Are you being taken advantage of when.....?

Question

my sons dad and I are trying to work together to be a family again and he will be moving in with me and our son. The problem is he's in my hometown, doens't have 1 single family member or friend within a 200 mile radius. The thing is I work full time and he is willing to be the stay at home dad, we've had problems in the past....lets just say he's not the most responsible person you'll meet. So is it okay that I work and he stays home, he'll have no income coming in cuz he's at home wich thats what I wanted instead of our 1 yr old being at a day care. So should it be okay that I pay for everything for him, including beer whenever he wants it? Afterall he is the full time parent? Im confused and is it weird that I may feel like im being taken advantage of? Any suggestions.

Answer 1

If he's going to be Mr. Mom, then he should do every chore that a mom does. Clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, the meals, the dishes, clip the coupons, change/feed the baby of course, etc. . . . . . if he wants a beer or two when you're home, he'll deserve it. But he should also have a good home-cooked meal waiting for you at least 4 weeknights a week. . .

Answer 2

He is not very responsible. I don't know if I would want him watching the baby. I think that if you are working and supporting everyone he should get a part time job on your days and hours off. He also should be taking care of all the household chores, the lawn, the cars and everything for the baby. This is what he would expect if the shoe was on the other foot. Don't forget the meals also. When my kids were young my husband worked day shift during the week and I worked on the weekends and a few days during the week. The kids spent only two days a week with the sitter and we still had two full time incomes. If you work day shift and he were to work second shift then the baby would only have to go to day care for a few hours a day. Explore your options. I cannot say if is going to take advantage of you but I would be cautious. If he is the one staying home by mutual choice then yes you need to by his beer.

Answer 3

Are all the men who work while their wives are home with the kids being taken advantage of? Of course not. That's the arrangement they both want; so that's what they do.

Whatever arrangement the two of you want is OK. You're both adults and can make your own decisions.

It's better for your son to be with his father -- you said you'd rather do that than have him in day care.

So what's the problem?

You're the bread-winner, and he has no income, so, yes, you supply the money for the entire household. (Is your son taking advantage when you feed him and buy him toys?)

You should share your income with your husband, just as husbands who are the sole breadwinners share their money with their wives. After all, the stay-at-home person needs to live, too. You shouldn't have to buy everything, give him whatever money he needs to run the household and spend for himself.

(What would you think of a working husband who never let his stay-at-home wife ever spend any money on anything for herself. That would be really disgusting and inhuman.)

You're just being the victim of cultural stereotyping; that's the only reason it feels funny to you.

If you can afford the arrangement, isn't it better for one parent to take care of the home front?

Since that's what you want, then it's right.

Answer 4

u seem very torn eather u even really like being around this guy. it's best for ur son, for his parents to raise him, but, u should be happy in ur decision. if ur gettin along well and are truly trying to make things go, why not try? if ur feeling "takin advantage of" take a step back and look around. do u have to work and buy beer to pay bills etc..r u still having to clean the house, cook food, laundry...or is he the "michael keaton" mr.mom? or r u just used to be able to do what u want with ur money, and now u have an allowance to pay? cause that's just greedy, not underappreciated.

Answer 5

If you feel that you are getting into a situation that you are uncomfortable with then review it over. Remember if he is a stay at home dad then he will not have any money of his own and will depend on you. You mentioned he is not a responsible person, then why do you want him watching your kid? Better thing would be for him to get a job and put your kid in daycare (why can't your kid stay with your relatives?). If you have a lot of questions in your head answer them before committing to anything. Good luck!!!!

Answer 6

I think you could hire a RESPONSIBLE babysitter for far less then your supporting an irresponsible drinker! How many men can take care of a 1 yr-old WELL?! Most don't have the patience!! I think you're hung-up on whether or not this is "right"--rather than the KEY ISSUE: How to find a GOOD NANNY for your baby!!! Try to look at it from the pt of view of WHAT is BEST for your BABY! Their first years of their life are the KEY to their development the rest of their lives!

Answer 7

Why don't you stay home and take care of your son. Children need their moms, not that Dads can't take care of their kids, but Mom's were made for nuturing and caring for children. Dad's were made to provide. Eventually when this gets swapped, it doens't work for long.

If he's not responsible enough in general, then you need to find another mate.

Answer 8

Are you divorced? Have the final decree?

Go ahead and do it. If you were still married, I'd say be careful, 'cause then he could divorce you and ask for alimony since you'd set a precedent of providing for him. If you're totally divorced, then go ahead and do it. It would be good for the child, but make sure he knows your rules and follows them.

Don't buy him beer "whenever he wants", but occasionally.
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