn't hesitate in letting them know it. He is a sticky beak who likes to know everything, including who I phone or email. He won't do anything by himself, but insists that I go with him. I'm beginning to feel more like a mother than a wife. It is getting so I do not want to do anything with him anymore, as he is such a cranky bugger.
2007-10-13 17:21:53 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, biblically you must try to work it out, get counseling, be open and honest and hopefully he will see how you feel and if he loves you will try to change.
On the other hand....STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS!!! What's the worst that can happen? He'll leave? Good riddance! Will he beat you? Get rid of him!
You marry your husband and the two of you become one, he is who you have your main union with. However, that said, your kids were in your life before he came along...and I would not ALLOW him to mistreat me or my kids! I would stand up to him....you have EVERY right to do so!
I'm not saying that the marriage union is not sacred and not where your alliances should lie. I am only saying that you cannot allow him to continue this way without telling him how you feel and how it makes you feel! Good luck and God bless!
2007-10-13 17:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by LDBK 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry, but you are not being totally honest with yourself nor with us---not that I blame you, in a public forum.
There is so much we don't know about your family situation, nor do we know how this all appears to him. I do have one, rather unusual suggestion though:
There is a remarkably effective source that could only help you. I refer to the techniques developed by Dr. John Kappas, with respect to relationships. I am a physician in practice for 43 years, and I have seen a lot. With Kappas' method, only one partner needs to attend to the problem, using his technique. Go to the web site for: Hypnosis Motivational Institute and check the books available, specifically on interpersonal relationships and marriage.
As you have defined the problem, there is no solution--which I do not believe. Also, you do not sound very concerned regarding losing the marriage--not that I believe this is so, but that is the way it would appear.
I realize this is a very incomplete response; but I don't think that, with the information we have available, any intelligent response can be given.
I do wish you to pull through this.
2007-10-13 17:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by iintrepidone 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you know what you need to do. Look what you say yourself you have here... A Mean nasty intolerant controlling manipulative man, and for the pleasure of putting up with that mess you get to cook, clean, and work full time? Your life will be so much better without him, you will be so much happier once you make the decision and move on with your life. I wouldn't advise announcing it to him however, I think sneaking away might be your best bet... If he is that controlling he might become violent if you tell him you are leaving
2007-10-13 17:28:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
he is not happy with his job or life so he takes it out on his family, it's a common behavior that has been exposed on the Dr. Phil show.
He uses your children as a source to vent his hate.
Tell him how you feel, seek therapy, if all out doesn't work tell him that he has to leave
2007-10-13 17:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by jimineejavaa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life is too short to spend it walking on eggshells. His controlling and abusive behavior is idiotic.
His negative influence on the kids should not be tolerated, either.
Kick him to the curb.
2007-10-13 19:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a mother....why the heck are you still with him after 9 years?
2007-10-13 17:25:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Leave his ass before you waste another 20 on this jerk. My mother was in an unhappy marriage and stayed only to please others. She finally left, and everyone was better off for it.
2007-10-13 17:26:23 · answer #7 · answered by Kimberly B 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First: STOP COOKING FOR HIM. You work. Let him take care of himself.
2007-10-13 17:26:47 · answer #8 · answered by Jason 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Life is too short for that crap. DIVORCE!
2007-10-13 20:51:10 · answer #9 · answered by sbyldy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try this abuse site it works
2007-10-13 17:30:39 · answer #10 · answered by theroadwetake 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋