Should I try and contact her? Or never speak to her again?

Question

This is a follow up to my last question that I asked earlier:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AttvB3eMnTiu5o2g2zJ0QEfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071013102955AAB8UDG

I was in a very long-term, deeply loving and committed physical & emotional relationship with a woman.

She broke it off with me but was afraid or unwilling to do so in person or by telephone.

She sent an e-mail saying she was breaking up with me, will never see me again but wouldn't say what the circumstances or reasons were for the breakup. This left me without a clue and with the definite impression that I will never be allowed to know why she left.

I have gone through an immense amount of personal pain and anguish over this. My heart is broken.

I said I would not bother her. But, despite that, should I try and contact her? Or never speak to her again?

What would you do?

And no. I am not a stalker or violent.

Explain your answer..

Answer 1

Well..... I would probably contact her, anyways, if I were you.... The two of you were in a relationship together, the least she can do, is give a reason as to why she broke up with you!

You could send an email back to her, and ask if it's because of you, she broke up! or?

Answer 2

Ask her one more time for an honest reason, for the sake of the deep relationship you both had, and if she still doesn't say anything, let her go, esp. if she mentions you not contacting her again.

I feel you "can" contact her after some time has passed. That could be maybe, few weeks/months from now. U could call her to ask how she is doing.

But ofcourse, it is possible, that anything can happen in the meantime. She or even you could be in a relationship, so you have to be thoughtful to the 3rd person involved as well.

I am sorry this happened to you.

Edit: I agree with one of the answerers..that if we want someone bad enough, we should go after them and not give up this soon. BUT, u have to make sure, that you dont come across as controlling or a stalker. U can still have that balance of "being there" at the same time, letting her know your intentions, and showing your care. Keep reminding yourself, that now that she has broken it off, she isn't really "answerable" to you about her personal life etc. So have "no expectations". That way, you are not hurt when you expect, and when you dont get. Plus, one has to be fair to her too, for her decision. At the end, after u have given it your all, it is still posible you dont get what you want - but that's life.......atleast you'd know you tried your best and left no stone unturned.

Answer 3

If you love something, let it go..if it doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be, and if it does then it was.
This could work for both ways, in both of your perspectives.
Look, you love this woman right? And up till before the email you thought she loved you too right? Then you need to know what happened. Otherwise, you're going to live your life being haunted by WHAT IFS and what could've been if you'd tried and talk to her. You guys were in a committed, loving relationship. You both deserve to know what went wrong, especially you.
Talk to her, ask her what happened, and see if it's possible to regain what you once had. If she didn't have the courage to tell you in person or to call you it means she still has feelings for you but she's trying not to show it out of fear. You can't NOT speak to her again..but give her some time to cool down, because speaking to her now might make her say things she'll regret in a week. Give her some time to think, and she might come back to you. But, get yourself ready for the worst. Be prepared for the worst, so that when you try and it doesn't work out, you'll say to yourself: Well, I thought about this happening and now that it has I'm going to be okay because I was expecting and preparing for it.
But try, you need to know what went wrong. It may be a simple misunderstanding that you might never know about and get on with your life without ever knowing. What you were deadly afraid of has already happened, have nothing to fear. You don't know until you try, right?
Good luck

Answer 4

It spunds like your girl needs to grow up. I don't know how old you two are but that was really childish. Closer is exactly what you need though so call her up and ask her to met you for coffee or take a walk in the park or somewhere you two can be around people but have a moment to share between you both ask her all the whys you want to know try and find a way to work things out. And if things seem to not get anywhere pick your thoughts and memories and go your seperate ways.
Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

I think pride alone would compel me to leave her alone, for a good while anyway. What you need most is "closure", or some sort of explanation why this happened, but the cowardly way she dumped you denied you even that possibility. I think I would be angry at that sort of treatment and that would make it easier to steer clear of her in the future, but I know I would always wonder, and since that's the case, there's always a danger you will take baggage from this experience into your next relationship. I'm sorry that happened to you...you didn't deserve that. But some people aren't good with confrontation, and she may well be one of those people. Give yourself time to heal, then try to move on. Frankly, she doesn't sound truly worth your time or effort anyway.

Answer 6

Well if she could not break it off in person after a 4 yr relationship then I believe that you need to move on. I know your heart is broken now but over time you will be ok and this will make you stronger. Since she ended it the way she did, I'm sure there is no way to talk her out of her decision.

Answer 7

I think the way she broke it off was heartless, and mean. I think you do deserve answers, but I don't think you will get any at this point. I think you should give her sometime and contact her in a month. I honestly think that she is involved with someone else. Give it a month and maybe the relationship she is in now won't work out and she will come back to you. Or you can hang out where she normally hangs out and see if you see her with someone else, then you will have your answer. There are lots of single women out there. Let her see you with one of them and see if it sparks up jealous with her.

Answer 8

If I were you, I'd go after her. Yeah, I'm one of those hopeless romantic girls who has no love life, but my honest opinion is to go after her. If you love her as much as you say, are you really going to let one email, probably with not much feeling put into it, separate you from the girl you love? You need a reason. Heck, you deserve a reason. But don't do a phone call...don't email. Go see her in person. It's more likely you'll get an answer that way. But yeah, don't go stalking her...as you said, you aren't a stalker. xD

Answer 9

give it a couple days then ask why she might answer you she may not ------always remember you do not want someone whom does not want you .then again i had a friend said if you want them bad enough then you go after them and take no for a answer - my thinking if it is meant to be it will be .what have you learn from this person why was you put in this persons life to begin with? at least be friends if love relationship fails

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like she's particularly interested in staying in contact with you. So it's probably better for both of you if you never contact her again.