How the heck am I supposed to have any confidence?

Question

Everywhere I read in response to being successful at being able to ask girls out (especially the better looking women) you have to be super confident. But I just don't see any possible way I can have any confidence, no matter what I do.

- I've never had a single girlfriend, so my self-esteem is very low. [I'm 20 years old now]
- I do not have a car of my own so I do not drive, plus I don't have a job. (I consider my schoolwork a job, I have a 3.8 GPA in mechanical engineering)... still live at home, but not really a momma's boy, I will move out in due time.
- I am ultra shy, I don't talk a huge amount even to people I know well. I am not capable of talking for hours on end like other "confident men" are able to do.

It seems like with all these, I basically have three strikes against me and no chance at all... The only two things I have going for me is my good mind (I pretty much outperform everyone in college). Also I am fairly good looking, but that's about it...

By the way, I don't really care about having random sex with women, so it's not like I'm asking for a lot, I'm a born-again Christian that just wants to have a life partner... I only need to find one girlfriend that is beautiful in body, soul, as well as spirit.

Answer 1

why worry about finding a girl now?
your way too young for that
focus
focus
focus on you future
get you degree
get you career
buy your car
establish your credit
buy your house
that's where the confidence will come in
you should however lead some sort of male bonding social life outside of school work, and who cares if you out perform everyone in college, if you flaunt it that only further socially isolates you from the others
you do want to make friends right?
then you better act more human and help out those who are having a tough time and do male bonding things other than anything related to school , from this a sense of yourself and your future will fall in place
once you have that
women will be no problem

Answer 2

You sound exactly like my brother, and that's a good thing. He was worried about girls for a while when he was younger. When he started college though, he knew that school was more important than anything else. He knew that without a degree he would never be able to support a family. He lived at home all through school and didn't date. His degree is in computer engineering from UCLA and has a job with game developer. After he got settled in his job he started looking for a wife (those were his literal words too). He's ultra shy and not social at all. My friends used to call him "The Elusive Reclusive" because they never got to see him. Anyway, he eventually registered with match.com at the ripe age of 32 (about four years after moving out. He joined the army out of high school o be able to pay for college so that slowed things down). Now he is happily married with a very outgoing woman whom he just adores. My point is that you shouldn't be worried about girls if you are looking for a life partner. That's what my brother wanted and why he didn't date while he was in school. Just focus on school so that when you're financially established you'll be able to provide for the women you are courting (like by picking them up in your own car and taking them to your own home!) If you're good looking now, you'll only get better looking. Keep your eye on the prize and stick with school!!!!

Answer 3

Wow that's quite a lot to ask for if you are only prepared to try one girl and settle down with her. I think you need to go out and meet a few ladies.. expect to get shot down by a few but you'll find it won't kill you, so therfore become more confident. Another way to look at is, is girls you talk to and date will probably also not feel very confident too so it's not just you.

Oh yeah I was trying to make a point....go out and have a good time with all kinds of ladies (even if you don't find them initially attractive) because you just might fall in love with one.

Answer 4

You sound a lot like my husband, similar situation. One of the reasons I was so attracted to him was because he was shy and sweet, and had loved only me and will love only me for the rest of my life. You'll find a girl that absolutely adores you, and is probably a bit more talkative than you, and more bold. Good luck! Bye the way, he was 21 or 22 before he found me :)

Answer 5

i comprehend the way you sense. Im shy too, yet have faith it or no longer I advised a guy as quickly as that i had enjoyed him and he smiled yet did no longer say something through fact he already had a woman pal and that i knew that. the element is that i did no longer choose as much as now him or something lol I in simple terms enjoyed him and that i mandatory him to comprehend that. (lol, i improve into 14 and he improve into 18 xD) anyhow... I haven't any clue how in the international are you meant to get self belief to tell that to a guy yet in simple terms think of roughly that in case you do no longer do it , you will sense sorry approximately it later in existence. and you in hassle-free terms have ONE existence for this reason do regardless of you choose to and attempt to no longer be shy. AND in case you don;t do it ,interior the destiny you would be like "oh guy, why didnt i do it? Why?!?!" you will hate your self. DO IT!

Answer 6

Sounds like you have trouble talking to people, women in general. Try joining clubs that require you to intermingle (not dating clubs) and talk to people, including in front of the group. Something like Toastmasters.

It will give you practice talking to people in a non-threatening environment and give you more confidence. Go to church? Volunteer to lead a bible study. Again, it will put you in front of people where you are more comfortable. Once you gain some confidence, you will be able to talk to women one-on-one.

You are going to have to force yourself to talk to people. It will be awkward at first, for everyone involved. It will get easier each time you put yourself out there.

Answer 7

just ignore others-let yourself make your own decicions and just go with your gut feelings,It's you and yourself -I'ts your choice and keep positite about yourself -just don't go over board.