Ok so I am a freshman. (9th grade, 14 years old) My family is so over protective! Sometimes I can't take it anymore. But I know they love me and care about me but I am still a girl with needs. I can't put on make up, can't have close guy friends, meaning no boyfriends what so ever until I finish college. Crazy or what?! I am always expected to clean the house and get straight A's. I am so stressed! I want to be just like a normal teenager with close guy friends and hanging out with friends at malls and having fun, I am missing out on so many things.
I need your opinions, tell me what you think, is it just me with this problem? I feel like all my peers are having the best time and I am missing out on all the fun. :(
2007-10-13 16:19:51 · 35 answers · asked by ?? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi,
My name is Sharon and I am a 65 year young grandma. When I read your letter I felt that I could have written that letter also. It isn't easy growing up there are so many things we have to learn. The learning never stops. My parents did the same exact things as yours and I thought the world was going to end. Communication with your parents is very important. Parents just want the very best for their children and it may be hard for you to understand. I used to keep the things that bothered me in and that makes things worse You sound like you have very caring parents and they want only the very best for you.
. Trust me I still get stressed. Try not getting so stressed. It only makes things worse. Oh, about your peers I"m sure that they have rules to go by. We need them just to get by and stay out of trouble. You have many years left in your life .Learn all you can because someday you may be that parent, giving advice and rules to your children. You"ll do it because you want the best for them.
Best wishes for a beautiful life,
Sharon
2007-10-13 19:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by Momma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am a mother of two teenagers and a daughter who is grown already. I, too, was over protective and learned the hard way that kids will rebel if they aren't given some independence to grow. Our daughter put us through some really trying times. And we dismissed it as her being a problem child while we continued with the same strict upbringing for the boys. When our oldest son turned 14, he sat us down and told us we are suffocating him. He told us that he does everything we ask of him and it stresses him out that it never seems to be enough. He then told us that he knows we love him, but that he didn't think he could take anymore. We were dumbfounded. Here, we think we are taking all the necessary precautions to protect him, but in fact, we were doing just the opposite. So we asked him what he thought would be fair, and he told us he would like a few days to think about it. He came back with a few suggestions and we gladly agreed. As a result, he's happier, and so are we.
All to often parents don't take these things into consideration. We forget what it is like to be that age and what is really important for you guys. These are your teen years, the years where you are suppose to be hanging out in the mall and being with your friends. I know your parents mean well honey, but if you sit them down and throw out of a few suggestions, and tell them why you think it would be a good idea to lighten up, they may just see that their little girl is growing up and give you some leeway.
2007-10-13 16:49:21 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to prove that you can be trusted by your parents. I was not allowed to wear make-up until I was 14, and then it was lightly done( I did not suffer from the acne that most of my make-up wearing friends did either, it clogs your pores!) I had guy friends, but was not allowed to date until I was 16. There was no mall to hang out in! I survived and so will you. Take it one thing at a time, ask your parents if they would allow you to wear a little make-up, if you do it tastefully. After a few weeks, they will see that nothing bad happens and maybe lighten up on some of the other things as well. You are not missing out on much right now anyway. Your parents just do not want you to make any bad choices that will screw up the rest of your life.
2007-10-13 21:17:55 · answer #3 · answered by sbyldy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not just you! I am a mother of 3 and have a 14yr old girl in 9th also just like you! I am extremely over protective and dont let her stay the night any where/ go to freinds house etc! she is allowed to cheer at away games and i have let her ride the bus to 1 so far there is only one left and im not sure if i will take her yet! also no she is not allowed to have boy friends and that is for good reason 1st because she has to have a future before she can have anything worth having / im meaning school and honor role is #1 !! 2nd reason is guys suck and they are only out for themselves and i can prove this i let her go to the home coming dance where she had met a boy that she kinda liked and he liked her. he asked her to the dance! she knew the answer but i let her meet him there instead!!! i stayed around and watched for awhile before leaving her there with him and her freinds and a few days later she was told by everyone at school that the same boy dying to go to the dance with her! Had been with a guy freind and a ( girl) she gave them both a present in the form of free below the belt ( you know) and she was crushed and i was horrified now we both know that if i had stayed more involved she wouldnt have had to deal with any of this! maybe your parents are trying to do the same! i felt like i needed to give in a little and the guy gave someone else a lot!!!!!! so be thankful your mom wants better for you and youll never have to go thru what my baby had to ( now the boy tries to talk to her and she wants nothing to do with him)
2007-10-13 16:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by momzrckz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel...
I've been treated the same, except i'm a guy...
If your parents are really over protective. The boyfriend thing can wait, even though i know how it feels to want to somebody in your life. Right now in highschool, you want to enjoy life with your friends. So do that as much as possible. You can lose your friends, if they see that you don't hang out a lot. The ones that notice how your parents are and don't care, are you really good friends. I shared a lot of good memory with my friends. It's hard, I know. You may please your parents with hard work, but they still want be less protective. Every family is disfuntional. It always feels good to share with a brother or sister It's really hard to say what to do. Just plan things right, Try hard, and good luck!
P.S. Showing responsiblity can make them less protective etc. getting a job, (more time away from parents = parents know you can be away from them)
2007-10-13 16:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by Showbie No-Knowbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, I was just like that with my daughter. Yeah, I admit it.
I was also raised that way but much stricter. I can say that my daughter (now a senior in high school) and I have a close relationship and an open line of communication. We do have our share of parent child head butts though. What you should try is maybe suggest just sitting and talking. Not arguing, that just makes all parties concerned dig there heels in. Remind them that your a good kid, that you understand there concerns, that its not so much you but the rest of the world that they are worried about. Offer some compromises just to set a trust foundation. Offer to have your friends over to your house so they can get to know them. Introduce your friends parents to them at school functions. And just keep reminding them that they have to trust themselves in knowing that they have taught you the differences in right and wrong. For the makeup suggest that your mom go with you to maybe just try some natural looking makeup. Its going to take baby steps, compromise and reminding them that they have done a good job so far. It might take a lot of patience on your part, but it can be accomplished.
2007-10-13 16:47:46 · answer #6 · answered by DAWN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents love you and only want whats best for you. I know their rules seem strict but they are concerned about your welfare. They also know how much a man can ruin your life right now. You may feel grown up at 14 but you still have a long way to go before you will truly know what you want out of life. In the mean time it is your parents job to guide and direct you. That is what they are doing to the best of their ability. Try to hang in there. Maybe when you are 16 you can talk to them and renegotiate their rules. I have to admit not dating to college does sound a bit strict. On the bright side though, once you make it to college you will find a sense of freedom you have never known before. In order to make it to college though you need to listen to your parents and do the best you can to respect their rules. Respecting your parents rules will almost guarantee you will make it to college and have a bright and wonderful future. Your parents truly do want whats best for you. Remember, they were young once and most likely don't want you to make some of the same mistakes they did. So hang in there young lady, you have your whole life ahead of you.
2007-10-13 16:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way things are to day, be grateful your parents care enough to be so strict! I would think that if you talked to them though and voiced your concerns and wishes in a logical manner that maybe they might allow some leeway. I have meetings with the parents of my boy's friends (He is 17) and get to know them first before allowing him to go out with them, plus I have a strict rule that he can't be at anyone's house without parental supervision. As for going places with friends we all go together, and I do my shopping while he hangs out with his friends. That way, he has some freedom, but he also has some parent nearby in care there is a problem. Actually you aren't missing out on too much. We usually make all our own fun!
2007-10-13 16:30:25 · answer #8 · answered by Rev. Kaldea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that most teenagers feel that way at one time or another. I'd say that overprotective parents are concerned with your safety and well-being. After all, they have been responsible for you for 14 + years now, it isn't easy to stop doing it.
Trust me, your peers only appear to be having the best time. If you asked them they'd probably have the same frustrations that you so eloquently shared.
You'll grow up soon enough and then you will be the master of your life.
Until then, just relax and do your job (going to school) and leave the grown up stuff for when you get there.
((hugs))
A mom and a former teenager.
2007-10-13 16:26:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a parent of a 20 and 18 year old. Your parents really do care about you more than you know. They just want to protect you so you don't get hurt . My daughter is 18 and is in the 12 grade and just gave birth to a little girl. My son moved out a year after he graduated, he's getting out of jail next Wednesday. Your parents just don't want to see you go through what my kids have gone through. Yes, they have learned their lessons, but it's been the hard way. Please listen to them. If you feel they are being unfair, try talking to them, and meeting them 1/2 way, Prove to them you can be trusted, and mean it. Don't play games with them.
2007-10-13 16:33:20 · answer #10 · answered by Linn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋