monday was my bday. my family didnt remember. no one wished me a happy birthday, i had no cake, no gifts, no hugs...nothing. my fiance remembered but i mean as far as my mother and siblings. now my mother is trying to make excuses to it. i understand if she forgot we have 6 bdays in about 2 1/2 wks. so id understand it but it hurts me and upsets me to no that shes trying to make excuses. i no her well enough to no when she is lying to me. i understand im an adult and everything and im not saying i want to b showered in gifts and attention. i just wish my mother and siblings would have said happy bday. or at least acknowledged the day somewhow even since ive pointed it out they havent apologized now have they gave me a hpapy blated bday. my mom told me today to buy whatever i watned for my bday and give it to her shed wrap it and give me the money back. it really pissed me off. i dont want a gift i just want an apology. how can i make them understand how hurt i am?!
2007-10-13 15:34:29 · 32 answers · asked by Jen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
its like at chirstmas time when we open gifts she got angry w/ me bc i opened my gifts so quickly. when we realized it it wasnt that i opened them quickly, it was that i only had 2 from her one from my neice one from my nephew and nothing from my grandparents. i dont mind it really im not trying to b materialistic but i really feel like im invisible to my family. they dont seem to like me much. (i mean for more reasons than the bdays and xmasses. i dont no y tho. i always at least acknowledge them on special days.
my mom says as a kid i got more than the others and thats y i get less now. but i was a kid how was it my fault that i got more?!
2007-10-13 15:37:59 · update #1
Tell them straight out that you were hurt by their forgetting your birthday. That is about all you can do. The rest is up to them. If they are sincere in their apology, accept it, if not, well, it may be something you may have to get used to. Yes, it does hurt, but life will go on. Acknowledgement means a lot, presents or not.
2007-10-13 15:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by Katykins 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well I think that sometimes parents kind of regret having children but it is too late when they realize that. I know it sounds cruel but that's what happens sometimes. Because it IS cruel they just keep growing their children hoping that something good will come out of this. A parent will probably never tell this his child,just raise it because he has no other choice. I think that that's the case with you dear... I'm very sorry to think that way, it's just a humble or even stupid opinion. The thing is that you've got your own life now. You may want to confront your parents to talk about it but you must be independent now. Try to raise your own children with all the love they can have. Do not make your children go through what you did. Everything's going to get to normal once you concentrate on your own life... Wish you good luck for your future. Your new future. :)
2007-10-13 15:50:15 · answer #2 · answered by paul_w810i 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't. And why is it important for them to understand how hurt you are... For that matter, why is it so important to you that you feel hurt? I've never had a birthday party and I'm in my 40s. Nobody in my family has ever wished me a happy birthday, not even once. It is true. When I was a little kid, I didn't even have a concept of what a birthday way until I learned about it from kids at school. So what good would it do for me to carry around all that hurt about something that doesn't matter? Sure, it is nice to hear. I love hearing happy birthday from my friends and my wife. But ask yourself... is it that important that you have to cause a big stink about it? Are you so hurt that it is necessary to hurt them? I will make you a promise, and I am serious. If you let this go... let this hurt of not having heard 'happy birthday' from your family just fly away and forget about it... you are going to feel sooooo much better. You will be stronger and you will be more confident because you will see that your happiness is not dependent on others remembering to be perfect. I'm sure that you realize they didn't all get together and say 'now remember.. nobody say happy birthday to her this year'. So just let it go. It doesn't mean anything. Trying to make them feel your pain really only succeeds in making you feel more pain.
2007-10-13 15:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by CB 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How old are you? I understand how you feel first of all regardless of your age. I was probably 12 or thirteen when my mother last bothered to make a cake for me, etc. I don't think I got presents after that either. I never got a birthday card from my Dad never except once or twice as an adult. I don't know what to say. I understand very clearly what it feels like. All I can say is TRY not to let it phase you. Honestly it says more about them than it does you. It says they're lazy emotionally. It hurts to see your parents in this light because you look to them for emotional nourishment and encouragement. Recognizing your birthday is pretty simple. They let you down. They probably will again soon with something else. Please recognize this, if you believe in God, as a sign that you need to grow closer to Him and be able to lean on Him more for help and hope.
2007-10-13 15:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by Steve C 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You won't be able to make them understand how hurt you are. They have to be able to understand that on their own, and maybe sometime in the future they will.
They are being insensitive to you now. You just have to not allow yourself to think about it or to feel sorry for yourself. The feelings of hurt that come from these kinds of things, if you focus on them, can be very destructive and take time away from more important things, such as the things that you want to do with your life.
Since they obviously do not spend their time thinking about you, you should start to not think about them too much.
If you try to make them apologize you will only feel more disparaged and demeaned.
You will feel better if you tell them that it's no big deal, and that they shouldn't worry about it anymore. Otherwise you will seem to be too needy for their attentions and approvals.
Just let it go.
I speak from experience. People who owe you an apology are often the last ones you will get one from. Some people are incapable of ever apologizing to anyone for anything.
Don't let them see they've hurt your feelings. It will only make them satisfied.
--
2007-10-13 15:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by Lu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you how it is on the other side of your situation. You have a fiance, so I assume you no longer live at home. Since I moved away from my family, I usually remember my parent's birthday, but I totally am guilty of forgetting my sister's and my brothers. You get busy, you just don't think about it. I live miles away so it's not like I can see them anyway. Some people aren't emotional like you. They don't care about stuff like that- it's not an insult, just a personality difference. It TOTALLY wouldn't hurt my feelings at all if someone forgot mine- now that I think about it, my brother has NEVER called me on my birthday. I'm not hurt about it. I know it hurts you, but you have to accept them for having a different personality where Bdays just aren't important. I'm like them- I just don't care. I don't even celebrate my own birthday. I just turned 21 in August. Want to know what I did? I went down to the DMV to get a new licsense and went grocery shopping. lol It's not a big deal for some ppl. Just accept that and move on. I know it hurts, but try to empathize.
2007-10-13 15:41:45 · answer #6 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it happened to me when i was 8 and my mom said its a part of growing up. when you are really young people pay it a lot of attention but its a sign your family has a lot going on. if you want someone to remember if its that important announce a couple days before your birthday is coming and you guys better not forget, do it jokingly and everyone will appreciate it if they really care
people are pretty busy now and have a lot on their mind, especially your parents so if you are an adult as you say you will just need to get over it even though it hurts i don't think they'll forget next year because you won't let them.
2007-10-13 15:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by autoprt 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You poor girl! I have a family of origin that does stuff like this all the time. It took a long time for me to finally understand that I need to seperate myself emotional from them.
If this is just a one time occurance you need to think is it important enough for me to make a big deal about it or can I get over it. If you can't get over it, than any mother SHOULD feel a little guilty and apologize.
If this is not a one time occurance and your family hurts you often you need to think about you and your fiance and the life and home you want to make. You can still love them and be there for them, but you need to protect yourself and your emtions. Hang in there and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
2007-10-13 15:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'd be pissed off too.. heck i'd probably feel like slapping all of them. I mean if you've been growing up with me for years, you should remember when my birthday is. Well did she atleast make it up to you? If i was there i'd call you .. wish you a happy bday and i would of taken you out dancing somwhere in a friendly kinda way as friends lol. My friends always take me out on my bdai.. dancing mostly.
wow your moms sounds so out of LINE!
Maybe shes not even your real mom.. and maybe that family adopted you or somthing.
I would view it that way in my head if i was you just to make it easier to get away from them. Wow ...
look for love in friends. Start your own family and don;t make this mistake. No favourites.. just live on..
keep your daugher/son away from spending too much time with your family. They may say somthing bad to them. you wounldn't want them spoling them eaither.
2007-10-13 15:39:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i totally understand- and if i don't think your own mother has an excuse. busy or not busy, you're her daughter, you're family, and she owes it to you to at least say happy b-day to you. im assuming that you say happy bday to her and keep in touch, because if you don't, she may just have a grudge or something. im very, very sorry, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! i know it's not the same as hearing it from your family, but i hope you feel better. maybe the best thing to do is just to brush it off. it will just make you feel worse if you continue to dwell on it.
hope this helps!!
2007-10-13 15:39:29 · answer #10 · answered by person 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋