How do I stop a 4 year old from lying!!?

Question

My 4 year old makes up wild stories because she thinks they're funny. Sometimes, it's harmless stuff (I was eating noodles in a rocket ship today) and the like..

Other times, she says things like "Mommy locked me in the car" or "Daddy threw me" that have the potential of being very bad, but she doesn't realize it. She thinks it's funny. She'll say these things and then laugh and I'm afraid she's going to say something to a preschool teacher or somebody that is going to take her seriously and it will lead to trouble. Nobody EVER abuses her or anything. I don't know where she gets it or why she says it! Help!

Answer 1

If you figure this one out please tell me! I have the same problem with my 4 year old daughter. The only thing I can suggest is that you have a serious conversation with her about how telling the truth is important. Tell her that lying hurts people and explain to her what it means to tell a lie. Of course you probably have already tried this or you wouldn't be asking on ya lol.

Answer 2

Kids at this age tell tall tales. Tell her teacher that she has been doing that. If your daughter tells her something that concerns her, the teacher will approach you about this. I'm sure the teacher has heard it before. My son does the same thing.

Next, with your daughter, when she says these things, ask her, wide eyed and serious, "really?" in a shocked, surprised way. Then ask her, "did that really happen?" Keep your face blank, or even with a look of wonder, but no anger while you wait for her to answer. She may say "no." If not, ask her to tell you more about it.

Sometimes, it may seem like she is lying, but some things may seem true to her. Like if her dad throws her in the air and catches her for fun, this would be true if she said "daddy threw me." So, it might also be a matter of perspective.

Lastly, sometimes kids experience things that they can't articulate. So they may make up stories as a way to convey what they are feeling, even if the story doesn't match what really happened. So if the story is something you know isn't true, but made her feel mad, sad, scared or whatever, you could ask her "Is there anything else that happened to make you feel that way today?" Good luck, she'll grow out of it.

Answer 3

Tomorrow tell her that you are going to go to McDonalds or some other place that she really enjoys then take her for a ride and drive by that place a couple of times, if she is anything like my kids she will say look look McDonalds. Then go home instead and when you get home and she says "You said we would go to McDonalds" say yes I lied. Then ask her do you like when people lie to you? That should do the trick. Also explaining the difference between telling a story, and lying. When you tell someone a story like the rocket ship, everyone knows that didn't really happen becasue 4 year olds don't have rocket ships and the stuff she is saying that is more serious, if someone didn't know you were telling them a story me and daddy could get in alot of trouble, mommies and daddies who leave their kids in the car can go to jail. But like the other posters said, anybody who knows kids will know the difference between the ones who are making stuff up and the ones that are really being abused.

Answer 4

I don't have kids so take this how you want.

First, sit her down and talk to her about what truth and lies are. Explain that when she lies she can hurt other people's feelings and that if someone bad happened people might not believe her (The Boy who Cried Wolf example).

Never, ever laugh at the stories or encourage the harmless ones . Don't discourage imagination either though.

I'm a big proponent of supporting positive behaviors instead of punishing negative ones. So try encouraging her and rewarding when she tells the truth. For example, if she tells Daddy what her and Mommy did today maybe she can get a small treat (not necessarily food maybe special time with parents ). Ignore the negatives, but not the child. She's probably doing it to get attention and if she doesn't get it she'll stop.

Answer 5

My opinion, your kid seems to be very intelligent....so do not try to guide her in wrong direction. I have a 6 yr old and she never lies or makes up wild stories but somtimes act funny by saying `look I`m gonna swallow all the pills at a time` while taking a flue pill or the like. Kids are always kid, you can never compare them with grown up. My wife has a very good grip on her and always monitors her surrounding and cares about her feelings at the same time discipline her with just words not actions. If you touch she`ll ignore and keep distance from you and might also never change her habits. Kids always need guidance from grown ups to lead a good life, and relation between a teacher and pupil is different than parents and kid. A teacher might not be too frank, but parents needs to be like friend - teacher, if I am right. Good luck.

Answer 6

No five-year-old likes being called a liar, so if you can hold out until kindergarten...
Kids in kindergarten will call her on her lies. It's more effective when she gets called out by her peers.
In the meantime, start telling her stories with her as the main character, make all of them lies, and laugh. Especially stories where bad things happen to her such as, "Once upon a time there was a girl named ______ who ...." and make them so outrageous she doesn't like it, and then ask her if it is true or a story. Mix it up with real stories, and ask her again if they are true stories or just stories.
Once she starts to understand the difference between a real story and a lie, she may stop. But you might want to explain to her teacher before there is a problem that your child is having trouble distinguishing between truth and lies, and she is misinterpreting situations and leaving out information, for example, "Mommy locked me in the car......by accident because she pressed the button on her keys at the wrong time." Or "Daddy threw me.....up in the air and then caught me again." By telling her teacher this before your daughter tells an incriminating lie, you have established that you are aware of her tale-telling and that, as a 4 -year-old, she is an unreliable source and witness!
Good luck. I had to tell a lot of stories to my own daughter involving her as the main character in a series of lies, and it worked in teaching her the difference between truth and lies. Now that she is in first grade, she is very big on telling me how she knows who on the playground is telling a lie or not.

Answer 7

If she is 4, she's old enough to have a serious talk about it. Be sure to have a child with her teachers to let them know that she does have the tendancy, they deal with a lot of other children her age and know that children may develop this little habit. Just sit her down and let her know how much it worries you and how much trouble it could cause. Let her know that her daddy could get into a lot of trouble from her saying those things. Also, give her a situation, for instance ask her how she would feel if you told her you were going to ... say take her to Disney Land, and then not take her. Soon she'll start to notice that it wouldn't feel good to have that done. Sometimes it takes things like that to reason with children, because doing so, and rationalizing things in their mind by themselves isn't quite possible yet. Also, make sure your not changing your responses to the lies. For instance, don't sit and laugh at one thing she lies about, and then get upset or ignore others. Consisitency is the best thing to do.

Answer 8

tell her the story of the little boy who cried wolf. and just understand that its normal for a child to go thru this phase. it will pass sooner or later. but everytime she lies. either take something away from her or u could make a chart thing with velcro and a smiley face that represents her. and explain to her that every time she tells the truth she moves forward. make it like a race kind of thing. at the end of the month if she makes it to the VERY end of the track get her a really big toy at the store. if she almost makes it there make it smaller depending on how far. move her back if she tells lies too. and explain to her y she moves forward and back. make sure u put it high enough where she cant move the face forward or backwards tho. put it up high on the wall where u can reach it. but this is perfectly normal for a child to do. itll just take some time to get her over it. good luck

Answer 9

Well i don't have any kids so i don't claim to be a prof. BUT IMO if u are ever in that situation where a teacher may encounter u about what she says, hopefully that teacher knows ur daughter well enough to believe u when u say its not true and dismiss it. Otherwise u should feel confident in the fact that there is no evidence of it, i.e. cuts, bruises.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

All the kids at pre-school will do the same thing and they'll know the difference. We've managed to survive three boys who all did it without being called upon by social services (god knows how with some of the things they used to come up with)

She'll grow out of it :)

Never make an issue of reporting bad things about people because if one day someone genuinely hurts her she mustn't fear telling you.

Good luck and it'll get worse before it gets better ;)

Answer 11

Fours nonetheless have a tricky time understanding the adaptation between fact and fable. they generally have faith that in the event that they say, or think of something is genuine, this is going to be genuine. She isn't being 'undesirable' -- so spanking her and putting cleansing soap in her mouth are no longer suitable or needed. Nor are removing her toys or activities. It sounds like her lies ARE obvious ones (because you be attentive to she is mendacity). So confer along with her approximately them. "Is that what fairly happened?" help her to comprehend the adaptation between fact and desires or fantasies. And as she receives slightly older, she'll be waiting to greater effective differentiate them.